No Turning Back - Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Watching the view out the window from the bus – cars zooming by, the clear sky blending between blue and white, the green landscape of trees – she thought of him. If she had a choice, she did not want to. But no matter how she tried to think of anything else, his face kept appearing in her mind. His boyish look, a heart-shape tanned face with few cute freckles, his fine straight hair, his thin lips that parted showing his perfectly proportioned teeth when he smile, his long nose and his deep eyes seemingly looking into your soul would not escape from her mind sight. To her, he was ordinary. He used to have a cute teddy-like appearance especially when he smiled or laughed but he had shed a few kilos when she saw him the other day.

She longed to see him again. Her mind kept fantasizing their next meet, where they would each declare the love they still had for each other and get back together again. But it was only in her fantasy. She had no clue of how he felt about her. Did he love her as much as before? She hoped so. She could not believe how she still cared for him. She felt that love for him burning inside her the moment she set sight on him once again. She went to the university with no expectations. In fact, she had convinced she felt nothing for him before she was off. Her intention was only to visit her friends whom she had not seen for months. Now, she was in the bus, going back home. She felt something amiss and she knew what it was. It was him. She was leaving him. And she was already missing him.

She stared outside the window as the rain started to pour, fading the landscape of palm trees with the sky in the background. She looked to her left at the man sitting beside her. He was busy sleeping along the way. She then looked down to her lap, where her intertwined hand sat still on top of it. Her longing for him burnt a hole inside her heart. She was there, watching the view faded, as she fought the urge to send him a message on the phone.

“Sayang, I’m going back tomorrow,” she told him, already enduring the pain of leaving him behind. She did not know where they were. He had brought her to a quiet place for some “privacy”. All she knew was they were sitting on a bench beneath a large tree with its branches as shelter above their heads.

“I know. You’re going to miss me right?” he said, smiling. She nodded as his hand stroked her hair. “Come on. We’ll meet as soon as I got back home okay?” This time I’ll come by your house and pick you up. How’s that sound?”

She looked into his eyes, her rosy lips widening into a smile. “Serious?” she asked.

“Serious…” he assured her and playfully, he pinched her chin with a giggle.

“Isk, sayang…” she scolded him and smacked his arm. She did not like it when he touched her chin but he always did that just to irritate her. And every time, he stared at her deep and lovingly and that never failed to make her heart melt.

They sat quietly on the bench, looking up at the dark sky coloured with glittering dots of diamonds. She silently counted how many stars were up in the sky while searching for the brightest one. “You know what, hon?” he asked suddenly, breaking the silence.

“No, I don’t. What?”

He turned and brought her cheek so that they were facing each other. “I must be the luckiest guy alive,” he said, staring into her deep brown eyes and never left them.

She felt sweat trickled down her neck even though it was breezy; she felt his hand stroking her cheek gently and saw a different look in his eyes. She forced a smile and asked, “Why’s that?”

With that, he returned her smile and inched his face closer to hers. Her heart was beating faster than a runaway train. She was extremely aware where this would all lead them to. Her mind alerted and told her to stop. She shut her eyes, not wanting to see what would happen. Her hands were shaking on her lap, sweating, as alerted as her mind was. They were ready to push him away if what she was scared of would eventually happen. She did not dare to open her eyes; her heart now was beating ragingly against her rib cage as she felt his hand placed on her hips.

Then, all of a sudden, her eyes jerked open. Her breath was shallow; it forced her to keep breathing in and out. She glanced to her side and relieved to see the man was still sleeping. She took her face in her hands and breathed again. Oh, how she was glad it was only a dream! She looked at the time on her watch and did estimation. Another two hours until she reached her destination.

She thought about her dream. It left her in shivers. God, what did he do to make her think of him so much? She tried to find her instinct. But none came. What was she to do? Was it good or bad? She leaned back against her seat and sighed. As much as she liked the thoughts of him, she needed to get out of it. It was driving her insane. She closed her eyes and this time slipped into a dreamless sleep.

He could not explain why he felt uneasy that day. He could hardly concentrate on the book he was reading. He felt as if something was not complete. He tried reading the words on the book out loud. But it was of no use. He could not even hear his voice. “Come on, Amran. Your last paper is tomorrow. Concentrate!” he told himself. He unplugged his mp3 player earphones from his ears and put it aside. “Maybe silence would do it,” he thought. He tried again. However, five minutes later it was all the same. The concentration refused to stick. It was frustrating him at last.

Beep, beep! Beep, beep! His head shifted to the sound of a phone. He took a look at his handphone on his bed. 1 message received. “Who would it be now?” he said to himself, annoyed by the sudden disturbance. He grabbed his phone and opened the message. “Arrived safely at uni. Just thought I’d tell. Study smart and make sure you score,” it said.

Looking at that, he let out a breath of relief. “She’s safely there,” his heart said. Somehow, the uneasy feeling had vanished. He felt like the weight he was carrying was taken off by an invisible force. He felt totally at ease. And while he was once again trying to revise for his examination, he realized, he got back his concentration.

Fry onions and garlic until golden. Pour cream and stir. For those who like it hot, put it the chillies. Next, throw in crabmeat and shrimp and stir the mixture. Optional, you can add in onion leaves for more colours. After that, bake the mixture in microwave with mozzarella cheese on top for about 10 – 20 seconds.

Eryn read the recipe once again after she wrote it in her recipe book. She had remembered the recipe from that morning show on television and thought how easy it was. She was actually feeling bored stuck in her hostel room. It was raining heavily outside and she had absolutely no mood to sleep much less to go out. Her friends would have slept over a rainy day but she was different. Eryn would only sleep when she felt like it. And now, she was not feeling it at all. How she wished she was home and in front of her beloved computer. She would have spent hours on the computer just surfing around, chatting or playing games. She could also go shopping with her sister and chit-chatting on the latest happenings.

“Man, this is so boring!” she said alone. She grabbed the nearest magazine and started reading on what seemed like a health article. As if answering her exclamation, her mobile rang. “Hah, now only you rang!” She picked up the blue Nokia phone and looked at the screen. Her face immediately lit up.

“Lysa, hey!”

“Hi, Ryn. Just thought I’d call. Where are you?” A sweet voice, which could describe a small cute lady, said.

“In my room. Stuck in uni. I’m so bored, Lysa. Don’t know what else to do,” she complained while putting the magazine on the floor.

She sweet voice let out a laugh. “Me too. But I’m going home in two days time. So how was your trip? I got your message. What happened?” Lysa was one of Eryn’s best girl friends. She studied up east, about six hours from their neighbourhood. They had been friends in primary but lost contact when Lysa moved to another school. They met again a year ago and since then, always contacting each other. It was unbelievable how in common they were right to their zodiac to their favourite food stall. However, Lysa is the one on the softer side while Eryn is more comfortable on being harder.

“Two days?” exclaimed Eryn. “That’s early. I will still be stuck here though,” she frowned. “Oh yeah. The trip was great. I met most of my old friends and of course, him.” Him was Eryn’s ex-boyfriend. She had liked him on and off since they were friends and although, she had less feeling for him when he asked her to be his girl, she accepted nonetheless. She thought she would uncover the feelings she once had for him back again but unfortunately, she did not. And so, they broke up soon after. But they remained great friends after that.

“Lysa, I don’t know what happened. All of a sudden, I felt something for him. Don’t you think it’s strange? Even you know I felt nothing for him before this,“ she explained to her friend. She imagined Lysa was right in front of her. Her fair rounded face in a scarf, patiently listening to her.

“Hmm…it’s hard discussing over the phone. Never mind, how about we arrange a meet as usual when you get back? Or maybe you can sleepover at my house!” Lysa suggested excitedly. Eryn had been to Lysa’s house countless times as Lysa was the only girl, besides her mom, in the family. So, when they got together, it was usual for her to go to her house and talked countless hours about new stories, crushes and secrets.

Eryn smiled. “Yeah, besides I am absolutely sure there’ll be more to talk about! So I’ll see you when I see you okay?”

“Alright, Ryn. See you and take care. Bye!”

Eryn smiled to herself, happy receiving the call. She could not wait to see Lysa again. It had been two months since she last saw her. At that time, Lysa was in a confusing state of relationship with their friend, Adil while Eryn was swearing off guys, yet once again.