BlueVirgo

Mmmmm....MoooViiiieeee~~

2007-11-26T17:52:00.000+08:00

Haven't write for a long time..
and I'm going to start writing here from now!
Hopefully! ;)

Anyway,
I so so soooo want to watch this movie!!
Getting so hooked up by watching the trailer.
And the plus factor: MCDREAMY!
Ooowwweeeeeeee!!

Yang, Enchant me!
Ihik!

provide me with love, pls!

2007-07-14T00:29:00.000+08:00

Work is aging me. Fast.
Being home late at night everyday is draining my energy.
Moreover, I am a morning person.
I'm not used to waking up at 11 or 12 in the afternoon.

The people in my team has been here for more than a month.
And I'm the newest childborn at only a week old.
How am I supposed to catch up with all of them?
Having had their training and all.
I am only a week old and now they're expecting me to walk all by myself.
With no time to relax, with no formal training and all.

This may be what people call: a test for me to get through
But I have to admit, that I am pressured right now.
I have no confidence and faith in myself.
Yes, although I told myself before that I'm going to improve on this...
But I seemed to fail every time!

I was hoping he would calm me down with his soothing words...
Not try and make me feel more like this useless person that has no self-confidence...
with low self-esteem...
Which I know that I have all these qualities...
But to me, he's not sounding as if he's supporting me.

It may be my misunderstanding.
It might be after all, my fault.
But right now, I'm all negative.
So, anyone want to try to push me into positivity?

Dream vs Reality

2007-06-04T09:59:00.000+08:00

At most time, I dream a perfect dream:

Be engaged with the person I could not live without.
Have a permanent job which I love with a good salary.
Get married with him who I choose to live with my entire life.
Be a great and known photographer.
Build my own dream businesses.
Have 3 kids during early age and another in my 40s.

Statistically, I would say my dream consist of a confidence level, 80%.

So where did the other 20% go?
That's where the reality knocks in.

I can't be engaged unless he has a stable income (that's according to him. I thought you can't get MARRIED unless you don't have a stable income?).
Being someone with low experience, I have to accept whatever job that's offered to me.
Getting married is soooo out of question now!! It'll be years before it can happen.
Without DSLR, how can I be that? Though I'm learning the theory, I still have to learn to handle the camera.
I don't have the money. But I'm going to do it someday.
He doesn't want 4 kids.

And that is why reality sucks.
But we are in it. We are not living in a dream.
Well, unless if you're Siti Nurhaliza (I really dislike her, but you have to admit, she's living a dream) or Maya Karin aka the Malaysian Princess (oh, how she really is THE Malaysian beauty!).

But yes, learn to be thankful.
Like my cousin said to me, Bersyukurlah ILynn (Be thankful, ILynn).
And so, I am.
At times I feel like the hard life is on me, but I should remember that God never gives us things that we cannot handle.

So, I believe that one day I will have that dream. With 80% confidence level, it is almost as if I WILL be living it. Who knows?
Once you learn to be thankful in your current life, you might have a great satisfaction in the end.
So, Be Thankful.

Don't ask me

2007-05-23T18:10:00.000+08:00

I don't know how sex feels like

ok?

Boom!

2007-04-24T14:57:00.000+08:00

I love romance!

It makes my heart go boom-boom-boom!

Yeehahhh..and love goes bloom.

(Apa yang aku merepek ni?)

I'm outta my mind.

Bye.

Modern

2007-03-11T09:49:00.000+08:00

I have to tell myself everyday that it'll be 5 freaking long years before the big thing happen.
I so badly wanted it to happen quick but he keeps me guessing with his attitude that it's not going to happen any sooner.
I have to remind myself that it'll be 5 freaking long years to keep myself from exaggerating of our 'big day'.

I'm not wanting this merely for the sake of being married or whatsoever.
I am sure I can go through whatever obstacles that'll come after that.
It's just the whole modern world thing.
I dislike modern. Modern smells filthy to me.
Sex is so open nowadays that people don't think twice before doing it.
I don't want to go into that. But the devil's desire is increasing.
I am a muslim. And I want to preserve that.

So, I don't think marriage is a wrong thing when you're young.
You just have to have support, faith in each other and God, and go through it just fine.

But yes.
Modernisation is cruel.
Shit.

I hate love

2007-02-24T02:09:00.000+08:00

When you're hurt, you don't want to see that person who hurts you.
But when he calls, you don't have the heart to reject his calls.

I hate love.

No way to what ifs

2007-02-24T01:12:00.000+08:00

Okay. Scratched that engagement thingy. As of now, I will not going to talk much about it. Will not plan so much either. And will not expect too much of it too. Sometimes, our expectations can surprise us. Yeap, true to that Meredith (from Grey's Anatomy).

I had been thinking. This whole thing, it's too early isn't it? Or am I just wrong there? A friend of mine said that it's alright to plan ahead. But when he comes up with the what ifs questions, it simply breaks my heart. I had never thought of any what ifs. Should I even think of the what ifs? All these what ifs questions make me throw my hopes and dreams of us. But I must admit that there is still left a glimmer in me. Hoping. For us to really work.

Another friend of mine asked me just about few hours ago,

"What if he's not there anymore?"

I told him straight away, without thinking,

"I don't know how to live again."

I guess a quote I once read is true : "Love to a man is something. But to a woman, love is everything."

Anyway, I have decided that I am not bounded to him anymore. Well, not yet. So, I might as well just do the things I want to do before the what ifs or the real thing happen. I absolutely don't want to miss out on things that I can do while I'm not legally attached. So, right now it is all up to me.

Engaged?

2007-02-14T16:13:00.000+08:00

I am both anxious, scared and excited to be engaged.
Even though it's next year.

I am starting to plan the details for the engagement.
I am starting to think of what to do for the engagement.

Am I crazy?
Am I too excited when I shouldn't?

I am definitely crazy, right?

Guys (with a sigh)

2007-01-23T10:26:00.001+08:00

Guys. They are so complicated and scornful beings. Guys think they can just pull anything off. And not being punished for it. Guys suck at getting a girl feels right. And sometimes, when there are girls among the guys’ group, they simply forget that the girl is A GIRL.

I am what people often call one of the guys. It’s amazing how I always think that guys are so damn irritating and spiteful, but yet I get along so well with them. There countless times they make fun of me. And sometimes it hurts me. But I rarely portray it in front of them. Most of the time, I laugh at my own ‘silliness’.

But some guys tick so quickly when I get sarcastic with them. Now, THAT I don’t understand. Hey, you can make me look like a fool (in front of other guys as a major plus), but when I try to make a simple joke, it ticks you off? Did it ever occur to you that I, too, feel the same way when you did the same thing to me? (I sighed). I’m telling you. Some guys are so clueless on how to treat a girl the right way.

One thing that I can say about my guy friends back home and am proud of is, they dig me for who I am and they actually like me! Sometimes I do take their words by heart and maybe at certain times they also take mine by heart. But we know clearly that sarcasm and jokes are part of the game.

And the thing about having boyfriends. Especially one who is the opposite of you. Like...he’s an Arsenal freak and you’re the MU fan (Fact: Man U and Arsenal are forever arch rivals). Yup, like THAT opposite. It’s heart-twisting when you watch a ManU-Arsenal match together, Arsenal won…and he starts talking endlessly and proudly over how his team won. It’s heart-wrenching when he doesn’t remember (plus doesn’t seemed to care) that you’re an MU supporter and is actually feeling down with the outcome of the game (Fact: Guys always think that girls only pretend to be interested in football).

On another point, there was a lady who said that, the good thing about having a guy is, when you have stupid problems or some sort, he’ll hold you in his arms and said, “It’s okay. It’s not stupid. Those things matter to you.” Oh, how I wish for that to happen to me! All I get is, “Come on…you’re fretting over some stupid stuff. Can you just let it go?” Can’t you guys get it? I want to be comforted! Not being babbled at how I fret over stupid things!

Yes. Guys. Arrogant, complicated, ridiculous beings. However, in a weird sort of way, we’re ladies are stuck happily with them. And in addition to what I just wrote earlier, I am actually love-struck by one of them. God help me, he must. And he must have loved me too! =) Yes, life works in a weird, scornful and sardonic ways.

Married to Happiness

2006-12-12T22:16:00.000+08:00

It's been a while since I posted new entry. But it doesn't matter right? These few weeks has been full of something I guess. My ups and downs in life, my practical thingy, etc. If you read my malay blog, you should know.

I'm in the phase of changing. Myself. Into a better person. Hopefully. And into becoming a much stronger, positive and mature person. I have to do this for the sake of my future and of course, my relationship. Serious relationship in fact. We've planned and we plan to make it work.

For the meantime, I think I'm happily married to happiness. Haha. Well, I'm happy for these past days and I intend to be happy for the next few weeks too. Hopefully (again). People say if you act happy, eventually that feeling just takes over you. And I am currently trying to achieve that. Thank God, so far it has proven to be very true.

I answer the phone (to my boyfriend) with happiness, and I found myself being able to accept that he is far from me yet we can meet if I just take time to be patient. Believe me, I haven't felt like that for quite some time now. And I feel happy to be able to get that feeling back! Yea! I am most grateful that people around me (mostly them being friends I haven't actually met in real life), are encouraging me and supporting me throughout this phase. Really, I feel so blessed!

I love my bf, I love my friends (yes, that means YOU!) and I am loving the new me (I am determine to make it last). Virgo is a strong sign. And although I fell, it's time for me to get back up again and re-show my strength. Bluevirgo, you go girl!!

Hehehe.

=(

2006-10-19T19:33:00.000+08:00

Have you ever felt like u've worked your ass off over something and it still come short? You have put a lot (when I say a lot it means a whole LOT) of effort at something you want to accomplish but people are saying that it's just not enough. I am facing one right now.

My r/ship. I have gone through so many, many changes...and yet, he's still not satisfied with what I've become. I've changed my lifestyle, I've changed my appearance, I've changed my attitude...still it's never enough for him. I asked myself few hundred times already, what more do I have to do? He said that he loved me just the way I am. But why do I have the feeling that he's trying to make me into one of his fantasy girl?

I'm sad. Sad because he always say that he knew me well. But does he? Why did he make me cry then? And I'm sad because I cannot be his fantasy girl. That no matter how much I try, it will never be enough. I told him that to change, I need time. Right now, he's not giving me that.

I know that most girls would want him as a bf. A non-smoker. Perfect child for any parents. Respectful to the elders. Would do anything for his girl...well, not everything I supposed. He reckon that I am lucky to have someone like him. So is most of my frens anyway. I just wish...he would stop hurting me like today. Lose his horrible temper. I hate it. I hate to be screamed at.

I guess I'm too weak. I wish I can just run off to my frens and tell them about my problems. But I've changed my lifestyle. For him. And I'm left alone. With no one to share my problems with. Here I am. Wanting to cry again. Alone.

I won't ask anymore

2006-08-24T07:21:00.000+08:00

His words were hurtful. I received a msg this morning from him and it kinda tears my heart. I asked myself...what is wrong? What have I done? But it seems...everything from me is just not right. Am I asking too much? Am I being too difficult? Am I spending too much of your money?!

Okay. I won't do that again. Okay. You don't have to come and see me. Okay. You don't have to call me. Not even once. I can live. You don't have to say you love me anymore. I know. You don't have to try to please me. And you don't have to try to understand me. Yes, I am a workaholic so I can basically just focus on what I have to do and what I want to do. You can say what you want of me...yes, I am all that.

I wish we can just get married, and have all these far apart problems away. But apparently we can't. I have to wait. So, I'll wait. What more can I ask? Well, now I ask for nothing. I ask for nothing except that you will always love me until the day I die. If love comes with money, I don't want any of it. I just want love without the material stuff and whatsoevernots.

Certainly...I really do think that I need to find that calm place...

Still alive...

2006-08-23T18:00:00.000+08:00

I haven't been updating this blog for a while I know. It's just that I have 2 blogs now...and I can only update one at a time. Plus...it's also due to the fact that I am really busy with work here at TV3. Man! Coming up to Fasting month and Raya, there are so much work around here. But although they are all fretting about work, so far...it's all good.

I'm having constant shoulder ache...especially when I'm doing work in front of the PC all the time. I just wish someone would volunteer to massage me. That'll be reeaaally good! Moreover, I haven't had enough rest for such a long time. I work 5 days a week. And on weekends, I go to see my bf who is obviously far away from here. Usually we take turns in seeing each other...but the last 3 weeks, I've been going to him. This week, he wanted to see me. He asked me to go to him again. HOnestly, I want him to come see me.

My parents are currently out of town. That's a problem because if he wants me to go where he is, I can't. I depend on public transports. I know I can't ask much of him. He calls me everyday. When we go out, he pays for me. Even if I want him to come here, it's going to cost him. A day trip costs RM50. And that's only the fuel and toll. It's so hard being far away from each other and constantly missing him every day.

I'm trying to stay focus on my work so that I don't have to always keep thinking of him. We've got many, many more years to come...and it's crucial for me to be understanding of his position and also keep with my faith in our r/ship. I never doubt in us and I promise myself that I never will. It's just the years that I have to withstand.

And even though I always seemed impatient and fragile of us...somehow I know I can.

Under-mood

2006-07-28T23:12:00.000+08:00

Want to know what I feel now? Not in the mood. I'm not in the mood to just simply talk to anyone, not in the mood to eat (even though my tummy is calling for sumthing...i think!), not in the mood to try and be happy, not in the mood to go to work tomorrow (but I have to), not in the mood to drive, not in the mood to chat, ...etc etc.

So why the heck am I in front of the computer? Well, because I'm not a sleeper kinda person. I only go to sleep when it's bedtime. Because at that time, my body respond to my brain telling me to shut my system. So, I go on the computer. I love the computer because with it, I can write, be creative and do my own thing. But right now I am having shoulder pain...the result from working too much on the comp (but my job requires me to!).

My bf and I had a fight (part of why I'm not in the mood). I guess life is not a glass full huh? And I couldn't believe that I fell for a fairy tale story. I forget about what I remembered so long ago. Love and faith to religion and God is permanent, eternity...whereas love to other people, maybe not. I believed that he would always love me and never turn away. I believed our love is eternity. I believed that he would never get bored of me. I believed he wants me for who I am. I believe he would be fine with me now and in the future.

But I realized...that one day...maybe someday...everything that I believed in will eat me up. He would maybe forget about me. Lost his love for me. He would maybe get bored of me. And fly away from me. It hurts me...it hurts me so deeply inside, so much that I feel my heart is slicing itself and tearing itself to bits. I cried thinking of the possibilities. In my cries, I asked God to help me. I know I have done countless sins and yet, I still hope that He would forgive me and help me. I asked Him to guide me in every decisions I make and to guide me getting through my faith.

I don't know what to do now. Either lie down or finish my work. I have 3 jobs which I have to finish by Monday. Unfortunately, I have to go to work tomorrow. My shoulder is aching hard. I hope it's nothing serious. Anyway, I thought about dying just now. I hope that I can die repented from my sins and being faithful to my religion. I asked God to help me in achieving my goal. If I am meant to die early, please help me solve anything that is unsolved.

p/s: I know he would read this. If not today, then tomorrow. If not tomorrow, some day. Just to let him know that I am deeply and terribly SORRY. I am emotionally fragile and it's best if I just be quiet for a while. Daa~

In His hands

2006-07-24T21:02:00.000+08:00

Being in love. So many people out there think it's as easy as 1,2,3. And many think that being in love is so beautiful. It's beautiful when everything is right. It then turns bitter when the monster's out from the closet. Yesterday, I felt so hard parting from my bf. That unwanting-to-part-from-him feeling is so big that all I wish right then was the ability to just be with him every second of every day.

I prayed just now. I prayed and I asked God to give me a sign if he is the one. I want him to be. I now know why people in love always marry early. Sometimes, they've only known each other for 3 months, and decided to get married. Most, a year. I prayed to God with all of my heart. I asked Him for a lot of things. I asked Him for guidance. I asked Him for the will in helping me to be strong.

I cried. I feel so helpless. I feel so...useless. I feel like I cannot do anything at all for my life. I asked God to farther me away from Satan's evil intentions and from nafsu that will get me to the path of darkness. I want to be in the path of righteousness. But...I know I am weak. I keep falling into my own wants and those darkness traps. I asked Him to help me in keeping my faith to His religion. I asked Him to keep me strong in facing the reality in my life...the hardships...

I am a few steps away from graduating. And I am scared of what I am going to do after that. How am I going to juggle my love life and my working life? Moreover, how am I going to succeed to be a fully grown woman? How am I going to be prepared to be a wife someday? Honestly, I often think I can't. And I can't wait for the long years. Seriously.

I pray to God to help me get through my life. I asked him for any signs. And so far, what I get is taking a time out. For a while. It's like Him telling me that I have to sacrifice to help me be sane. I know if we stay together for really long, it'll drive him crazy. It's because girls are prone to talk about marriage. Guys, dislike that stuff. They only talk about it when they really are going for it. I, am surprising myself by always talking about it now. I know I got to stop. But I don't think it'll (the stop talking bout it) last long.

So, that's what God told me. Maybe I will try not being too dependent and try to be patient by not seeing him too often. Time-off? Not now. Maybe when it gets drastic. When it gets to the point that soem measures have to be taken. I pray to God with all of my heart and leave all the decisions in His hands.

I belong to Sorrow..

2006-07-20T16:42:00.000+08:00

Haven't posted for quite some time right? Yeap, yeap. Hehehehehhehe. A lot has happened during my absence. I am now undergoing 6 months internship at Sri Pentas under Media Prima. Yes, I am in the building where many television stations, not to mention Grand Brilliance Sdn Bhd lives in.

Anyway, so far I have 2 jobs. Both for TV9. It's been nearly 2 weeks I'm here. 18 weeks more to go! Notice that when I say 18 weeks, it sounds shorter than me saying 6 months. I had a day off yesterday. Went to UKM to settle some unsettled stuff. And of course, met my bf! Hehehehhehe. I sooo miss him! We chatted a lot...and I just felt bliss being with him. There is nothing I want more than just being with him.

Ohh...guess what? These past few days I kept seeing artistes come and go at Sri Pentas. Saw Fasha Sandha & Jehan Miskin (again) just now. My bf likes her...I don't. Haha. Ahh...what the heck. I like seeing artistes, but not enough to like be fanatic over them. They're just human like the rest of us. The difference between us and them is, they have more money! Hahahhaaha. Of course, other people like Datuk2 & Datin2 also have more money. =P

God, I soo miss my bf! I am now really sleepy...due to late night yesterday and excessive travelling (yeah right!). I pray that we really are meant for each other and that day will come soon. It's not like I am desperate or somewhat...it's just that I kept thinking what will happen during the long length of time (if it's many many years to come). Sometimes, I just wish I'd never met him then and I would just meet him somewhere in the future where both of us are already making money and ready.

Goshhh...I have to do a LOT of things before I can go into that you know. I wanted to wear tudung permanently...but I have set a target for it. If I achieve that target, then I will wear permanently. I want to be perfect. Not only in his eyes, but in mine too. However, I always have these negative thoughts about myself. I know I am abusing myself with all these negative things...but I am powerless to control it. I kept asking myself, when...when...how...how... Ughh!!! I am so sick of this!

I am sick of myself being powerless of everything. Is this because of the way I grew up? Seriously, I grew up as always being put down by my mother. She kept saying that I can't be this and that. I need a motivation...I need some comfort...I need someone to help me...I need a strong current to lift my spirit up...I need a boost of...I dunno...of everything!!!!!!!! I'm helpless, I'm useless, I'm lazy, I'm slow, I'm dumb...I want to cry.............

Try better

2006-07-07T22:35:00.000+08:00

I should be more considerate and understanding of my bf's position. I am trying to be better than the person I am. I still lack in some qualities and today, I had a test of that. At first, I was kind of down on some things that happened. But later, I realize that I have to understand. And that is what I am going to do.

You know, maybe I expect too much from him. Of course, as a woman, many people said I should. And most people think so. Because guys, simply, cannot have a girl too easy. That is why a girl's virginity is a treasure. That is why a girl is so protected by her parents.

Anyway, I am trying not to expect too much of him. I know a LOT now. I HAVE to be independent. What if someday, the unexpectable happen? What if, the thing I wanted to happen quickly will in the end, take many long years to fulfil? I know that I have to depend on myself. But somehow, I feel that I am helpless in all this. I depend too much on him. Is this right? Deep down I know that I have to plan something to make my future secure.

So, okay. I will try and try to be more independent and of course, more understanding of his situation. I have to get rid of my too manja self. I mean, manja is okay...when it's with your loved one but too manja? No-no. I have to find a way to motivate myself to be more and more dependent on MYSELF.

End.

Appreciate

2006-07-06T23:09:00.000+08:00

I met my bf today. We've been apart for a few days. Thing is, I realize how hard it is to be apart from him for more than two days. He sent me home by riding on the commuter with me. And when we actually parted, a feeling came over me.

That feeling tells me that I need him for the rest of my life. I realize that I haven't done much appreciation on everything that he did for me. I do acknowledge...but I did not appreciate much. When I sat beside him on the train and talked about the future, I wanted so badly that the future is now. I mean, that we have our own occupation and is ready to settle down. I realize more and more that I don't know what the future holds for us. One thing I do know is that I will be with him.

I don't want us to always have a fight. But we always do. And most of the time, over something stupid and small. Luckily for me, he knows how to make it good again. He always know. I am so lucky in many ways. I am lucky that he's mine and deep down, I know that he loves me more than I can ever imagine. He has done so much in order to make me happy.

I have never been loved by anybody as much as my bf loves me. He showed me reality and let out the girl that's been hiding inside me. I am so thankful to him for discovering me and accepting me as I am. He waits for me and is always patient with me. When I reached home, I cried thinking of the stuff we went through together, all the things he did for me, the love that he poured for me...it all just countless to count.

But what matters most is, I should be especially thankful to God, the Almighty Allah. He has provided me the sincere love from a man that I have been waiting for. He guided me to him and him to me at the time we reached adulthood. I thank Him for still giving me a chance of happiness when I often stray far from the guided road. I am always searching for my true self and for the sincere spirit for me to go 'home'.

To my forever love,
You have been the greatest guy anyone could ever ask for. And I am so glad that you are my soulmate. I love you the way you are. And my love for you will never end. You're the light of my life, my best friend, my doctor, my life, my soul, my medicine...you're my everything.

Will football be like F1?

2006-06-16T11:50:00.000+08:00

I am seriously tired. I guess with all this World Cup thingy plus the fact that I have so much projects on the way! Yesterday I missed the England - Trinidad&Tobago match. I was asleep. Qada' tdo actually. I was really draining out of energy. Luckily, I got it back (a little) after I decided to eat rice.

Anyway, England won last night. 2-0. But according to my friends, Peter Crouch was seriously dumbed while playing. HIs goal was like a cover up for his dumbness for the earlier 80 minutes of the match. Thank God Gerrard score. At least my fantasy points are improving! Woohoo!! Oh yeah, Rooney made an appearance! He's better!

Oh, and the latest news is, Chelsea is currently thinking of buying Phillip Lahm (Germany) who is now in Bayern Munich. What?!?! Come on. I'm sick of hearing Chelsea buy this star, that star but in the end, they don't get to play as much! What the heck are they thinking? Locking football stars in the closet so other teams can't buy them? Thus, making Chelsea an easy champion? Football is supposed to be interesting! If there is no fight, football will become like the F1 race. Oh, well...Let's hope that Lahm will not go to Chelsea.

Since today is Friday, it's weekend isn't it? Too bad I'm not free. So, cannot go 'cuti2'. Hehe. Happy weekend to you guys! I am still tired but I have to get myself to stop thinking about that. I have to do my work! Okk2. I'm off now. I'll post something better next time eh. See ya then. ChOwwWzzzzaAAA!!!!

Support our National Squad!

2006-05-29T12:00:00.000+08:00

Well, yesterday MyTeam vs Malaysia. Sadly, MyTeam lost 2-1. But they were good footballers! Seriously. FAM should consider training them and put them in the national squad team. These talents are not for waste! Shebby put together MyTeam not to compete with the Malaysia's national football squad, but it is a measure to discover new football talents out there. We Malaysians know the stage of our football team. We are so far behind. They are so many talents out there that are yet to discover.

FAM should not be egoistic but they should be wise and be the one to think ahead. What should they do to improve the quality of our football team? Our football players right now (MyTeam & Malaysia) are too lazy to catch the ball. I saw the game yesterday and they were too many should-not-make mistakes done. Players are just too lazy to run for the ball that was only few inches in front of them! Come on, it was worth it! Play like the EPL players!

Seriously, if you look at it, our football squad is going nowhere except in our own country. Yes, we have heard about the U-23 squad that beat the Manchester United Academy squad by 4-0 (hope that I'm right). But with this, we cannot still be proud. Why? Well, first, we have to help our teams first. The Malaysian football team have to prove that they have what it takes to be on par with other country's team. Only then, they can be proud. But they have to remember not to lose focus.

So, what do we do? We, as supporters, have to always support our own squad. Even though their record is not to be bagged, but we have to be there for them. Who would support the Malaysian team if not the Malaysians? Indons won't support Malaysia. They only support the Selangor team because of Bambang. Although our teams (country or state) might disappoint us, but we have to have faith in them. Our support is what they need in order for them to move forward!

So let's support our Malaysian & state team!

FAM, widen your search for talents as they are so many potentials out there. Seriously.

Movie weekdays

2006-05-23T21:45:00.000+08:00

Watch Over The Hedge. It's funny! And I like it! Hehehhehehe. I saw that movie yesterday. With of course, my beloved man. We had classes but somehow, we don't feel like going. So, off we go to MidValley. We went there by commuter because we are saving money. Hehe.

Before we went out, my bf asked me to wear jilbab or scarf or in malay, we call it tudung, to Mid Valley. I don't know why but he was kind of urging me to wear it (actually, he is anxiously waiting for me to wear tudung permanently, which I am not telling when will that be). At first, I kind of refused. But when I was in my room (changing my clothes), I was like, "Okay, what the heck. I might as well wear it. If that is what he wants, he shall get it." And I did!

When he saw me, he had this BIG smile on his face. It was priceless! I love making him happy! And so, I, went to Mid Valley doning a jilbab, with my bf, for the first time ever. Isn't that something? Hehehe. Well, he knows I love him and I know that he loves me very much.

And earlier today, we went out again. This time, we watched Poseidon. Which is also a good movie. But this time, believe it or not, we went to Warta MBO Cineplex! Seriously, the place is not bad. I like the fact that the movie theatre was not crowded at all. =)

You know, my bf really does love me. It's just that his fanatic love of football sometimes make me feel unimportant and it's like watching him from the other side of the field. Honestly, I have been thinking a lot since yesterday. About a lot of things too. He said something that trigger those thoughts back today. I am starting to wish so many things again now...

train incident

2006-05-20T23:22:00.000+08:00

Alas, I'm finally home for the weekend. Got something to story to you guys. Want to know what happened on my way back? As usual, I took the train to Central to go home. My bf sent me to the station and suddenly, people wo were taking the Rawang train had to change platform. Me and my bf was puzzled but I did it without much question.

After the train took off, I called my bf on the phone telling him to go straight home without waiting for Friday prayer. His house is only 30 minutes away and at 1130 am, he can make it before it. While I was on the phone, from the train window I saw police and few construction workers on the other side of the train track. I thought maybe there was a jail breaker or a criminal who escape by train.

You know what exactly it? An Indian man, was hit by a train! And I, ILynn, saw the body of the man on the railway track! It was eerie...but it was one of the things that I felt, "Wow, I saw a live dead eerie body in front of me!" My God!

Oh yeah, I've added friends to my buds blog list. Arip is a newcomer to the blogging world. Check him out! This guy is one of my bestest buddy in TTDI. We've grown together since primary school and still good friends now. =) Also, check my Malay blog at Friendster.

I'm not going to write long this time. I'm waiting for a call from my dearest bf. Hehehhehehe. Til next post. ChoWWwzZzzaaAAaa!!!

Homework

2006-05-17T11:32:00.000+08:00

Did you ever thought that it's easier being single than being in a relationship? Did you ever wish to be single again? I think most guys think this way. Some even say that being single is better than being attached! Is it true? To say if I have ever thought of it, I don't quite remember. If there is, I think they're countable. I am happy in my relationship now, I feel blessed. Yes, they are times we fought, but I still love him no matter what.

I often questioned things. This and that. I asked my bf his opinion on why guys like their gf 'manja'. He didn't answer but said that it's my homework to do. After some thoughts, I came to the answers. I think guys like their gf manja and such because it makes them feel needed. It makes them feel they have the power to protect their girl. How about that? Am I right?

I apologize if my posts lately have all been on the aspects of love or my love life. I guess it's because I am rarely at home, and all of my time are devoted to studies and my bf. Being in one place with your bf is one of the perks in a relationship. You see your bf almost everyday (in my case, everyday). But what if you cannot see each other as often after that? Trust me, it's hard. I've been there, done that. 5 days apart and we're already missing the presence of one another. 2 weeks apart can make us crazy!

Oh well. Love huh? People say when you are in love, everything seems beautiful. And when you're married, those things are lost. Is it really like that? I hope not. Because, like most women, they want the love sparks to always exist even when they are old. But...it's what everybody says...love would not be the same after marriage....

I guess I better off now. See you guys next post. ChOwWWwzZZzaAAAaa!!!

when there is so much feelings

2006-04-30T22:54:00.001+08:00

You want to know something? My life is unstable. I set my priorities before. But suddenly I feel that it is not balanced enough. I am missing out on something. I need my own space but at the same time, I need someone with me. How confusing is that?

I ask questions to myself a LOT. Have I forgotten my friends? Have I forgotten the important things that I need in my life? Have I lost the sense of myself? Have I lost balance in my life? What is it that I want actually? Why can't I have what I always wanted?

I want to be loved. Not just loved, but a full scale of loving. Am I expecting too much? You know, I told him that I need to be alone. I need to figure things out. We are contantly having these feelings of...tak puas hati with each other. And most of the time, I feel pretty much left out. I feel far from him. Even though we see each other every day, 24 minus probably 7 hours a day, but I cannot feel his careness as much as before. I always seemed to be reaching out, for him. It's like, I want you like this so I have to tell you to do it.

It's right huh? That the longer we are with someone, as friends or partner, we take advantage of the situation. We do everything in lesser amount. With me, I don't want any lesser. I just wish everything will always be the same. I often try to voice out my feelings, my opinions, but I always lose in a debate. In the end, everything will be pointed out to me. I will be the main culprit. Frankly, I am tired of being the one who is in the wrong side. Couldn't my say be a consideration in all of this? I know that I am not like most people with looks and money. I am not like others who can throw expensive gifts. For heaven's sake, I don't have it all!

Truth is, I have a problem. An inside problem. Psycho problem. I am not afraid to admit. I have a very low self-esteem and I constantly feel the worst of myself. I always compare myself to people and feel inadequate with myself. But I never tell anyone. Because in real life, I am a good actor. Silently, I hope he knows me and understand. But until now, I am keeping mummed about it and I know that he is puzzled with my behaviour. But there's nothing I can do. I just hope that one day he will find that and understand. I am not like many people. I need that extra attention from him.

I miss him. I don't deny that. Come on, how can you not miss someone who you love and see every day? But I made up my mind, I need some time. He is getting tired with me and all my doings, and I am in a position where I really need his attention and not getting enough. I don't want things to get worse. Some time apart should be good for us to think and grow I hope.

I want to enjoy this one week of holiday before going for studies again. My friends are here for me. I have tons of stuff to do at home. I can think about stuff alone while jogging or doing my exercise. I chose the right moment. Time.

when actions and words matter

2006-04-30T07:43:00.000+08:00

To tell you the truth, being in love is not an easy thing. Boy, such such work! I realized that the farther we are in a relationship, we cannot expect too much. Thing is, the farther I am in mine, I love more and I expect more. But they aren't happening. Instead, I have to expect less. Sometimes, I am grateful to just have a person who loves me. But at other times...I just wish that we could be more...I don't know, new I guess.
Back to the early part of a relationship. Those were the sweet times, when the attention is only on you and other things did not matter.

You see, guys think that by showing the actions of love, it's enough. But what I see is, what guys think is enough, girls will think it's not. And what girls think is enough, guys will also think it's not. Yes, girls really do appreciate the actions but at the same time, we need to hear it. What if girls decided to not say anything and just do the actions of love? Well, what would happen is that guys will never get their girls! Why? Because they don't know how the girl feel about them. Same goes with girls. Even though you might have gone overboard to prove your love, you still have to say it. Actions may speak louder than words but words clarify the actions. In love, you need both.

Anyway, I am not having second thoughts. I love him. And I treat him like I would treat my husband. They will never be another. It's just that, I cannot seem to be more than satisfying. I always feel that I am up against all these women (models, actresses, etc) that he likes. Okay, you might think I am being paranoid and childish but the insecure feeling in me is far much greater. I am scared of many things.

I do know that I still have to grow. Me and Him. There is so much to learn between us. There is so much.

a jot

2006-04-12T20:05:00.000+08:00

Your Career Type: Artistic

You are expressive, original, and independent.
Your talents lie in your artistic abilities: creative writing, drama, crafts, music, or art.

You would make an excellent:

Actor - Art Teacher - Book Editor
Clothes Designer - Comedian - Composer
Dancer - DJ - Graphic Designer
Illustrator - Musician - Sculptor

The worst career options for your are conventional careers, like bank teller or secretary.

What's Your Ideal Career?

It's been a while since I wrote right? I've been really busy actually. Man, life as a student is really hectic! Projects and assignments back to back.

Many things happened - countless. Too many to story. But last Friday, I lost my ring. My precious ring. It was a gold ring and I treasure it so much as it meant so much to me. I lost it during a movie. I was watching Gubra. It was a good movie but until now, I still am sad about my missing ring.

I lost weight these past weeks. I don't know how. I eat everyday. I eat more than before. Maybe it is due to my eating habit. I eat slow and often. Yeah, must be it huh? And this is also the cause for the ring to have fallen from my finger! My finger looks like skeleton's finger! Gosh, I need to gain back my weight!

Oh, guess what? My beloved bought me a new ring because he didn't want to see me sad. It is white gold and it sparkles! I love! Thing is, when I look at this ring, it makes me smile. It makes me think of him always and it also makes me think about his love for me. I began to appreciate more the things I haven't appreciate.

My mom and sister went to Bandung. I actually don't want anything much. I just want them to bring something back for my bf, his sister and his mom. I've become really close to them and I see them as my family. =) I am so glad that my bf's family accept me as I am and they also motivate and support me in anything I do - as long as it's not a bad thing.

Okk...I gotta go. Thirsty. ChOwWWwzZZzaaAAaa!!!

2 minutes

2006-03-16T16:00:00.000+08:00

i dunno what to write in here now. I guess lately i've been to caught up in so many assignments and my life is not too complicated as I rarely go back home.

my last aunty got married. Therefore, next up will be me. Looks like all my aunties are anxious for my coming wedding. Hmm...when will that be huh?

anyway, i think my bf has finished his class. better go to him now. ChOwWWWzZzZAAaa!!!

...the end of report

2006-02-18T23:12:00.000+08:00

I know it's bad for me to be feeling like this. Some of you would feel that I'm such an ungrateful person and all. But to endure this since I was a child is a hard thing, you see. I never had a good relationship with my mother. But I think they should be other people who have it worst than me.

Well, anyhow, I met a woman who have been through the lowest and now, the highest points of her life. She had been declared to bankruptcy in Jakarta years ago and also had her children kidnapped from her. I was shocked to hear her story and to see how faithful and spiritual she is. She thinks of God all the time and I thought it was amazing. It suddenly dawned on me of how many sins I have done and to see this woman, I felt so low. Her children are all very very nice and intelligent. Although only one of her daughter wears jilbab (scarf), but they were all very nice people. Her son who was only 12 then, became the family's source of income when they were on their lowest points. He works as an actor. And no, he doesn't seemed to have forgotten that he's a Muslim.

I want to go to Jakarta again. With my Dad and my sister. One day. Although I don't know when. Gosh, I can't believe I have written all this! But yeah...these are some of the things that I have been through. I think I should stop. I can't let everything out in a dash. One at a time... Tomorrow I'm going back to UKM. Want to go back in the morning but haven't pack yet. I'll do it after this. Also waiting for my bf's call. I hope he calls. Yeah, I better go. Good night and sweet dreams to all. Assalamualaikum. ChOwWWWzZzZAaaA!!!

Jakarta...what did I get?

2006-02-18T20:52:00.000+08:00

Hmm...almost as if nothing! Well, I got few lessons and one of them is, never go travel with my mother alone. Because in the end, I get nothing. I wanted to buy souvenirs for my friends, my bf & his family, my sister, my aunty etc but she is reluctant to even let me buy something for myself! I was so frustrated because of that. If I want something, I have to convince her to buy it...which is not easy. And only if she finds that the stuff I want is to her liking.And no, my mother did not give me money to spend in Jakarta. She holds them all.

My mother told me to not spend too much and so forth. She told me that my father is currently having some financial problems and yes I know, he also has some business problems too. She told me to save! But how am I suppose to save if they are not giving me enough expenses to survive in college? And the ironic thing is, she spent quite endlessly in Jakarta! And for herself too! My father asked me, what did I buy? And I told him that I can't buy anything because my mother is the one who's spending too much and is not letting me make my own choice. I think that's why he let me choose any chocolates that I want (for myself!) when we arrived at KLIA. I LOVE MY DAD!

I am embarrassed because when my friends go holidaying, they buy me souvenirs. But when it's my turn, I couldn't return the favour. Before I go off to Jakarta, I had it all planned in my head. I want to buy him this, I want to buy her that etc etc. But when I get there, my plans went caput. There was one time when we passed Hard Rock Indonesia, I gave a clear hint that I want to go there. You can guess what happens next right? A 'next-time-we'll-go-there' from my mother. Yeah, yeah. When is the next time huh? Hah, I'll make sure the next time, I'll be the one happily go to places and buy what I want.

After this it will be my sister's turn to go with my mom. Bandung. I told her to shop and shop for herself. I told her to buy lots and lots of stuff for me as well as for the people that I will list later (planning to give a list of people to buy for). Just spend as much as my mom spend. Yeah, you can see that I'm pissed. I guess this is also due to the fact that I am almost 21 and I still don't have the freedom to spend. I envy other people who have very considerate, thoughtful and generous mother. I want to be that kind of mother when I have children.

to be continued...

Simple gesture set my heart in fireworks

2006-02-14T22:26:00.000+08:00

Well, I'm at home. Having my mid-sem break. But I couldn't exactly say it's a break. Gotta do some assignments and some stuff. I have to check on my practical stuff...I'm having it after my short sem. Gosh, when I think about LI (Industrial Training), I feel that I'm finishing degree very fast already! I have few places to go LI already. And they're not bad!

Tomorrow I'll be off to Jakarta. It's like a holiday trip for me...I'm just going with both my parents. The others will stay home. They will have their turns when they're on their school holiday. My sister, Dini, will be going to Bandung with my mom on April while the other kids will follow to Bangkok (don't know when). I want to go to Ancol and ride the rollercoaster (I must!). I want to have fun while I'm there...while missing my bf of course!

The last week, it had been a best week for me and my bf. I guess we made an effort to make it great for the both of us. I tried with my every effort to make it happen...but I almost ruin it when I did something that I didn't think it would affect our effort. Thankfully, it lasted for a short while and we were up again. He was really nice to me the whole week that I didn't bear to part with him when it was time for me to go home.

Then, we meet again. Unplanned actually. But because I knew it would make him happy to see me, moreover before I go off to Jakarta, so I just went. It was really great to see him again...even if it was only a day apart. I have missed him so. He then sent me home by train. Although I told him that he needn't send me, but he insisted. It felt so nice to be sitting beside him and hold him. At times, he did some gestures that I like...and I smile silently to myself.

Arrived at the first station (for me), we had our McDs. Him - Flurry and I - Shake. Then, I'm off to my next train home. Whenever I have to part from him, I just have that feeling of...I don't know. Just a feeling of not liking it I guess. I have become too attached to him that it's quite hard to go away from him. But I think I actually can handle it...it's just my mind trying to weaken me. Yeah...maybe. As I was about to go, I took his hand and kissed it (in Malay it's called 'bersalam'...something that you do to people older than you and who you respect). And then, he did a really melting gesture. Gosh, I loved it!! Suddenly I felt as if I don't ever want to let go of him. It was just a simple gesture but it set my heart aflutter. It made me longed to have him by my side again and again...

My Own Ride

2006-02-03T11:14:00.000+08:00

It's a daunting experience being in a relationship. It's part of life, yes, many knows that. It also is like a ride. Sometimes you're up, sometimes you're down. I'm accepting the fact that the hard times are for us to know each other better and try to solve things that are disturbing between us.

I have been thinking a lot. Of what I could do to make things better. I suck at being a good gf I think. I guess because I'm friends with mostly guys, therefore I don't really have that soft feminine touch inside me. However, each day I try to become the best of me to my bf. Sometimes, I'm a complete failure to make him happy when he's sad but I try to be there for him.

Life is short to live it full of arguments and fights. I want us to live a very happy and healthy relationship. You'll never know what could happen the next day, the next minute, the next second...and I want me and him to be very happy before any other second. I don't want to die regretting the happy times we could achieve instead of fighting. When I think about this, I have a determination in creating a more peaceful environment with us.

To be in love is such a wonderful thing...and I want to make it last for both of us. Time will let us discover who we are with each other and let us know more about one another. I am not ashamed at all to say that I love my bf because yes, like most people, my bf is everything to me.

My ride in this love thingy has taught me a lot. Even so, I still lack of certain skills that I certainly need. It's tough because I take a slow time in learning...but it's better late than never. Every day is a journey. And every journey is tough and at times, they can be rough. But this is my life. If I'm not going to go through it, who will? I may say more than my actions now. But maybe someday, my actions will speak much louder than my words. Life is a ride...and whether I like it or not, I am going to get through MY ride.

just a day

2006-01-19T11:32:00.000+08:00

Apparently, my Animation cls on Thursday has been cancelled. I guess because we have started on lab. So I am here, waiting for my 12 o'clock cls. Then, I'll be free for 2 hours and up to my next cls at 4pm.

I'm bored and writing now just for fun. Life is as usual. Going through the time so slowly. Yesterday, I slept early and caught myself waking up almost every hour. I called my bf few times and he didn't picked up. He slept like a log! I was worried of what could happen to him and all (because I thought he went for Futsal)...but was relieved when he did finally wake up at 730 am this morning. Fiuh! I was so glad nothing happened.

So, we went for breakfast and we were thinking of going to the movie. Unfortunately, we both have class today. Maybe tomorrow? Hope so! =) It's been quite some time since we went to watch movie.

Gosh, my back shoulder hurts. Hey, I think I better go. I need to do some stuff. See ya then? ChOwWwzZZzaAAa!!

Trial times

2006-01-15T02:35:00.000+08:00

When someone tells you that you're not matured yet, what do you feel? Especially when it's from someone you love? Hurt? Well, that's exactly how I feel when I get the 'you-are-not-matured' talks. I remember few weeks ago when I feel nothing about it. You can say to me that I am not matured whatsoever...and I couldn't care less. But now, the words hit me quite hard sometimes. I kept asking myself, 'Why?'. Why, all of a sudden, I started to feel these things? I wish I have the answers now and I wish that I'll get out of it soon.

Anyway, it's 230 am here in Malaysia...and I actually get on the Net, after waiting for my father to finish, with intention to online with my bf (since he told me to go online). But when I did, I found out he was asleep and too lazy to go online. Kinda hurt a little when he is not responding to anything I said to him while on the phone...but I guess I was being too sensitive and selfish.

Just like my last post, I am still on trial times right now. Things are up and down. Sometimes I feel easy and sometimes I feel hard. Nothing is smooth sailing when 'the weather's' down. And I have to be patient in enduring that, bcoz apparently 'the sky' is not in a great mood for me.

I have tried to be the greatest person...and I have been my best the past few years. It's just that this lately, I don't feel like I am. I have been neglecting my home friends, having the 'green' feeling too easily, being suspicious of ppl, etc etc. I don't get out as much as I did before. I don't go to my theatre meetings anymore, I don't hang out with my guys, I seldom hang around with the girls... And all this, is doing nothing good to my self-esteem.

I realized that I don't want to lose touch with my life. I used to have so much fun with all the guys and girls. I was so independent and cheerful all the way. Am I losing that part of my life now? You know what? I think I will have to re-order my life! I can't just be sitting here, wondering what I should do, thinking about my life and do nothing. I will take an action of getting my life back in order and inject some perspective to it. How's that sounds for a starter?

Okk..time for me to take a nap. See you in the next post. ChOwwWwzZZzaAAa!!!

Early test

2006-01-05T21:26:00.000+08:00

I realize that it's getting harder and harder to try and live my life like a fairytale. I forgot for a while that in reality, happiness doesn't stick forever. These lately, some things have been happening. Maybe it's because of my sudden sensitivity towards every little thing or maybe it's because of tested patience etc etc. But what is true is that all that is happening are meant to test me.

I missed hanging out with my guys dearly...but being a university student, with much work to endure, it's getting hard for us to group together. Moreover, I now have extra responsibility so I have to consider the extra too. I've been drifting away from the guys...but I really miss them.

Relationship with my bf is going good, but there are trial times that I find it hard. I've been very sensitive lately and is trying to get out of it. He's been having his temper but I don't know what he is doing to control it. I hate it when we get into fights because it never failed to hurt me but somehow, relationships are meant to have them. It's quite puzzling. Why can't we have a very peaceful relationship? Anyone have them?

I'm concern with money also. Trying to get Mom to bank-in money into my account is such a hard thing to do. She still thinks we're in an era where we can have some things for a cheap price. Well, not everything Ma! And I dislike the fact that she thinks I'm supported by my bf. Come on, I'm not married yet! Wait til I get married and all your 'banking-in money for Liyana' will not be of your concern anymore! Gosh, can you feel the tension now?

And one more thing. I am a little jealous because my sister got into a course which I so badly want to be in since I was little. Well, thanks for me being the eldest, I have to take up somthing got to do with computer! Not that I dislike computing, but I want to do journalism so bad! I love writing!! Grrrr!!!

Okk2...it's 10pm. The lab is closing. I better go. Guess I have to go through these life tests my own way. Huh. ChOwWWwZZzzaAAa for noww!!!!

Whatever words I say, I will always love you...

2005-12-16T13:49:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, me and my bf had a quite 'tense discussion'. It's not an argument because we were not fighting. He had this bad instinct, and took a sudden decision to come and see me. Well, he was right.

A friend of mine (from UTM) called and asked me out. Me and two of them (guys). I was not confirmed on whether I want to go or not. I know I didn't really want to go because in my mind was, This is not right. I cannot do this. He would not like it. It was also the fact that I somehow know he won't like me going out with them (well, one of them actually). Then, as I was writing an sms cancelling my going out with them, my bf called. With a very tense tone, he said he's coming to see me. I knew something was not right.

So, when he came to the house, we had very tense moments. He said some things that hurted me. There were so many times that I just wanted to cry...but I held it back. Although I kinda knew he didn't meant any of it, the words were hurtful. I remember myself standing there with him and felt one of the worse feeling I have ever felt - if he walked out of my life (okk..I feel like I want to cry now).

However far away,
I will always love you;
However long I stay,
I will always love you;
Whatever words I say,
I will always love you,
I will always love you.

Anyway, I'm glad it was only a short while. He just needed to make sure that I would never do anything that he didn't like and anything that would hurt him. We're okk after our discussion and went out together as usual. This time, our love is stronger. I know that now. I am so in love with him...no matter how long we're together.

You know, it's great that we had our magic with each other. All these instincts both of us get when things were not quite right. It proves that we have our deep connection with one another. It tells me that he is an important part of me. That I can never be without him. That he is the man in my life. I love you sygg...

Memoirs of an old writing

2005-12-13T22:58:00.000+08:00

Something makes me want to write. I was actually in the middle of cleaning my room since my Dad just bought new shelf for the room. So, while I was gathering through things and sorting them out, I found my old writings in a file.

I seldom throw out any of my writings. I don't have a diary and so, if I want to pour out my feelings in paper, I would just take an A4, fold it and wrote in it. I found many of those. There were stories from the time I was still not very matured. Bitter times with my exes. Through the time I grew, I have become much more than who I was before. Back then, I was so carefree. I was still a kid.

I read about the lusts and infatuations...those were just puppy love. I read about my brokedown, when I just cried everytime I'm by myself...those were my hard hard times. I read about me finding my true identity...that was the time of discovering. I read about my confusion in life...I guess the answer will be just about anything up until now. And then, I found something that I thought was simply nice.

This was written on a piece of paper. I wrote about guys and true love. I've had it with unreal love and decided to not fall again until the right one comes along. I had made a list. And this was what I had written:

WHAT I REALLY WANT FROM A POTENTIAL BF

Careness...bunches of it! (Amik berat sket...)
Comfortable...can be totally myself. Can talk about ANYTHING at all.
Understanding...accept me as I am. Accept my changes.
Loving...a lil romantic-ness is no harm =P
Humour, witty & fun...craziness & childish-like (not too much tho) is much welcomed.
Sincerity + loyalty + trust + respect
Not a heavy smoker, not a clubber, not an alchoholic drinker
Never in any means try 2 hurt me...meaning he avoids doing/saying stuff that wpuld hurt/annoy me.
A friend/best friend...can go shopping with, laughing & gossiping with, supportive in good & bad times, my counselor/shrink
Sum1 who I can't live without...can't imagine my life w/out him + LOVE that doesn't fade away...lasting 4 a whole lifetime.

I totally forgot that I ever wrote these down! But of course, I had most of the points in my mind. Anyway, no matter now. I have a bf already. And yes, it's a serious one. =)

What is it? Does he fulfill all the points? YES! While I was reading this, I did think of him. And I'm glad to say that he's all I ever wanted. Not to say our r/ship is all smooth sailing because what r/ship doesn't have its ups and downs? But to conclude all, we have a very healthy r/ship I must say. I am happy and so is he. I can't think of any other man that I'd rather be with than him.

It's good to have God's blessings and to always pray to him for our lasting relationship. Amiiinnn...

I hate crying!

2005-12-10T02:13:00.000+08:00

I don't know why. But I cry easily lately. Actually, I'm crying right now. Inside and outside. But I have to cover it because my friend is here, she is sleeping in my room now.

I've been thinking lots of serious things. I cried the other day because I miss him so much and because I was having these scary thoughts. I cried for two days. Now I'm crying because of what he said online. I don't understand. Why am I such a crybaby?!?! Is it because of too many things in my head? Is it because of my unbalanced hormone? Is it because of PMS? I don't know...

My heart feels..I don't know..I can't explain. I guess it feels like a knife is slicing my heart...I was doing something that I was forced to do. It's not like I want to go out, it's not like I'm so happy to do it. And then, he gave me a cold shoulder. I know he always does that when he's not in a good mood. But not now. I noticed that I am very fragile these few days. Seriously I don't know why...it could be something got to do with my hormones? It can affect your moods.

I love him soo much. I'm not the easiest person to be with. But he's the only one who can handle me. And since being with him, I have changed, according to my friends. And they stated that it's good. I've changed from my old ways...although slowly. I've tried to be a great gf to him. I've tried to be the very best that I can to him. And you know what? He makes me good again. Now. Online. God...I love him! ♥

The one thought on a Friday

2005-12-09T22:14:00.000+08:00

What can I say about today? Well, it's not much a great day actually. I realllyyyy miss him. I am patiently waiting for him to come back. But my patience is running out. Just now, he msgd telling me that his flight got delayed. Aaarrrgghhhh!!! Okk...take a deep breathh...fuhhhh

Know what? There's so much story about breakups...this and that. I am actually scared. Even people who were together for 3-4 years can face breakups. I don't want that...I pray to God to not let us go through that road. I truly love him with all my heart. I've even given my heart to him, something I am very careful in doing.

But...I am scared. Does he misses me while he's there? I wish he misses me as much as I miss him. Will he stay with me for a lifetime? I wish we'll be together even after a lifetime. Does his love for me will ever runs out? No, I want the answer to be 'No'. I cherish this moment, our moment now...but at the same time, I want this moment to last forever. Never-changing the love we have for each other.

I pray to God so that we'll be strong together and we can face the obstacles and hardships that may come in our relationship. I too hope that we can learn from one another - our strengths, our mistakes, our needs etc. And I always pray that in the end, we only need each other and that we'll be together until death do us apart.

Aminnn....

THE CALL

2005-12-08T23:57:00.000+08:00

OH MY GOD! He called! He called! He called! He called! He called! He called! He called! He called! He called! He called! He called! He called! He called! He called! He called! He called! He called! He called! He called! He called!

oh God...sygg, I miss u sooo sooo muchh!!!
I want you here with me...I want to hold you!!!!
I miss you 10 000x!!!!

The Power of L♥ve

2005-12-08T22:04:00.000+08:00

I was reading a blog of a lady who just got married early this year...and had a baby in November. It's fun to read her journey of the first year of marriage. It's kind of entertaining and it motivated me in a way. I learn that when you get married, there is so much that you have to consider. Money and Love is two main factors. Nowadays, one cannot live without money. And without love, no marriage can lasts.

I was reading our chat log dated a day before he goes off to Istanbul. He asked me, whether or not I am ready to be married. Okk, let me rephrase that. It simply meant whether or not I am ready to be his wife? I am ready to be married. But frankly, I don't feel that I am ready to be a wife. You might ask why.

Here's why. I have a LOT to learn. I can't be his wife now because of the obvious fact that we are both studying. Not that I'm saying you cannot be married while studying, you can. Many people are doing that now (because of the cases we have here in M'sia). But we both want to finish our studies first. There is also the problem that I don't know how to cook. I'm good at baking, cooking simple stuff but if you're talking about Chicken Rice, main dishes (lauk-pauk) and rendang, lemak or something like that...I have little idea.

The main thing that makes me un-ready in being a wife is because I'm not good at cooking, keeping the household in one place and things like that. But after I read the blog and had some idea of marriage, I realised that I have to build myself up to reach that state. I want to be someone who is ready to be wed at any time. I want to be someone who can take care of her husband in the best possible way (and that man would me my now bf).

Some of you reading this might think that I am too fast. But I don't think I am. If I want to change, if I want to learn, now is the time. Who knows what age we'll be married? Who knows what age we'll be dead? Who knows what could happen in the near future? I want to be prepared. I want to be prepared for him. I want to be the best for him. Emotionally, mentally, physically, sexually.

Love does have its own power huh? It's changing me!

Incomplete

2005-12-04T20:29:00.000+08:00

When he's not around, my life turned quite different. I become not as cheerful, I don't feel much in tune with the world, my tempers fall a bit short...to sum it up, I am not feeling at the top of anything at all.

My mom has been expressing the no-need-to-go-see-him and stuff. And I don't know exactly what it all meant. She gave me excuses that it's not safe, it's not what us Malay would say, "manis", it's wasting money (when I have totally a different view on it!) and etc. I hate it when she expect him to do all the givings and I do all the takings! This is my life and I deal it on my own. I will only take good advises that comes from her and not let her control the rest. If I want to give some and take some, it is not up to her to worry about.

Just because he has done and given me a lot, it doesn't mean I have to just be the taker in our relationship. Everyone has their own love story. This is mine. I wish she would just be supportive and let me live my life instead on judging and criticising me on everything that I do.

And there is the 'me' issue. I am insecure of myself..not around him but actually around his mother and his sister. Both of them are really nice and her mom treated me almost as if I were her daughter. His mom even said she trusted me with his son! Gosh, that's a big thing! But I am always alert if I said something not quite right to her or do something that she may not like etc etc. I don't want to do that...because as serious as this may sound, I do see her like another mother to me (well, if God allows it, she would be).

Thing is, I need him now. Here. With me. With all these things going on and these thoughts inside my head, he is the only one who can act as a tranquilizer to me. He mellows me. I can't imagine my life without him. I'd be...just not me I guess.

I try...
To go on like I never knew you,
I'm awake...
But my world is half asleep,
I pray...
For these heart to be unbroken,
But without you all I'm going to be is...
INCOMPLETE.

Yes, I would be incomplete. Just like the song. It fits. I need him in my life. Now and forevermore. No, I am not ashamed to admit...that I am in love with him.

Syg...I miss u soo much! Pls come back home soon.....i miss u baddd...my days aren't as bright as when ur around. I forced myself to smile...I forced myself to laugh. Every good thing all seemed shortlived. It's not the same without youu...

-end-

Him

2005-12-02T20:31:00.000+08:00

I love my bf. I love him more than I could ever love any man (not to say I would!) except my father of course...but even that is a respectful love. And so, I truly love my bf. He is the #1 man in my life for now and forever. The one thing that I would regret is if we do not reach the final stage of our relationship.

There's never a moment where I don't ever think of him. Sometimes when I think too much, I got scared. Why? Well, things began popping up in my head. What if the unexpected happened? What if he gets bored of me? What if one of us becomes unfaithful? What if...what if...what if... Too many what ifs. I've cried when I got scared. I never felt the feeling before and I didn't like it. And at that time, I knew that my love for him was of no boundaries.

He taught me things that I never knew. I learnt to love him, my family, others and most importantly, myself. He made me want to be better for him and for myself. He made me want to change and he made me feel pretty (even though I am not). He loves me for me and I love him for who he is and for who I am with him. I took a slow time in learning how to be a great gf to him...and he waited patiently.

He is the one man who can handle me, who knows me inside out, who cares a hell lot for me, who is able to go through the hurt I have given him and still stay with me. He loves me when I could not love myself. He tolerates me in all of my bad times. He offers me his when I need a crying shoulder. He soothes me down when I am at rage or anger. He raises me up when I am not at my best. He tells me I am pretty when I feel like I am not. He takes great care of me when I am not well. God, I never wished for someone better. I love him and only him.

I used to have a hard time in trusting other people…him included. Although he questioned why I can’t easily trust him (long time ago), he did a lot for me. He said he will do/give anything so that I can fully trust him. But then, all I need was for him to prove that he truly love me. That was then. And in the course of our relationship, my bf never stopped believing in me. He believes that I would someday change by my own. He believes that eventually I would know how to behave better and know what is best. He believes that I will become the best of me. =)

I guess the point of why I am writing this is because:

1. I am thinking of him every single second.

2. I am missing him terribly bad!

3. I am appreciating all of what he has done for me

4. I want to keep this as an account of what loving him feels like.

5. I miss him, I miss him, I miss him!!!

6. And, finally, because I am in love with him and will always be!

Friendship

2005-11-18T23:47:00.000+08:00

You know, I never wished I was single again. Because even with all the hard stuff I've gone through, I still like it here where I am. Sometimes I heard people (who are in a r/ship) said that they wishes to be single again...and a friend and I came to a conclusion : These people are feeling not right/depressed in their r/ship to be saying things like that. If you are okay and you feel that your r/ship is working out regardless of the ups and downs, you won't feel like that.

I am not saying this because I have a great r/ship and that it's perfect. Because it's not. Nothing is perfect actually. I have my ups and downs...sometimes over some stupid things. But I have faith in this, I have faith in myself and I have faith in him. Relationship requires a lot of patience, tolerance, gives & takes, understanding, trust, honesty and I guess most of the stuff that you too can think of.

I am not what you say a girl that guys want to be with. Guys will treat me as one of them (of course, not exactly like they treat a guy!). My greatest friends are 99% guys and no, I don't feel any attraction to any of them. So, I respect my bf for trying to understand me (simply because I'm not the easiest person to be understood). I know that it's hard for him to take me as I am and to learn my ways...it's also hard for me to change from who I am before...but we're doing it both. Understanding each other's needs -- him giving me a little freedom to go out with them (because they are my friends since I was so little - "This is Friendship," Arif said.) and I have to create boundaries and limits in going out with them.

Some of the guys that I used to hang out with are not to pleased with the way I am not in the case that I seldom hang out with them anymore (haha...they missed me!). They said some not so great things...but this is actually my choice. I choose to do what I am doing now...I don't want to hang out until late 12 midnight etc and they have to understand that. So far, Arif, Naf, Aji and Crip understands it (figures...since I've been with these guys since primary school). The rest -- some just kept quiet and some, well, as I was telling you before...hmmm... My action? I don't care. If I think what I'm doing now is good, I'll just continue with it.

That's what I really feel now. Just need to get this off my chest. Some of the guys like Arif, Crip, Naf and Aji...I don't mind hanging out with. They're always there for me, don't mind me being just plain Ili...the friend they knew since little, supporting me with good changes, lets me speak my mind out and giving me a piece of their mind after and so much more. Like what Arif said, "Ni lah Friendship!" (which reminds me also of what Ikan once said to me).

Until then, I'll sign off here. Be back with another episode with another title. ;) Hehehehheh. ChOwWWwZZzzaaaAa!!!!

meet the parents

2005-11-11T23:15:00.000+08:00

Gosh I haven't blog for quite some time huh? Well..I've been busy with exams and all. Then after exam, us Muslims had our Raya celebration..which was a blast. Hehheheh. My theme this year is green..but I was the odd one out of the family. Apparently, my family theme was a bit more to reddish,pink kinda color. So...yeah. Big diff there.

Then, I have some eat-in last wednesday. It was actually in the occasion of him coming to my house (as if he hadn't come!). I guess it's like a bit of a special thing...braya thingy. So, we prepared Laksa Johore for them and a bit of this and that eg fruits, cookies...not much actually.

Yesterday, it was my turn to go to his house. Truth is, I was quite nervous because his mom was going to be there. I've been to his house a couple of times but his parents were not around. And yesterday was like...nerve-wrecking thingy!! I was concern about the way I look, the way I dress, the way I speak, in general...the way I present myself.

There are so many questions in my head..is this ok? Does his mother like me or not..? Is this the proper way to act? I'm being myself of course..but I noticed the feeling of shyness that crept into me. Come on...I haven't been in a situation like this! It really is sumthing else! Goshhh!!

And it was a bit of a relief that his mother is sooo nice (it reflects upon his son). His dad too! It shows that they both came from a good family. My mom was kind of surprised at how nice his mother is and that he treats me in a way that no one else does. She asked a lot about him and asked if I behaved well at his house...she should actually ask him rite..?

I am soo glad that my parents approve him....soo happyy!! =D Seriously, I really want them to see him as not like any other guys. He is the one guy that I truly love and of course, you would want your parents to approve someone you love rite...and alhamdulillahh...one burden down (since my parents have given the OK sign). One thing that I have to worry now is...Me. Erk!

And that's it for today. ChOWWwZZzZaAAa!!!

Don't Know Why

2005-10-10T14:07:00.000+08:00

I wrote this in the morning. Dedicated to a special someone ~_^ Hehehhe

I don’t know why,
You won’t keep out of my sight.

I don’t know why,
I can’t push you off my mind.

I don’t know why,
But I just want you by my side.

I don’t know why,
I want you in my arms.

I don’t know why,
There is no one better I can find.

I don’t know why,
But I choose to love only YOU.

Fasting + R/ship Talking

2005-10-08T00:28:00.000+08:00

I am currently at home. Mama wanted me n Dini to coem home...I guess becoz after this, we won't know when will we be back again. I have exam coming up...so it's harder for me. I was quite reluctant to come home because of him. I didn't want to leave him alone...I know how he is when he's alone. So, it's better if I stay. But I have promised to come home...and I couldn't backed out on a promise. I never yet failed fulfilling any promises.

Tomorrow, I maybe going to OU or The Curve. Got stuff to buy...it's a bit costly for me. But I don't want to think much about it because if I do, I won't buy it. It's not that I don't want to sacrifice money or what but I have a life. And my life requires lots of money and I have no loans plus my parents don't give much. Kinda frustrating when you think about money and saving...and I am trying not to think much about it.

I haven't had a real relationship for so long and when I finally find myself in one, I was reminded of the things you face when you're in one. The bitter and sweet of it. The ups and downs. The struggle to keep up. The 'green' feeling. Oh, I am Happy. Really happy in mine. Not to say that I don't encounter all these things...I do. And I'm not saying it's easy...but I am going step by step.

Various people advised me this and that...some are worth looking into, some are not so. Then I realized, everyone has their own love/life story. So, I am creating my own life and love story, how about it? Positive advises are on my list...negative, I'd rather not listen to them.

Anyway, I better go to sleep. Or else I may not wake up in the morning for sahur. It's fasting month for us Muslims. And I'm having exams. So, I'm off. C u anytime...ChOwWWwzZzzaaAaa!!!

Wonderrr

2005-09-29T12:07:00.000+08:00

Discovered something. Mama had been asking my sis about him. Hermm....what's it about I wonder...

It's not bothering me so much...I'm just curious about what are being asked. I know that she's been suspecting all along. Come on...someone sending me back home, me driving someone's car to class, etc...there is every reason for her to be suspicious.

I guess I don't really care of hiding anything anymore. If she were to find out, let her find out by herself. I'm not going to tell. After that, maybe I'll admit hhuhuhuhu.

Today at my university, we had some election going on. You know, the uni politics kinda thing. I just went to vote just now. Done my part already. Fiuh! Truth is, I'm a bit lazy to go to class. Been feeling rather tired these days. Thought that I might be down with something but...maybe not. Well, hopefully not!

Nothing else to say. All I know is, tomorrow will be Cobaltte's birthday. Better not forget to wish him! I'm off now. ChOwWWwzZZzzaAAaaa!!!

just a thought...

2005-09-27T15:04:00.000+08:00

I Miss Him...♥

just a day...

2005-09-27T14:29:00.000+08:00

It's bizarre the way life really is. The way your mood can go up and down in just matter of minutes. It's a continuous wheel, non-stop. I don't know how to explain. Because yesterday, I had an up and down feeling. It came so fast and it goes just as quickly as it came (well, not so. It wanders around quite a while).

I discovered something today. My JAVA exam, which was supposed to be on the 27th, was dragged forward to 16th! Oh my god! I am sooo not ready for it!! I'm gonna be dead! Help me~~~ Anyone knows JAVA? Can teach me an intense course in 2 weeks? Waaa~~~

Gosh..I'm a bit hungry now. But I am toooo lazy to go eat. Besides, I don't wanna eat heavy meals what so ever. I'll be fine if I only eat roti telur or something like that. Hmm...dunkin donut will do too! Hehehhe. Hmm..maybe I should go eat after JAVA class at 5. I'm sure by that time, I'm hungry as hell! If he knows this, I'll be half-dead maybe? Kikikiki.

Anyway, better go. I want 2 study JAVA. Got quiz after this. C ya later. ChOwWwzZzzaaAaa!!

12 Pound Nugget Of Gold

2005-09-22T15:17:00.000+08:00

A Husband and Wife, Both were very happy over the twelve pound baby boy that was born to them. Mr. Brown who could not conceal his delight, called up the editor of a famous newspaper and reported that he became the proud owner of a twelve pound nugget of gold.

The editor upon hearing the seemingly extraordinary news was rather hesitant to accept it at its face value. So he sent his star reporter to interview Mr. Brown.
When the reporter came, Mr. Brown was away and his wife was alone at home. The following interesting conversation took place between the reporter and Mrs. Brown:

Reporter : Does Mr. Brown Live here?
Mrs. Brown : Oh! Yes.

Reporter : Is he in?
Mrs. Brown : Why no, he went somewhere.

Reporter : Is it true that he owns a twelve pound nugget of gold?
Mrs. Brown : (Seeing the joke) Yes, indeed.

Reporter : Can I see the place where he found it?
Mrs. Brown : I am afraid, not because Mr. Brown objects in as much as it is strictly private.

Reporter : Is the place far?
Mrs. Brown : No, it is quite near and convenient.

Reporter : How many years has Mr. Brown been digging the hole?
Mrs. Brown : Just for about ten months.

Reporter : Is the hole deep?
Mrs. Brown : Quite so...

Reporter : Has Mr. Brown reached the bottom of it?
Mrs. Brown : Not yet, but he is coming near...

Reporter : At about what time does Mr. Brown starts digging?
Mrs. Brown : Oh, he does his digging mostly at night.

Reporter : Does he work hard on it?
Mrs. Brown : You bet...........and how he perspires.

Reporter : Is Mr. Brown the first to dig?
Mrs. Brown : He thought he was...

Reporter : How do you know there was someone ahead of him?
Mrs. Brown : I am in a good position to say so, because I own the place.

Reporter : Oh, I see, but you sold the place to Mr. Brown?
Mrs. Brown : No, but for the present, he has the legal title to the site, with my consent.

Reporter : Has Mr. Brown any helper when he works on the claim?
Mrs. Brown : Yes, I work under him...

Reporter : When do you think Mr. Brown will sell the place?
Mrs. Brown : I think not because he enjoys working on it.

Reporter : Can I see the twelve pound nugget of gold?
Mrs. Brown : Yes, certainly (and she showed him the twelve pound baby boy).

P.S.: The reporter had to be taken to the hospital in an ambulance.

ILynn says : Hehehehehe ^_^ (Thanks Naz for the joke!)

Nothing to do eh...

2005-09-20T15:26:00.000+08:00

1. FAVORITE BREAKFAST IS..
:: bread

2. THE MOVIE I'VE WATCHED MOST NUMBER OF...
:: let me see...dunno

3. LEAST FAVORITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL...
:: history

4. SPEND MY LEISURE TIME
:: reading and internet-ing

5. WORST SMELL?
:: vomit? or a dead thing's smell.

6. IF I COULD HAVE ANY CAR IN THE WORLD, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
:: BMW!!

7. FAVORITE HOUSEHOLD CHORE?
:: hmm...fold clothes? heheheh + a bit of cooking when i have the mood (i don't cook much though)

8. WHEN I WAS A KID I DREAMT OF BECOMING A
:: detective of all things!

9. FAVORITE COLOR/s?
:: BLUE, black, purple

10.FAVORITE PERFORMER(S)?
:: I can name a lot...some are like JLo, Xtina etc

11. THREE THINGS I CAN'T FORGET BEFORE GOING TO SCHOOL?
:: handphone, watch and matric card

12. I'D LIKE TO BE REMEMBERED AS....
:: a nice person altthough with many perks. hahaah

13. SPECIALITY IN COOKING?
:: I bake a lot like cakes & cookies. If real cooking...Italian anyone?

14. PRESENT CRUSHES?
:: My bf.

18. FAVORITE HANG-OUT?
:: Mapley hahahah

19. BEST GIFT YOU'VE RECEIVED?
:: Him. =)

20. GIFT THAT YOU WANT TO RECEIVE AS OF THIS MOMENT?
:: Confidential ;)

This is the result when you miss someone

2005-09-16T10:15:00.000+08:00

Just wrote something today. This is it:

Can't stop thinking,
When you're in my mind 24 / 7,
Can't stop missing,
When you're not in my sight,
Can't stop loving,
When ypu're in my heart all the time.

Won't stop thinking,
Because you're the one I care about,
Won't stop missing,
Because your hands are not in mine,
Won't stop loving,
Because all I want most is you.

327 PM; 15 Sept 2005

The Blower's Daughter

2005-09-15T16:36:00.000+08:00

The Blower's Daughter - Damien Rice <-- I really like this song now! =)

And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her skies

I can't take my eyes of you (6x)

And so it is
Just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time
And so it is
The colder water
The blower's daughter
The pupil in denial

I can't take my eyes of you (6x)

Did I say that I love you?
Did I say that I want to
Leave it all behind?

I can't take my mind of you
I can't take my mind of you
I can't take my mind of you
I can't take my mind of you
I can't take my mind of you
I can't take my mind...My mind...my mind...'Till I find somebody new

What's good...

2005-09-13T13:19:00.000+08:00

That's my Baby Taz. =) The one he gave me last Sunday. I was so thrilled and happy getting it. Now at night Taz is always beside me...huhhhuhu. It's sooo cuddly!! Yeaaaa~~~! Love him so much! (But even if he didn't give me Taz, I still love him more right..thehehehhe).

Today, 13 September. Wow...another few hours, and I'll be 20. But truthfully, I already felt 20. Maybe because I've been through much then..and also now. So, I feel like I've been living for so long. Twenty...and already happy with what I have (although the thing that I don't have is wealth. Gotta work first.)

Today, nothing much happen yet. Just went breakfast this morning with him. And he insisted on bringing me somewhere in the occasion of my birthday. Although I said that it's okay, that it's no need to (because what matters to me is being with him, which is more than enough already), but eventually I just agreed. If that's what he really want to do, then okay. Kuturutkan jela sayang...

Tomorrow, luckily no lab. So no 9 am class. But I have to prepare for cognitive exam at 12. And fortunately, objective questions! Fiuh!! No problem, I can do it. =)

Yesterday, after my English class, went out with Fiza to this restorant called Sarina. We just drank and eat fries and of course, our usual girl talk. Man, it's been quite some time since we really spend time together. Then, we went to Warta to buy some stuff and talk some more. Hehehe. Me & Fiza. Back together. (Doesn't that sounds weird? Hahahhahah).

Gotta chow now. So, til next time. ChOwWWwzZZZaAaa!!!

Today, the Heart feels...

2005-09-12T12:56:00.000+08:00

What a weekend! I thought all settled, but still...there's more. I think God wants me to endure all these hardship to make me a better person and to let me know how hard life really is when you have to consider someone else besides you. It's not a negative thing...but it's a learning phase in my life.

I am so touched and also bewildered for the fact that he stays with me although I have hurt him so much. He has done a lot for me and no one has ever been that way to me, ever. I am saddened by the fact that I can't give so much...that I can't give everything that I wish I can give. But I am trying my best to do what I can, to be there for him and not to hurt him in any way. Yes, I know I am human, and I don't know what my mistakes are. Although I try to be perfect for him, there is no way I can be, right? Gosh, why can't I be what he wanted me to be? Okay, okay. Because I am me. Salwa also have told me that I don't have to pretend. Just be me. Gosh, I love him more than I ever loved anyone...

Reality check ILynn! Anyway...today is Mom's birthday. Wished her already...yea! Since being with him, I have been trying to not quarrel with my family. Or maybe it's also the fact that I don't go back home as often anymore (and my money is getting lesser by day). But all in all, I'm glad that there are very less shoutings at home (except from the ever tempered Dini).

Know what? I'm just contented here, now. My heart says that I'll be okay. My head always want to think. But I want my heart to give more and my head to think more of the good stuff. I think I'll just exist here and just live. Til next time...I'm signing out. ChOwWwzzZzZaaaaAa!!

Sticking with what I have...

2005-09-07T09:58:00.000+08:00

In the lab. Lab 9 specifically. With him and Adam here. Of course, they are busy with their own Net stuff anyway. Yesterday, I suddenly felt a bit pissed off. Well, not exactly pissed...in our Malay word, bengang. It's of something that I took rather personally even though it's nothing really. But I guess, I don't want changes. I hope that things would get better though.

This week studies are hectic. Juggling with many stuff. Projects, exams, going out and presentations. I'm pretty beat actually...haven't slept much these past few days. Slept late, woke up early at 5 am. And today, Salwa and I decided to fast. It's Syaaban and it's good to fast. =)

Wow...this lab is cold! I'm going to freeze in here..brrrr~ I don't really know what to write. I guess I haven't write in a while. Busy, busy, busy. Plus the fact that I'm always in UKM and not at home. However, I'm going back this Friday. Yippeee! Mom has been asking if I would come back this weekend. I know why ;) hehehe it's birthday weekend!

Oh, two days ago I met Ina, my cousin, who came by KPTM because she had to do some lab work. Brought him with me. And it was a good meet-up. Much sakat-ing from him (the usual). But whatever he does, he is still the best guy ever! =D ~~Wish that my family would see how happy I am with him. But...it'll have to wait.~~ Hehehe. That's a bit soon. Actually, I am happy but there's always stuff that threatens and I don't like that. My feelings won't change but I don't like the way the environment and our consciences changing our relationship.

Oookay ILynn. That's enough. You're thinking too much (Am I?). Anyway, I better go. Got studies to concentrate on. All in all, I have to be strong and believe in us and my own life.
Right now, I'll stick by with what I have. =)

Before I'm off...

2005-08-28T12:12:00.000+08:00

Just a quick post before I shut this PC.

This is what's on my mind:

Him - I soo miss him (although I only haven't seen him for a day).
I need to go study for real
I need to pack-up.
Is he up yet? It's already 12 noon.
What should I bring back to UKM?
The clock's ticking and I haven't really study.
Maybe I should go back at 3 o'clock.
I can't seem to stop thinking of him.
CSI on TV and I'm tempted.
I miss him.

It's time for me to go. Or else, I won't ever shut this PC. So, til the next post. ChOwWwzzzZAaa!!

The Investigator

2005-08-27T23:46:00.000+08:00

Like I said before, "Love is such a beautiful thing but also complicated." But even though complicated as it is, it doesn't stop me from embracing it. Love is really a beautiful feeling...so cherish it while it's there. And for me, not only while it's there because I hope that this love I have now will be here with me forever. So, I will keep it for the rest of my life. =)

Things have been great now...and I'm grateful for it. I guess the only problem is studies. Everything is going on a fast scale and I really hope that I could catch what I left behind. I'm having exam on Monday and there are 2 papers that I have to kill. I'll go study after this...

Oh yeah, at home right now...my cousin is here, Yaya. Many things happened. Found out that Mama is investigating my personal life, in specific, my love life. Dear Yaya told me that Mama asked her many questions about us girls and whether we have boyfriends or not. As I suspected, Mama is on my trail. But not in a bad way, alhamdulillahh...

Although I am on Cloud 9, my feet is still on the ground. I feel the reality and I know that no life and relationship goes as smooth as the flowing river. I hope that I am prepared for whatever comes and be strong to face it. I met his sister and had a chat with her. It surprised me of how easy it is for me to get along with her, although not a lot. But yeah, I don't feel awkward at all with her. It's fun to talk with her seriously. =)

Hm, actually there's more to talk about. But I'll keep that for the next post ok? For now, ChOwWzZAaA!!

Dental Emergency

2005-08-21T16:16:00.000+08:00

Dear whoever,

I'm feeling on top of the world! (as of right now..).

So, that is how I'm feeling. Feels like telling just anybody that I am happy just where I am (all probs exempted). Huhuhuhu...life must have problems right?

Anyway, I'm at home. Did not plan to go home actually coz busy with Theatre but got emergency that forced me to do that. Had dental problem...hated it. Suddenly I have to do some pasting for my front tooth. The hole looks pretty scary...haha. And unfortunately for me, no dentist is opened on Sunday. Shoot! So tomorrow have to do it myself at Bangi.

I'm going back to UKM in about few minutes...after I have my Zohor prayers. And talking bout that, I'm late to do it. Already 4++pm. So, I better go. See you in the next post. ChOwWwzZZAaAaa!!!

For the sake of writing

2005-08-17T13:59:00.000+08:00

Sepenuhnya aku...ingin memelukmu...mendekap penuh harapan...tuk mencintaimu...

Haha...that song has been on my head most of the time. Love that song!

Right now, I'm in the lab. Doing assignment - English. I am thinking of changing website for my web presentation. Initially I took the Xtion Paintball website but found it difficult to let it load on the fac's computer. So, now I decided to switch to F1 website. I have a mock presentation next week, so I got to prepare a little bit for it.

Life, has been interesting so far. Few emotional problems with Theatre group, KTR. Not too many probs with him...haha. Actually, we're pretty comfortable with our relationship. ♥ Hehehhe. Love him so.

Studies...I would say has its ups and downs. I missed class for a week because of bad fever. And unluckily enough, it was assignment week. Most of classes conducted were given assignments. But fortunately for me, my groups managed it for me. And I, of course, apologized to them for my absence. Now, I am trying to cover back what I missed...hopefully can do.

Nothing else to write actually. Just merely writing for the sake of writing? Ahahahahah =P
Hmmm...which F1 website should I take? Okk..ChOwWwZzZZzaaaAAaa!!

Now Playing : Menanti Sebuah Jawaban - Padi
Next Up : Pudar - Rossa

p/s: I have netball match today! Wish me luck k!

Perfect Password

2005-08-16T15:14:00.000+08:00

A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, told him that he would now need to enter a password.. Something he will use to log on.The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect tobring this to his wife's attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in

P...
E...
N...
I...
S...

His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:
***PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH***

p/s: Got this from Naz YowWzZa! Hahahahha

Menanti Sebuah Jawapan...

2005-08-15T11:49:00.000+08:00

Aku tak bisa luluhkan hatimu,
Dan aku tak bisa menyentuh cintamu,
Seiring hujan kakiku bergetar,
Aku telah terpaut oleh cintamu,
Menyelusup hariku dengan harapan,
Namun kau masih terdiam membisu.

Sepenuhnya aku ingin memelukmu,
Mendekap penuh harapan,
Tuk mencintaimu,
Setulusnya aku akan terus menunggu,
Menanti sebuah jawapan,
Tuk memilikimu

Betapa pilunya rindu menusuk jiwaku,
Semoga kau tahu isi hatiku,
Dan seiring waktu yang terus berputar,
Aku masih terhanyut dalam mimpiku.

Sepenuhnya aku ingin memelukmu,
Mendekap penuh harapan,
Tuk mencintaimu,
Setulusnya aku akan terus menunggu,
Menanti sebuah jawapan,
Tuk memilikimu.

Aku tak bisa luluhkan hatimu,
Dan aku tak bisa menyentuh cintamu...

Skipping class...

2005-08-15T11:43:00.000+08:00

Been quite a while since I wrote. Many, many things have happened. Also many ups and downs but thankfully I got through it. Realized that being open and honest with people paid off. I'm ok now...so far. I have great friends that supports me...even if some other people always laugh us off. But unfortunately, their lives are not as great as mine right now. Couple of them has crisis with their own respective partners. And I, as the ears to their probs, felt bothered a bit because I don't want him to do the same to me. I know that it hurts because I've been through a relationship where my then bf did not even bother to contact me even though he said he loved me and all. And I also felt worse things than that in my past relationships.

I really do pity my friends who are having relationship problems now. We girls always say that guys are hard to understand but then, I know that guys also feel the same way. In conclusion, both guys and girls are complicated. I won't say that my life right now is perfect in every way. I do have my shares of probs but luckily, I am able to get through it. I've been through worse than any of the stuff that has bothered me now.

Anyway, I got to go after this. I am skipping JAVA class...with Dudu. I am trying to be there for my friends when they are in need. So, before I log off, I will post another one with lyrics of the song that I really like right now. Hehe. ChOwWzZzaAaAAaa!!

Hati Perempuan

2005-07-26T15:02:00.000+08:00

Got inspired in the morning (while in the shower) and wrote this in my mind. It may be because of my now lovely life and because of Salwa's story of her bf. A bit cheesy here but I hope you can bear it with me k. Just comment if you must. Thanks! =)

Hati perempuan senang bergolak,
Perlu sentiasa diberitahu bahawa dia disayangi.
Hati perempuan sentiasa mencari yang terbaik,
Kerna dia hanya mahu cinta yang terbaik untuk dirinya.
Hati perempuan mudah berasa kecil,
Kerna dia sering menganggap dirinya tak setanding yang lain.
Hati perempuan sering tertanya,
Kerna dia tidak mahu diperbodohkan.
Hati perempuan selalu menguji,
Kerna mahu mengetahui tahap kesetiaannya.
Hati perempuan adalah rapuh,
Kerna takut andai ditinggalkan.
Hati perempuan boleh berubah-ubah,
Dia bisa berfikir dua kali.
Hati perempuan mudah ragu,
Tidak yakin ada yang menyintai ke akhir hayatnya.
Hati perempuan sentiasa menginginkan,
Kasih dan sayang dari yang tersayang.
Hati perempuan hanya mahukan,
Dirinya dihargai dengan layanan yang setulusnya.
Hati perempuan cuma mengharapkan,
Satu Cinta yang bahagia hanya untuk dirinya seumur hidup.

Dini and UIA

2005-07-25T13:15:00.000+08:00

Back in UKM. At the lab now. Waiting to go to English. Anyway, my sister got into UIA. Haha...she's never been away from home. Moreover, it's UIA!! Knowing her, I know she's down about the whole thing. She dreamt of going to private college taking mass comm or sumthing related. But yeah, yesterday me and my parents sent her there (I have to carry the big heavy bag for her!).

And also I found out another thing. Sadly, she broke up with Hafiz. Man, I really liked the guy. He's nice to me at least even though a bit 'skema' and very the good innocent (not really) kinda person. Anyhow, I did expect this to happen sooner or later coz Nor has been telling me a little about her probs with Hafiz. Oh...and secretly, if she ended up with Hanif (her best guy friend), I will not be surprised either. Why? Haha...Hanif used to have a big crush on her and now, looking at the fact that she's soo close to him (in terms of friendship), anything can happen. As for my opinion, I don't object. =) Hanif is a fine guy too. In fact, I used to encourage her to give that guy a chance (she did not though).

So, that's about it. Nothing much been going on in my part of life (haha as if!). =P Nah...not telling it now. Maybe later if I feel generous to blab about my pretty great life now. Hehehe. I got to go now. Forgot that I haven't done my English exercise. See you next time. ChOwWwWzZzZaAAaa!!!

The Gesture

2005-07-24T00:33:00.000+08:00

I got back from UKM yesterday. He sent me home. =) But that is not why I'm writing. It is because of his gesture. Coincidencely, when he was about to gerak from my house, Mama got back from fetching my last sis at tuition. I saw his car was about to stop but I thought none of it and just went into the house straight away. But the truth is, he wanted to stop and just kind of introduced himself to Mama.

When I knew that, it made me feel flattered + shocked because none of my other guy friends ever did that. It proved that he is definitely different and okay, to me, something special. =) Mama asked about him after that but I did not elaborate much. Only today I told her that about his intention to stop his car, meet her and all. And guess what? She liked the fact that he's like that! She said it was a really nice gesture from a friend of mine and compared that to my other guy friends' action if they were given the same situation. I think she kind of suspected or something...but just kept quiet and did not ask THE question (but it's not like I am hiding the truth...we're not a couple or anything).

It did not stop there though. She asked who else was in the car when we went out in the day. I sneakily skipped that one. Hehehe. I'm quite good at changing topic I guess. = P However, although I'm in the clouds with these feelings going on in me, I have to remind myself of the real fact. I have no rights to just go out and say things as if he is my own. Because he is not.

It does not matter if I get jealous (although so far there is only one time) or if I just want him with me...because in the end, I have to realize that we're like this now. Not that I am complaining much (I don't deny that my mind sometimes wonder) because people always say, "If you're meant to be, you will be." Anyhow, I will just be here now. Cherishing the moment that I have. I am happy as for now, and pray to God I'll be happy for future to come. =)

Kk..I think that's too much for this post. I'll be off. See ya friends! ChOwWwZZzaaAaa!!

Why football is played for 45 minutes?

2005-07-15T21:26:00.000+08:00

Haha...interesting (and cheeky) theory. Have a good laugh at this boys n girls!

This is a damn good joke.

Why football is played for 45 minutes?
Those who thought of this must have lots of time
Why people play football for 45 minutes, not 30 minutes or 1 hour?
Even the sports scientist and some of the senior players could not give the right answer.
In that confusing situation one person came up with a reasonable answer.

He said......."The reason people play this game for
45 minutes is...
There are 2 teams and there are 11 players in each team.
Each player brings his own '2 balls'
So in total there are 44 balls.
There is one ball on the ground itself. Thus the grand total is 45!"

Question Answered !!!
sometimes there is extra time of 2 mins which is the referee's balls! It's a joke!

When a Guy...

2005-07-15T21:23:00.000+08:00

Got this from Friendster. Shu posted it on the bulletin. So here it is:

When a GUY is quiet and is alone,
He's is thinking how good you are..

When a GUY is lying on his bed,
He is thinking deeply why he loves you.

When a GUY looks at you in your eyes,
He wants to tell you how much he loves you and how important you are.

When a GUY answers "I'm Fine" after a while,
He is not and feels hurts.

When a GUY keep asking you the same question,
He is wondering why you are lying.

When a GUY hugs you while sleeping,
He is wishing that you belongs to him forever.

When a GUY calls you everyday,
He Misses You and wants your attention.

When a GUY wants to see you everyday,
He cares for you and want to know how are you today.

When a GUY sms's u everyday,
He wants you to know he is fine.

When a GUY says "I love you",
He really means it.

When a GUY says that he can't live without you,
He has made up his mind that you are his future wife.

When a GUY says "I Miss You",
He wants to see you immediately.

Souvenirs

2005-07-12T23:52:00.000+08:00

At home now. Tomorrow going to move in into my room at AMIN. So, early morning have to carry my bag of clothes there. Oh well, have to.

My mood, good now. I had an hour of sleep in my room before going back home. He sent me and gave me the souvenirs that he bought while he was outstationing. I kept my promise and only looked at the stuff at home. Baik kan me..? heheheh. Well, got back home and Mama was kind of waiting for me. Then only I looked at what he gave me, with my Mom by my side; asking who gave and all. Haha..only said, "Kawan Yana bagi, blablabla," and that is about it.

I absolutely loved the Kangaroo and the Guitar! Kangaroo - cute! A bit like a squirrel hehe. Guitar - I just squealed when I saw it. =D Both are already glued to my school bag (I like to make full use of things that people give me). And also, there's this kind of crystal thing (similar) and a nice looking girl statue. =) Those are already in my room. Hehe. Much thanks to him! ♥

Guess that's it for now. Til tomorrow maybe if I have the time to go online at lab. ChOwWwzZzZaaAaa!!

2nd Day back at Uni

2005-07-12T11:24:00.000+08:00

Right about now, I'm in the lab at my fac. Not feeling too perky or anything. Can't explain what I'm feeling but definitely something I don't like. Plus the fact that I am bored. Got about 45 mins to next class.

Oh, great (but not so great) news. I got into AMIN. Yeah, the first day I went there to appeal, I got it there and then. But there is one problem for me. Morning classes and bus system. It's not going to be convenient for me and I'm sure I will be late for classes if I take the bus. So..I'm just wondering and surviving for the meantime. Wait until Haikal got his motorbike and then, every morning, I'll probably go to classes with him. Well, we set it up already. Yeah! Thanks a lot to Haikal (just have to make sure he go to classes)!

Hmm..classes. So far, still surviving. And my friend at my side is looking at his profile...I'm just keeping quiet. Who cares right? As long as she doesn't know who. Because she claimed earlier just now that she suspected something and said she may know who and stuff. Gladly, it looks now that she had no clue. Well, she's always out to know what's going on with my life anyway. Used to it.

Going back home at about 4 pm. That's it for now. Still feeling bored and not so up in the mood. So then, I'm off. ChOwWWwwZzzZaAaaa!!

Not chatting....

2005-07-10T00:39:00.000+08:00

Well, it's already 12 midnight. I'm not chatting with him. We're getting ready to enter uni. He's probably packing. And me, going to write appeal letter after this. I have to be ready with a few letters. Tomorrow, going to Kolej AMIN to appeal. Monday, to Kausar. And maybe Burhan. We'll see how it goes. I'm also praying that I get Dato' Onn. Appealed there before went off holiday.

As about now, apart from all these 'rayuan' stuff and registration subjects on Monday, I am just thinking of him (isn't there a day that I don't think of him now?). I may not say it often or say it to him just now, but I do miss him. Even while doing some work like just now - recovering the house computer from a hell of bad spywares and fixing a tall lamp - he's on my mind. Crazy am I?

It's not like I haven't tried shutting it off, but I found that it was of no use. I knew already that I'm stuck here. And I am actually enjoying this. Now just enjoying, but drawn into. Everyday...there seems to be more reasons for me to stay, for me to love. It is a new journey...new things to explore, interesting stuff may appear, obstacle may come, clean and bumpy paths waiting ahead...and I am all prepared. =)

And this is ILynn reporting from home. Hehe. Til next time. ChOwWWwZZzAaAaa!!

Current fave : Segudang Cinta - Ada Band
Playing now : Sesuatu Yang Indah - Padi Cover (dunno who sang)
Next up : To Be With You - Mr. Big
Mood : Miss him...

If A Girl...

2005-07-09T23:57:00.000+08:00

Someone posted this at the Friendster's Bulletin and I just copy and paste. Haha..just for fun. Something for girls to see and learn from it. Something for guys to wonder about it and relate.

If ur girl is willing to be with through all
pain n problems it means she really loves u n she
is willing to endure all the pain u face....would u
wanna let go of ur girl...the only one who loves u
truly?

If ur girl is happy for u no matter what ur
happy about its means that she willing to share ur
joy n happiness even if at that moment she is goin
through pain....would u wanna let go of ur
girl....the only one who truly loves u?

If ur girl tells u that she loves the way u
hold,touch n embrace her it means that
she is letting u noe that ur special to her n that
she loves everything about u.....would u
wanna let go of ur girl...the only one who loves u?

If ur girl always says that ur better than her
in all field it means that she always wans to b
number two after u n she always wans u there to
guide her through her life n most importantly she
respects u....would u wanna let go of ur girl....the
only one who loves u?

If ur girl never gives up n always waits for u
patiently no matter how long it takes for u
to come back to her it means that she never
wanna b without u n ur the only one in her heart n
the one she truly loves......would u wanna let go of
ur girl....the only one who loves u?

If ur girl never asks u why u never say 'i
love u' to her as often as she does it means that
she's trying her best to understand ur situation n
she doesnt wanna u to get sick of her
complaning.it means she really loves u n
she's so damn understanding....would u wanna let
go of ur girl...the only one who loves u?

If ur girl never rushes u into a relationship
even after u confess ur feelings to her just bcoz
u told her to wait for u till ur work is done it
means dat she is willing to wait for u for the
rest of her life just to hear the word 'yes i wanna
b with u' bcoz she loves only u n she's willing to
sacrifice it....would u wanna let go of ur girl...the
only one who loves u?

If ur girl cries for u just bcoz she misses u
it means that she always wants to be wit u n
she only feels secure when she's wit u....would u
wanna let go of ur girl....the only one who loves u?

there is a lot that a girl would do for a guy
she loves but sometimes guys just dun seem 2
understand that.

When Things Are Just The Way You Like It...

2005-07-06T22:22:00.000+08:00

Finally! Went out today. Yeahh! =D But nowhere too far. Just OU. With who? Hehehehhehe. With him. Yeap. *smiles* He came all the way from his place to mine and that has already made me feel...hmm...something else. ;)

Anyway, went watching movie, Batman Begins. Comments? Haha..it was a good movie. But with many poyo macho elements in it ahahahhaha. Many explosions scenes in the movie and the real actions were nearly at the last part. I found the bat tank to be very nice for a starter. It has good stuff that comes with it although it's very big and detectable. But nonetheless, enjoyed the movie (even though the aircond was soo soo cold!!). Nothing much after that at OU. Just bersiar-siar around OU, window shopping, talk and laugh a lot. Hahahahaha!

I bought a cap! With Tazmania imprinted on it. It's sooo cute! I've been wearing a headgear (cap/hat/bandana) quite often and decided that it's time for me to get a proper cap. And I did today. New guitar picks for me today since I kept losing it. The guys always borrow and misplaced it. Oh well...

So..I guess that's a short account of today. Hehehe. My mood? One of the best ;) I'm a bit tired...but it's alll good! Oh yeah...news about hostel thingy. My friend told me I can stay at her room while I'm appealing if I want to. But I said to her that I may be staying with her 2 days a week. But if I feel leceh to ulang-alik, I'll consider in staying there first.

So that's it. ChOwWWzZzzzAaAaa!!!

Boredom...

2005-07-06T01:50:00.000+08:00

I'm at home. This is the last week of my long looong holiday. And boredom is starting to get me. Seriously, I am so bored at home. All I do is online, watch TV, eat/drink, online again, watch TV again...etc etc. Typical routine day huh?

At times, if I'm lucky enough, the guys call up to hang out. But since now is the time everybody head back to studying, lepaking has become rare. Except for weekends I guess. Even if we hang out at mamak in the evening, there's not much to talk about. Just enjoy big laughs together.

I'm prepared to go through a week to and fro from house to classes. Naf and Crip will be the ones helping me out in sending to komuter and taking me back from there. Except I may have to stay two nights at UKM. Maybe I'll ask Shidot if she's willing to have me over for two nights a week. Hopefully can.

Okk, actually I'm pretty sleepy. Gotta dash off. ChOwWwZZzaaAAaa!!

Life-less Sunday

2005-07-03T17:12:00.000+08:00

What a boring Sunday! Staying home and doing practically nothing (except bit of TV watching and onlining). Suggested to Abah to go to Low Yat and he told me he had work to do. Now is already 5 pm and I don't see him going anywhere at all! He's watching TV and sleeping! I'm not pissed or anything but I am just sooo boreddd...! =(

Plus the fact that I am missing him a lot...and yeah, obviously staying home is not helping in lessening that feeling. Nor is also feeling very very bored. Maybe we can both lure Abah to go to Dunkin Donut after this? Hmm...not a bad idea. We'll just say that we're really really bored and feels like we have no life (that's a bit over huh? Haha)...and we want to go out. Even if bringing us for a ride around Damansara and Penchala is enough already. We need outside air!

Okk...let's go with the plan...hahahahha. I'll update with the resukts ;) ChOwWWzzzZzZZAAAaAaa!!!

I Find It Hard 2 Say...But...

2005-07-03T00:57:00.000+08:00

Been surfing a lot and doing nothing a lot too. =P The guys invited me to joined futsal but because they are going at midnight, I simply refused. Wanted to go online actually. Besides, I don't really have the mood to go out late because I planned to go to Low Yat tomorrow.

Anyway, we had our school's reunion at Ayob's house which is okay, fun I guess. Watched AF concert while I was there. I like Yazer no matter what. And Marsha had replaced that empty spot in me since Idayu's departure. But I still like Idayu ok. She has talent! Oh..two were out. Amy (finally!) and Reza.

These days, not to say things are different but there is just that 'sparkle' that live in me. I actually don't have guts to tell all this and I always keep stuff inside me. I get embarrased when I feel something more. I don't know why. But after I had quite a talk with Fiz (at the reunion), I realized it's a small thing. Just go with the flow. Be bold but in a moderate kind of way. So, the real deal is...I'm thinking a lot about someone..and missing him a lot for that matter now.

Funny ain't it? I rarely say that openly. Missing him...WOW. But as of right now, let's not care about it. Reminder : Don't think too much. Go with the flow. If in the end, it's not going +ve, I will have to accept although I admit, I think I will be disappointed and probably hurt. I have to try to be open. All that I'm facing and will be facing are all things to be learnt in the future.

Ermm...I guess that's it for now. Dunno else what I should say. Can I go now? ChOwWWwzZZzaaAAaa!!

Idea-less Day

2005-07-01T17:46:00.000+08:00

Today was just a typical at home. It's quite boring you see. Well, like usual, chatting is the activity and doing some otehr stuff but I guess went you chat a lot, eventually you'll come to a point where you don't know what else to talk about. But I guess some silences are no harm. Sometimes, silence is good. Not silence treatment though.

Tonight, going to watch Unleashed. The guys practically wanted me to go although it all seemd poyo. Haha..come on..you can't expect me to believe that they won't go just because I'm not watching rite? I know better hehehe. But then, I also know it's just their bait to get me to watch. Oh well, since I'm a niceee person *cough, cough* I'll go watch the movie.

Had this whole new thing..but maybe that's just for me to know. Not for you to find out ;) What else? Just got my cheque yesterday. Haven't cashed it yet. Maybe tomorrow or Monday. Mom is nagging again. This time about getting college thingy. I told her that I did not secure one..and now only she had the nerves to nag me. She should have done that earlier.

Uhh..okk2. I'm soo blank. Wanted to go jogging..but soo lazy. Duno what else to do...dunno what else to talk about..hmm....guess I'm out now. ChOwWwzzzZaAAaaa!!

Beneath the Cheerfulness...

2005-06-30T10:45:00.000+08:00

I am having this whole concious thing again. I keep worrying bout what others think about me and my doings. Cobaltte advised me to just relax and be cool. He said the guys won't mind anything and that I have forgotten my own words, "Brotherhood!". That kind of relaxed me a bit. Then, Dena even reminded me for how many hundredth times to not think so much. Okay2...relax Ily...

Anyway, this week is pretty hectic I must say. Beneath all my cheerfulness, there has been quite some conflicts. And with mom being difficult at home, it's not helping. Thankfully, I have my happy factors. =D And with this not getting hostel thing is also bothering me. It's going to be really tiring for me going to and fro from classes and my house, which is 45 minutes apart! Just my luck huh? Nvm, I am appealing..so hopefully I can get a place either at Kausar or Dato' Onn. Insyallahh...

Hmm...mane Abah ni..? I am off to OU. I want to see Dena. She's a bit not well...in a way that she's not seeing anyone else except her family and me. She has her own story to tell and it's time for me to lend her a listening ear. Oh and Dena has been saying that right now I'm .......... (oops, not telling!) though I don't know whether that's true or not. She insisted that sometimes other people can see it but not me. So, as about now, I am not saying anything because I don't know (am I just so blur or wut..?).

Okayy...I think I should off this now. Dunno what else to do. Website is about 75% finished. I'll keep building until finish and tell you guys when it's done. =) ChOwWwzZZzZaaAaAa!!!

Now Playing : Semusim - Marcell
Next up : Rindu Padanya - Azharina

HaPPy Factor

2005-06-29T01:42:00.000+08:00

Mood & feeling :

When you smile. =)

Occupied & Energised

2005-06-26T10:53:00.000+08:00

I have been really occupied these few days. Out and about. Mainly in the day. I try to stay home at night because of my mom's babbles. Man, her mouth seems to have a life of it's own. But all it does is criticises, babbles and scolds all day long. Before she went to Mekah, she has a quite short temper but since she was back from the Holy Land, it seems that her temper was even more short. Probably triple than before. And she has been very very sensitive. Ugh!

For two days, I had very little sleep. But enough for my body to take it. 3 hours of sleep a day. Cobaltte was surprised that I have so much energy even with that kind of sleep. But I do. Yesterday, I baked a cake because I was simply craving for one. Then went out to meeting. Back home, I did more work. And today's plan : Out after Zohor for meeting and more meeting at 6pm.

I have been working on my website. Yes, I have one. I had neglected it but when Farid found it, I was shocked it still existed. So thanks to him, I'm doing a total make-over on the website. The design is pretty girlish, does not potray a brutal side of me. But I liked it. You can visit it here, it is still in construction though : www.bluevirgo14.tripod.com

Now, in TTDIonWHEELS there is some stir going on inside. Guys do have a big ego yah. A member of the club feels threaten by other members, because we have been business-minded lately and have always been together discussing. He feels left behind I guess, but maintains his ego. Oh well, we decided now that friendship remains friendship. Other stuff, will have to stay outside of the club for the meantime. (waiting for money to roll in)

Last night, Cobaltte was expressing his thoughts on long distance relationship. Which caught my attention. He told me lots. Like how it's not about meeting up, hanging up or anything. That you have to be open and mature about this kind of thing. There are many mind-openers that he gave me. Maybe in some other time, I will share it here.

Okay, I'm off to working on stuff again. Til next post. ChOwwWwzzZZzaAAaaa!!!

p/s: Such a great feeling when he understands you well. =)

AF3 - Pengundi yang tak bijak

2005-06-25T22:59:00.000+08:00

I am sooo UPSET! Why? I can't believe that Idayu was out! It was like Rosma's episode. Idayu was the best among the students and other voters was just blind to see that. Or are they just looking for pretty nice figure singer? This is just absurd. I was sooo close to not watching AF again, but I have to support another person, Yazer. And if he's out, no way I am gonna watch AF3 again. This is not fair. Truly unfair.

I was rooting for Idayu, Yazer and Marsha to be in the finals. Look what happened. Voters throw Idayu out! Oh, and if you guys were wondering whether I voted for my faves (Idayu and Yazer), no more questioning. I voted okay! Alright2...don't talk to me. I have no mood at all.

Denganmu...

2005-06-24T09:03:00.000+08:00

Dengan Atau Tanpamu

Tika ku disentuh cinta

Cinta melirikan lara

Gerah kerinduan sendiri tanpamu

Kadang mengusutkan jiwaku

Namun aku tetap tegar jua

Lalu ku tempuhi semuanya

Cinta luhur digelap menjadi cahaya

Dengan mu hidup lebih bermakna

Keyakinan mu pun semakin bertambah

Semakin mudah kaki mengatur langkah

Rasa tepatnya hidup bersama dengan mu

Sebelum terjatuh sakit yang tak tertanggung

Atau kemungkinan langit esok mendung

Dibawah langit yang terbuka
Ku mohon rahmat Tuhan yang Esa

Kalau di takdirkan aku harus berhadapan

Berakhirnya suatu ikatan

Akan aku relakan

Pedih perpisahan
Nyawa berpisah dari badan

Kalau ditakdirkan berakhir dipertengahan

Suratan sebuah percintaan
Sanggup aku menahan

Pedih perpisahan
Walau menghiris perasaan

Sakitnya biar aku rasakan

Brother-Sister-Hood & Relationship? Hmm...

2005-06-23T11:26:00.000+08:00

Had few conversations with some of the guys. Suddenly, it came to the point of me and this whole relationship stuff. They were asking me if I am really single or in waiting etc etc. And I, could not answer. In the situation I'm in right now, honestly, I know something of it but at the same time, I seemed to know nothing. Pretty upside down huh? I cannot pinpoint the exact word of it all. Actually, I am afraid to take a risk. It's like I'm on an unstable equilibrium and trying hard to get it balanced. I am standing still on it and afraid to move. And the things in my head. Sometimes I worry, sometimes I feel just right, sometimes I'm confused and sometimes it's all good. But to think of it, I don't have any trouble in where I am now. I'm okay with this, like this. =)

Oh, the bizarre thing is, they are trying to matchmake me with one of our gang. Huh? What the --? They know that I don't think any more of the gang except as brothers. Even Adlil said yesterday, "Brotherhood yeah! Oh..and sisterhood! Yg sorg nih jela..ahahahha." But at the same time, they are fully aware when there is a certain someone in my life. The great thing is, despite their usual teasings and bullying their 'sister', they want to see me happy. As long as the person I'm with (whoever la) treats me well and they know I am truly contented, they'll be happy. These are the perfect friends, the perfect brothers. I won't ask for more because I am already grateful for what I already have with them now. I just thank God because he sent me these guys in all my good and bad times.

So, that's just a short account for today. Gotta go cook lunch. Man! See you guys later...ChOwWwzZzzaaAaa!!

p/s: Do you think they were just bullying me with the matchmaking thing? Hmm..they'll get it from me! ;) Hehe..

AF 3rd Concert

2005-06-22T16:06:00.000+08:00

Watched AF repeat just now. It was quite exciting because my favourite students, Yazer and Idayu really hit it! And I still stand on saying that Marsha is just soo sexy. Plus I liked the song that she sang and she was just really really pretty. Idayu was perfect so is Yazer. I like them both!

I have their songs downloaded in my PC already. Yeah! HEhehehhe. Curiga and Suatu Masa sang by Idayu and Yazer, originally from Ning Baizura and M. Nasir. Err...actually I don't know what to write. I'm in the process of collecting Rm2000. I know, that's a LOT. Think Ily..Usaha! Okk, it will definitely take time for me to get that money. Man, how? I have to think. (Ily, you're always thinking.)

Okk..time for me to go. ChOwWwzZzzZzAaaAaa!!!

Long Live!!

2005-06-21T14:02:00.000+08:00

There was nothing much. Just that I've been thinking a lot. This and that. Some stuff that's bothering, some are just worth thinking about... I've got less than a month til I enter uni again. Oh man! The continuing struggle.

Today, KTR appeared in Berita Harian. KTR = Kelab Teater Rimba. Yes, I'm active in theatre. Khalid Salleh commented about our performance at Shah Alam Museum, a piece called 'Perkahwinan'. Despite the comments, we at KTR will take those as words of wisdom and learn through it. But creative ideas from young teaterawan will not stop. We will continue with our effort, work and journey. Long live KTR!

And I have update ToW's blog. Yes, we had fun with the sun and all ;) hehe. I have also posted some pictures at the blog. All in all, we had 200++ pix (WOW) but of course, not all will be displayed. Just enjoy what is there yah! Mama is starting to dissaprove me with the guys, but she can't do that. ToW is my family. They're my brothers and some of us even vowed that we will maintain our family and as one member said, "Susah sama susah". Long live TTDIonWHEELS!

>> TTDIonWHEELS blog site

Okk, I'll be off now. See you guys later...ChOwWwzzZZzZAaAaa!!!

I'm back & last night's F1 a bummer!

2005-06-20T00:24:00.000+08:00

I'm back! It was such a great weekend! Man, really it was. PD was hot but with the guys with me, I felt loose. No probs in my head at all...except that I was always thinking of him. Even now, I felt the urge of messaging him but maybe a little later, I'll just miss call. Hehe.

The pix are already in my HD. So far, I've got 115 pictures. They'll be more, I tell you. Swen, Hisyam and Amin haven't send me theirs. I was the cameragirl, as usual, so there won't be much pix of me (bummer!). But someone had to sacrifice to take pictures rite? Anyway, we arrived at about 4++pm and stayed at Aji's grandfather's house at the Saujana area. We also went to the Saujana Beach and had a real blast.

Bbq in the night and the guys had shisha afterwards (courtesy of Amin) with ghost stories...heheheh. I don't have much to tell now. My mind's kinda empty...maybe because I'm just missing........? ;)

Oh yeah...last night's F1 suck! 6 cars ended up racing. Cars using Michelin tyres were advised to pull into the pit as a sign of protest over the unsafe track. For more info, here are the stories :

>> US race boycott set 'to harm F1'
>> Only six cars start U.S. Grand Prix
>> 14 cars boycott U.S. GP over tires

Gotta go now. Pretty tired I guess. But I wanna go watch AF now. I'll be back later. ;) Bye. ChOwWzZZaaAaaa!!

Away

2005-06-18T02:55:00.000+08:00

Yes, I'm heading to my Getaway! I want away from this house...and I thought maybe if I am out this weekend, it'll be good for me. So, I will be outta the house about 830 am. This would be great, I hope so. I pray to God to give me strengths while I'm off, so that I can calm my mind and search for the right solution.

Besides, I am not the only one who will be away. He will also be away, and the best part is, to Langkawi! Gosh, how I wish could trade places with him. I mean, chocs n stuff there are cheap! Ferrero Rocher (30 pieces) is only RM19! Imagine that!

Anyway, I am off to find piece of mind. See you guys on Sunday or Monday? Yeah...that's from me. ChOwWWZzzZaaAaa!!!

scared of .........

2005-06-16T16:24:00.000+08:00

I am scared. Of getting hurt. Today, I know something. I had suspected this but I maintained my cool over the past weeks. But I felt something more today that almost confirmed it. I have no clue why at first. And I was wondering the whole time. I try to shut it off but it demanded to stay. And now, I am scared if this would disappoint me in the end.

Okay2. What I discovered was: I care. A lot. No, I mean...a WHOLE lot. And I also know, that this would get me screwed. You know what...I don't know. I'm confused. I'm probably a mess. And I am definitely scared.

Do I Have To Be Beautiful To Be Loved?

2005-06-15T23:34:00.000+08:00

I thought of this some time ago and wrote about it. Today I finally finished the article and editing it. So, here it is.

Isn’t it ironic? People often say, “Who cares about looks?” or “Look on the inside – the heart.” But realistically, they don’t do that. As beautiful as the world may seemed (if you’re an optimistic person), it is merely stereotypic and pressurised. We have heard so many kinds of motivational talks telling us to be confident in ourselves and to shut all these naughty ramblings on being physically perfect. Yet, they only work for about a week or two and after that, we are back to being pressured. It is sad because it just seemed as if we are all being judged by our appearances. Why can’t we just be ourselves and the rest of the world just accept it? I guess the world is becoming shallower day by day.

It is not a crime to be vain. Whether they are men or women. However, I found that men often complained on women being too dressed up or simply when a woman tries to make herself up. But they are contradicting their own selves. If you ask them what kind of women they want, I can tell you that 95% say they want good-looking women. So what will happen to the others? Well, some ended up with the other 5%, some grow old alone and for some, dedicated themselves to career. Now guys will say, ‘What about women? They are the same too. They search for the best things in men.’ Yes, they do. But despite that women will still consider the inside. And when we manage to look deeper into one man’s heart and know him as whom he is, then only we decide whether to stay or go (doesn’t matter how handsome he is).

In my experience, when I was still immature in all this relationship thingy, I used to look at good-looking men. But never once in my life did I score them. Okay, my last ex was cute. But I only go out with him because I really liked him for who he is. I haven’t had many exes, just two. I won’t touch about the other one though, who is a very hypocrite guy. I did have many affairs – the type where you are in the process to get to know each other and then suddenly, it did not work out. And they are also cute guys. I must have a thing with cute guys…hmmm… But one thing for sure, I prefer cute than handsome. =)

Back to the topic, I don’t want people to judge me by looks. Seriously, I don’t like it when people compliment me with words such as “You’re cute”, “How come a pretty girl like you don’t have a boyfriend?” or anything related to that. I might feel flattered but I don’t really like it. Because that, has already shown how people judge you. For all I am concerned, I am neither pretty nor beautiful nor a ‘Hot Chick’. I like to be simple, I like others to see me as the real me and not judge me by appearance.

I have found that they are so many women out there who try hard to please men. Come on, you can look pretty and nice, but do not overdo it. I mean, what is up with all those skimpy clothes that make you look like a slut? Do you do this because of the attentions of men? Of course, they will drool over you and all. But it doesn’t mean they will pick you up for a long term relationship. My friend said to me, “All these girls are just made for playing. If I want a wife, I’ll go for that kind (pointing to an innocent looking girl with tudung).” That’s the reality but I have also met some who doesn’t really care. Most men want girls who are supportive of them, giving cares and loves.

Now, the perspective of being beautiful equals to flawless zitless face and thin bodies, are emerging. Women are pressured by the thoughts of having model-like figures. To say that I am not influenced is so not true. Being one, I can’t escape from it. Everybody will have a say on parts that they don’t like about themselves. I do admit that I’m not excluded. But I don’t want to be loved by my physical. Of course, first attraction is looks. But after that you’ll realized you go deeper than that. You tend to have a liking for a person because of his/her personality.

Attention is far from what I am seeking. Sometimes I like to better my appearance in order to look presentable and to instil confidence in myself. But other than that, nothing. I even feel insecure at times when random people are looking at me. So, no attention for me. To others, I’ll just present myself and no one else. And in relationship, I believe I have grown. I will love a person for who he is and love him because of God. I try to accept people as who they are because I want others to do the same to me. I don’t want to have to look beautiful to be loved. I want people to like me on the inside. I just want to be loved by being who I am. And that what matters most.

put up with me

2005-06-14T18:23:00.000+08:00

I suddenly wonder, how can people put up with me? Especially the guys, him... I know I'm such a self-concious person, I'm always trying to be perfect, I have low confidence in myself at times, etc etc. Sometimes, I myself don't know why I am like this. I try to avoid, try to push everything behind...but I simply can't. It comes within me. All the things I'm feeling...it's all from me. No pretending.

So, I asked Cobaltte. How can the guys be patient with me? How can they put up with all my craziness, girlishness, loudness, seriousness...just everything about me? His answer was : "You've earned their trust and respect." And I thought, 'Wow, that's a big thing!' It was because we all have been together so long, and I am the only girl in the gang, who puts up with them, their acts and jokes. It's receiving what I give to them. I told a friend of mine, "I soo love my friends." And at that time, I realized that I really meant it. These guys mean a lot to me.

To be such a complicated person and having people who are sincere with you, understands you completely and accept you as it is, gives a whole new meaning of what true friendship really is. And in relationship too. I saw a saying about a week ago,

The feeling of love may come and go, but enduring friendship is what keeps it (the relationship) going.

Had a talk with Swen, Hisyam and Cobaltte few days ago...and they were saying the same thing. When you marry someone, it's for a looonggg term. Things will tend to get dull and boring...feelings may disappear. So, that's a challenge for couples to make marriage work. You have to be prepared to spice up and rebuild the marriage. You say, 'I have no love for him/her anymore.' Well, deep inside, what do you really feel? Go watch Mr. and Mrs. Smith (not for action only but also for the lesson it tries to inflict). Then perhaps, you'll get what I mean.

There you go. A piece of me today. I'll be back with more later. ChOwWwwZzzzZaaAa!!

Hurt me

2005-06-14T00:12:00.000+08:00

Yes,
I'm Bad
I'm Weird
I'm Odd
I'm Hated
I'm Rebellious

Left behind
Underestimated
The Underdog
Pushed aside
Disgusted
Yes, you can say all you can about me

Sensitive
Torn apart
Emotional
Yes, I'm hurt

the waiting game...

2005-06-13T18:35:00.000+08:00

It's 6:33 pm here. And I'm still waiting... Bile nak sampai nih..?

Bluevirgo out. ChOwWZZZaAAAaa!

The Guys

2005-06-12T21:28:00.000+08:00

Went out with Cobaltte, Swen and Hisyam at 3 pm. They saw the problem look on my face instantly. Our initial plan to watch Mr. and Mrs. Smith was cancelled since all nearby theatres were sold out (and I only knew last minute when the guys told me they want to go eat). So, headed to Homst, a restaurant near here.

The guys did not hesitate to ask me what happened. They knew something was not right. And so I told them about the fight I had with Mama and the pressure at home. Then, we all had our share of stories. Perhaps the critical home stories would be mine and Cobaltte. We both are in a similar situations except in mine, my mom is the queen control and in his, it's his Dad.

I know that I really cherish their friendship. They're the best guy friends you could ever have. They know me inside and out. Mostly. When I'm with them, it's a free world for me. I don't have to be much in control. We have known for years and years and are always together in a group...so it's never awkward and we all know each other well. Besides, when we're together all of us, we're a family. A family that no one can touch. We back each other up and we have our ups and downs just like a family.

These guys are those who makes me happy and smile. My happiest moments are 98% with the guys. They're my brothers! Unbeknownst to my parents, they have helped me a lot through thick and thin. Lately, Mama doesn't like me to hang out with them. I don't know why...I mean, it's not a crime to be friends with them! Why judge them? She does not know that without these guys, I think I'll be empty. I won't be who I am today. They have accepted me as who I am and is always supportive of my changes. Even though they made me emo or mad sometimes, but they never fail to stick by me.

That's the story for today. Bluevirgo out. ChOwWWZzZaAAaa!

I Will Run

2005-06-12T15:01:00.000+08:00

I don't understand. Why am I being treated like a 15 year old kid? Hello World, I'm 3 months to 20 years old! I might look younger than that or act younger than that...but still, I want to be treated equally. If one wrong would get me grounded, might as well I just keep on making mistakes!

So mad with Mama because she made our family seemed sooo boring, soo rebellious, soo pecah among us sibs...I mean, she's overprotective! When I see my brothers getting pressured of doing their school work, I really pity them. I know they play a lot but why can't she slowly ask them to do their works instead of forcing them? C'mon...doesn't she know that forcing could only make things worse?

Hmphh, I have rebelled countless times against her. Truthfully, most of my life I hated her. Only when I really grew up that I appreciate of the terms 'Family'. And just when I thought things are beginning to get good, it all starts to go downhill again. On the other hand, Abah is his usual self. Being so damn quiet. When he gets mad, then only he speaks up. But then at times, I'm frustrated by his quietness. Can't he back up his own daughter? Or am I always wrong? Am I really is a useless shit around the house?

My friends and people around has said really great things about my family. But that only mean one thing. They have seen a 5 star movie with great actors. On the surface, it's all fine. But no one knows what's happening under it. I love my Dad, yes. For the fact that he has done a lot for our family. He's fierce, when he needs to be. There are happy moments in the family but the reality in this household, everything seemed professional. I never forgave Mama for betraying my trust. Oh, it's a thing in the past sure, but it's a BIG thing. If I trust someone fully and he/she played with it...I'll remember to the end.

This might sound childish, but I want to run away. I need a getaway...and I know where. I'll go there for two days, away from my family. Then, I won't hear people criticizing me for being big, ugly, weird, loud or just anything negative. Or maybe, I'll prove them wrong. I'll change from being big and ugly. Not sure if I can change from being weird and loud though. Will a change be good for me? Hmm...

God, help me get through this hard life. Yes, I will run. Made up my mind.

13 Left

2005-06-12T05:50:00.000+08:00

Accounts of AF3 2nd Concert

Amylea sang 'Asmara' in a very manja way.
Marsha proved she can sing. And she is soo sexy.
Yazer was good! He rocks dude!! ♥
Idayu lost her confidence sadly.
Felix was really funny!
Reza's performance (minus vocal) get the credit for the night.
Amy - worst of all, with 2nd goes to Mawi (seriously, in my opinion!).
Fuad really hit with that expression of losing the one you love.
Aidil sang well, better than some.
Akma did better than I expected.

Other accounts that's worth mentioning:

We saw the 'Ahmad Dhani'!
Mawi perasan haha. Oh..and he suck at dancing! Look back and you'll notice he stumbled a lot!
There's this two Makcik who were really kecoh! Kept shouting , 'Daulat Tuanku', 'Ampun Tuanku', 'Bile nak naik LRT?', 'Aznil!!!!'. They gave us quite a laugh though.
The night was tensed due to fierce commentors and M Nasir himself.
Farah is soooo cute!! Zahid is bigger in size..hehe.
Farah and Idayu seemed to have been friends before. (Hmm..?)
Linda Jasmine is soo pretty.

It came as a shock afterwards when Elliza was the first person got voted out. She gave a good performance. But I guess it wasn't memorable enough? Or maybe as Hana said, she's just an average? Nonetheless, Elliza also rock that night! Wished she stayed longer. She has a very nice character I think and fun to look at. That's just what I have to say now. ChOwWZzZAaaa!!

The Funny Thing

2005-06-11T14:41:00.000+08:00

You wanna know something?
Right at this moment, I miss him. I really do.
Shoot me for being so bold and for thinking so much.
Shoot me. Come, shoot me!
But truth is, I can't stop.
I might have fun and forget a while,
But it'll come back soon after that.
What am I to do?
What am I to do?
I just seemed to have lost control of me.

Yeah...
Funny thing is,
I like the thoughts that run in my head.
Hmm...
Anyone have a cure?
I need a cure, don't you think so?
This is not normal, in my opinion.
Look at me,
I am actually babbling this out!
I do need a cure...

But I guess I will have to just wait then...

AF Concert Tonight!

2005-06-11T11:13:00.000+08:00

Instead of waiting until Sunday which is tomorrow, I end up waiting for Monday! Flight problem it seems. But yesterday, chatted online. That actually made my day. =)

Went out with the guys to our usual Friday port at Bangsar Seafood. Then, went karaoke-ing. Not at Bangsar Avenue, where it'll cost us RM270 for just a normal room, but at Cobaltte's house. His parents weren't around so we karaoke-ed like mad. Haha. We did imitations of singers like Aqua in the song 'Barbie Girl'. It was hilarious!! And I came back home so late (Swen didn't want to send me home. They were having such great time). As usual, I knew already I was about to get the lecture from Mama and Abah.

Oh, tonight I will be going to Akademi Fantasia's concert. Yeah! Free tix courtesy of Hana, a friend of my sis who has been a friend of mine too. In fact, my sister's friends are all my friends also. I guess they're just as crazy as me. But I'm not vogue or 'Hot Chick' like them. Haha!

This coming week will be one busy week for me I guess. I have soo many things to do:

Settle hostel placement (no, I haven't secured one yet)
Plan the PD trip (next weekend)
Get mp3 player!
Settle OSON and give the rest to Khairul Marketing.
Claim salary!

I guess that's it for now. I'm thinking to go OU. Hmm...we'll see about that. If Dena can't go, I'll ask Nor to go with me (surely she will want to follow!). Okk..ChOwWWZzZZaaaAa from me!

p/s: AFUNDI Idayu and Yazer!!!

Playing now : Sex and Candy - Marcy Playground
Next up : 40 Kinds of Sadness - Ryan Cabrera
Mood : OK + Thinking of ----- + Want to go shopping.

Songs Survey

2005-06-10T15:38:00.000+08:00

I thought at first that today was Saturday. Then I realized, it's only Friday! Man! Oh well, I went to OU with my mom and sis. Just window shopping...boring! I found a shirt I like, but I knew if I asked mom for it, she won't let. Guess I'll have to go maybe tomorrow and grabbed it. RM20 only! Yeah!

I was thinking of a song this morning because I dreamt about... haha. And I was in Living Quarters when that song was played! Wow..what a coincidence. Layan la aper lagi! Hahaha. Did this survey just for fun anyway.

Write your answer with title of songs/album with names of artists. Try it, this is fun!

1. Your choice

Edwin McCain, KRU, BSB

2. You are listening to…

Nothing Hurts Like Love [Daniel Bedingfield]

3. You would describe yourself as

- Fighter [Christina Aguilera]

- Aneh [KRU]

4. Others describe you as

- Not That Kinda Girl [Jojo]

- Crazy [Javier]

5. Your current mood

- Miss You Like Crazy [The Moffats]

- I Feel Good [James Brown]

6. Personality that attracts you

- Slumber [O@G]

- The Real Thing [Gwen Stefani]

7. Your life is

- Colors [Utada Hikaru]

- Long, Long Road [Bo Bice]

8. What do you do/need when you’re upset?

- Chocolate [Kylie Minogue]

- Sahabat [Peter Pan]

- The Getaway [Hilary Duff]

9. What are you thinking now?

- You [Jennifer Love Hewitt]

- Sitting, Wishing, Waiting [Jack Johnson]

10. How do you love?

- Aku Masih Setia [Dia Fadila]

- This Is Different [Joey McIntyre]

11. Describe your partner or crush.

- Amazing [George Michael]

- Satu [Dewa]

12. Your dreams are

- Wonderful [Ja Rule]

- Talk Shows On Mute [Incubus]

13. Your family is

Bittersweet Symphony [The Verve]

14. What kind of friend are you?

- Kita Tertawa [Peter Pan]

- I’ll Be Your Crying Shoulder [Edwin McCain]

15. Your advices

- Love Is A Movement [Switchfoot]

- God Is In This Place [Plus One]

16. When you’re mad,

- Crush [Mandy Moore]

- Negatif [KRU]

17. What do you want in a partner?

- Loving Me 4 Me [Christina Aguilera]

- I’ll Be your Crying Shoulder [Edwin McCain]

- True [Ryan Cabrera]

18. What do you want to be remembered as?

- One In A Million [Bosson]

- Concrete Girl [Switchfoot]

- Istimewa [Indigo]

19. What don’t you like?

- Overprotected [Britney Spears]

- Never There [Cake]

- Sandiwara [Tyco]

20. What do you want to do now?

- Still Around [Jennifer Lopez]

- Play That Funky Music White Boy [James Brown]

Counting The Days

2005-06-09T01:00:00.000+08:00

He messaged in Friendster! So HaPPy! =D Counting the days...

Watched Kingdom of Heaven. Yup..definitely a nice movie! Orlando Bloom looked really HOT! That's the first time I said that about him because I only liked him in LOTR. I didn't really think his face suited with black hair...but in Kingdom of Heaven, he's just WOW....

Went out with Dan and Arif to OU (haven't gone out with these two for some time). They wanted to eat. I was only accompanying them. Besides, I was craving for McD's shake. But I didn't get one...and I still want that shake.

Today, at 130 pm, me and ToW guys are going Bowling @ Bangsar again. Yeahh! I guess because it's cheap. RM3/game for student. Good price huh? Next time, anyone want to join?

Watched Cit-Cat Umie Aida and Ako Mustapha (thought of him).
Watched Diari AF...Elliza sang D-Va's song (thought of him).

Okayy...just say it. I'm crazy? Yeah...I probably am. So what? Hahaha.

Alright, I am sleepy. Time to sleep. See ya then. ChOwWzzZzzZAaaAaA!!!

Now playing : I'll Be Your Crying Shoulder - Edwin McCain
Next up : Mr Ronald Moore - Pretty Ugly
Doing : Surveys, Counting days, Chatting (Dena and Cobaltte)