Trial times

When someone tells you that you're not matured yet, what do you feel? Especially when it's from someone you love? Hurt? Well, that's exactly how I feel when I get the 'you-are-not-matured' talks. I remember few weeks ago when I feel nothing about it. You can say to me that I am not matured whatsoever...and I couldn't care less. But now, the words hit me quite hard sometimes. I kept asking myself, 'Why?'. Why, all of a sudden, I started to feel these things? I wish I have the answers now and I wish that I'll get out of it soon.

Anyway, it's 230 am here in Malaysia...and I actually get on the Net, after waiting for my father to finish, with intention to online with my bf (since he told me to go online). But when I did, I found out he was asleep and too lazy to go online. Kinda hurt a little when he is not responding to anything I said to him while on the phone...but I guess I was being too sensitive and selfish.

Just like my last post, I am still on trial times right now. Things are up and down. Sometimes I feel easy and sometimes I feel hard. Nothing is smooth sailing when 'the weather's' down. And I have to be patient in enduring that, bcoz apparently 'the sky' is not in a great mood for me.

I have tried to be the greatest person...and I have been my best the past few years. It's just that this lately, I don't feel like I am. I have been neglecting my home friends, having the 'green' feeling too easily, being suspicious of ppl, etc etc. I don't get out as much as I did before. I don't go to my theatre meetings anymore, I don't hang out with my guys, I seldom hang around with the girls... And all this, is doing nothing good to my self-esteem.

I realized that I don't want to lose touch with my life. I used to have so much fun with all the guys and girls. I was so independent and cheerful all the way. Am I losing that part of my life now? You know what? I think I will have to re-order my life! I can't just be sitting here, wondering what I should do, thinking about my life and do nothing. I will take an action of getting my life back in order and inject some perspective to it. How's that sounds for a starter?

Okk..time for me to take a nap. See you in the next post. ChOwwWwzZZzaAAa!!!