I hate love

When you're hurt, you don't want to see that person who hurts you.
But when he calls, you don't have the heart to reject his calls.

I hate love.

No way to what ifs

Okay. Scratched that engagement thingy. As of now, I will not going to talk much about it. Will not plan so much either. And will not expect too much of it too. Sometimes, our expectations can surprise us. Yeap, true to that Meredith (from Grey's Anatomy).

I had been thinking. This whole thing, it's too early isn't it? Or am I just wrong there? A friend of mine said that it's alright to plan ahead. But when he comes up with the what ifs questions, it simply breaks my heart. I had never thought of any what ifs. Should I even think of the what ifs? All these what ifs questions make me throw my hopes and dreams of us. But I must admit that there is still left a glimmer in me. Hoping. For us to really work.

Another friend of mine asked me just about few hours ago,

"What if he's not there anymore?"

I told him straight away, without thinking,

"I don't know how to live again."

I guess a quote I once read is true : "Love to a man is something. But to a woman, love is everything."

Anyway, I have decided that I am not bounded to him anymore. Well, not yet. So, I might as well just do the things I want to do before the what ifs or the real thing happen. I absolutely don't want to miss out on things that I can do while I'm not legally attached. So, right now it is all up to me.

Engaged?

I am both anxious, scared and excited to be engaged.
Even though it's next year.

I am starting to plan the details for the engagement.
I am starting to think of what to do for the engagement.

Am I crazy?
Am I too excited when I shouldn't?

I am definitely crazy, right?