Incomplete

When he's not around, my life turned quite different. I become not as cheerful, I don't feel much in tune with the world, my tempers fall a bit short...to sum it up, I am not feeling at the top of anything at all.

My mom has been expressing the no-need-to-go-see-him and stuff. And I don't know exactly what it all meant. She gave me excuses that it's not safe, it's not what us Malay would say, "manis", it's wasting money (when I have totally a different view on it!) and etc. I hate it when she expect him to do all the givings and I do all the takings! This is my life and I deal it on my own. I will only take good advises that comes from her and not let her control the rest. If I want to give some and take some, it is not up to her to worry about.

Just because he has done and given me a lot, it doesn't mean I have to just be the taker in our relationship. Everyone has their own love story. This is mine. I wish she would just be supportive and let me live my life instead on judging and criticising me on everything that I do.

And there is the 'me' issue. I am insecure of myself..not around him but actually around his mother and his sister. Both of them are really nice and her mom treated me almost as if I were her daughter. His mom even said she trusted me with his son! Gosh, that's a big thing! But I am always alert if I said something not quite right to her or do something that she may not like etc etc. I don't want to do that...because as serious as this may sound, I do see her like another mother to me (well, if God allows it, she would be).

Thing is, I need him now. Here. With me. With all these things going on and these thoughts inside my head, he is the only one who can act as a tranquilizer to me. He mellows me. I can't imagine my life without him. I'd be...just not me I guess.

I try...
To go on like I never knew you,
I'm awake...
But my world is half asleep,
I pray...
For these heart to be unbroken,
But without you all I'm going to be is...
INCOMPLETE.

Yes, I would be incomplete. Just like the song. It fits. I need him in my life. Now and forevermore. No, I am not ashamed to admit...that I am in love with him.

Syg...I miss u soo much! Pls come back home soon.....i miss u baddd...my days aren't as bright as when ur around. I forced myself to smile...I forced myself to laugh. Every good thing all seemed shortlived. It's not the same without youu...

-end-