I won't ask anymore

His words were hurtful. I received a msg this morning from him and it kinda tears my heart. I asked myself...what is wrong? What have I done? But it seems...everything from me is just not right. Am I asking too much? Am I being too difficult? Am I spending too much of your money?!

Okay. I won't do that again. Okay. You don't have to come and see me. Okay. You don't have to call me. Not even once. I can live. You don't have to say you love me anymore. I know. You don't have to try to please me. And you don't have to try to understand me. Yes, I am a workaholic so I can basically just focus on what I have to do and what I want to do. You can say what you want of me...yes, I am all that.

I wish we can just get married, and have all these far apart problems away. But apparently we can't. I have to wait. So, I'll wait. What more can I ask? Well, now I ask for nothing. I ask for nothing except that you will always love me until the day I die. If love comes with money, I don't want any of it. I just want love without the material stuff and whatsoevernots.

Certainly...I really do think that I need to find that calm place...

Still alive...

I haven't been updating this blog for a while I know. It's just that I have 2 blogs now...and I can only update one at a time. Plus...it's also due to the fact that I am really busy with work here at TV3. Man! Coming up to Fasting month and Raya, there are so much work around here. But although they are all fretting about work, so far...it's all good.

I'm having constant shoulder ache...especially when I'm doing work in front of the PC all the time. I just wish someone would volunteer to massage me. That'll be reeaaally good! Moreover, I haven't had enough rest for such a long time. I work 5 days a week. And on weekends, I go to see my bf who is obviously far away from here. Usually we take turns in seeing each other...but the last 3 weeks, I've been going to him. This week, he wanted to see me. He asked me to go to him again. HOnestly, I want him to come see me.

My parents are currently out of town. That's a problem because if he wants me to go where he is, I can't. I depend on public transports. I know I can't ask much of him. He calls me everyday. When we go out, he pays for me. Even if I want him to come here, it's going to cost him. A day trip costs RM50. And that's only the fuel and toll. It's so hard being far away from each other and constantly missing him every day.

I'm trying to stay focus on my work so that I don't have to always keep thinking of him. We've got many, many more years to come...and it's crucial for me to be understanding of his position and also keep with my faith in our r/ship. I never doubt in us and I promise myself that I never will. It's just the years that I have to withstand.

And even though I always seemed impatient and fragile of us...somehow I know I can.