I Will Run

I don't understand. Why am I being treated like a 15 year old kid? Hello World, I'm 3 months to 20 years old! I might look younger than that or act younger than that...but still, I want to be treated equally. If one wrong would get me grounded, might as well I just keep on making mistakes!

So mad with Mama because she made our family seemed sooo boring, soo rebellious, soo pecah among us sibs...I mean, she's overprotective! When I see my brothers getting pressured of doing their school work, I really pity them. I know they play a lot but why can't she slowly ask them to do their works instead of forcing them? C'mon...doesn't she know that forcing could only make things worse?

Hmphh, I have rebelled countless times against her. Truthfully, most of my life I hated her. Only when I really grew up that I appreciate of the terms 'Family'. And just when I thought things are beginning to get good, it all starts to go downhill again. On the other hand, Abah is his usual self. Being so damn quiet. When he gets mad, then only he speaks up. But then at times, I'm frustrated by his quietness. Can't he back up his own daughter? Or am I always wrong? Am I really is a useless shit around the house?

My friends and people around has said really great things about my family. But that only mean one thing. They have seen a 5 star movie with great actors. On the surface, it's all fine. But no one knows what's happening under it. I love my Dad, yes. For the fact that he has done a lot for our family. He's fierce, when he needs to be. There are happy moments in the family but the reality in this household, everything seemed professional. I never forgave Mama for betraying my trust. Oh, it's a thing in the past sure, but it's a BIG thing. If I trust someone fully and he/she played with it...I'll remember to the end.

This might sound childish, but I want to run away. I need a getaway...and I know where. I'll go there for two days, away from my family. Then, I won't hear people criticizing me for being big, ugly, weird, loud or just anything negative. Or maybe, I'll prove them wrong. I'll change from being big and ugly. Not sure if I can change from being weird and loud though. Will a change be good for me? Hmm...

God, help me get through this hard life. Yes, I will run. Made up my mind.