=(

Have you ever felt like u've worked your ass off over something and it still come short? You have put a lot (when I say a lot it means a whole LOT) of effort at something you want to accomplish but people are saying that it's just not enough. I am facing one right now.

My r/ship. I have gone through so many, many changes...and yet, he's still not satisfied with what I've become. I've changed my lifestyle, I've changed my appearance, I've changed my attitude...still it's never enough for him. I asked myself few hundred times already, what more do I have to do? He said that he loved me just the way I am. But why do I have the feeling that he's trying to make me into one of his fantasy girl?

I'm sad. Sad because he always say that he knew me well. But does he? Why did he make me cry then? And I'm sad because I cannot be his fantasy girl. That no matter how much I try, it will never be enough. I told him that to change, I need time. Right now, he's not giving me that.

I know that most girls would want him as a bf. A non-smoker. Perfect child for any parents. Respectful to the elders. Would do anything for his girl...well, not everything I supposed. He reckon that I am lucky to have someone like him. So is most of my frens anyway. I just wish...he would stop hurting me like today. Lose his horrible temper. I hate it. I hate to be screamed at.

I guess I'm too weak. I wish I can just run off to my frens and tell them about my problems. But I've changed my lifestyle. For him. And I'm left alone. With no one to share my problems with. Here I am. Wanting to cry again. Alone.