Tuesday, May 31, 2005

From GooD To BaD

Today was starting to end up as a really fine day due to the fact I got some cheering up. Thanks!! (You know who you are) But when I got home from work, after having my nice bath...I got some news. And I went into the net and saw something.

My mood altered. Why can't they stop from hurting me? I thought they had enough. I guess not. Wasn't my break had any effect? This is just absurd! I kept telling myself not to think much about it and realizing that I am taking this matter seriously. So, I took chocolate (luckily I had some left from yesterday!). Now, feeling a lot calmer.

I told myself also that all that's been happening now is to test myself. God would not give this all if I can't handle it. He knows I am able to pull this through and to solve the problems that I am facing. And maybe, God did this to me as to let me send a message to them. So, they would notice and matured from their doings.

Right about now, with many stuff in my head, I am so glad someone's there for me and constantly cheering me up. Thanks to God...He knows better of what I need to help me through. =D Everything that happens in life has a reason right? And so, I'm placing my faith in that.

All I do is think of what I like to think off hehe and I'll be happy. Okk..off for now. ChOwwWzZzaAa!!!

Monday, May 30, 2005

Ily, Cheer Up!

At the office. Was feeling really down until someone cheered me up. But I did a lot of thinking (man, I'm a thinker!). I was chatting with one of ToW guys and had a quite deep talking. He told me that Hisyam pointed out my emo-ness to the guys and they had a laugh over that. He tried to talked me out of having a break from the club (although it had started) but I guess I wasn't tolerating it. I need this. Or else I'll be more emo than before.

This all occured because Swen suddenly knew something from my life and decided to spread it around. I told him already to not let the guys know. He was supposed to keep it to himself but no, he decided it would be best to tell the guys. I didn't mind all their katai-ings before because I'm used to that but this time, it was a bit too much. And just now, Swen called, I just refused the invitation to hang out with them. He sounded like he knows that I was seriously emo, but who cares? I'll be back as usual in a few days anyway.

Hmm..I have always try to accept people as who they are (switching topic). However, I don't try to accept myself as who I am. I mean, I love myself and all. But I am always skeptical of what I am capable of and I have a somewhat low self-esteem. I always say to myself, 'Xde org yg perfect. If you like a person, you got to accept his bad traits and his own self. Kene tau yg not everyone ader same pendapat dalam semua bende.' But even I am not accepting of myself and always feeling as low as I can. I hate this and I really hope to get more confidence in myself this year.

Okk2. "Jgn lyn sgt rasa2 tuh" --> I have to remember his words. Farid, nnt cheer me up some more k. I can't help it. Rasa tuh ader gak. Nvm, I'll get through this. I know I can. "Jgn lyn sgt. Kejap je tuh."

I got to go. See ya later in the next post. ChoWwWzzZaA!!




Sunday, May 29, 2005

F1 Burst!

AAaaahhHHH!! I am sooo bengang, pissed and everything related to that. I watched F1 with hopes that Kimi will win today and guess what? He didn't! Not only that, he had only 1 more lap to go to getting on the podium to win. But his right-hand side tyre suddenly burst and that's the end of his race. I was soo pissed that I went down and refused to watch the rest of the race. Yeah, right now I am pissed.

Blog..oh Blog...

Man, I never knew that blogs could help me in some way. I recently knew some people's thoughts that I never knew about. Reading others' blogs, you could uncover all the dark and dirty secrets they have. Gosh, I really had no clue that in my family, there are many conflicts. I mean, I know some that are just on the surface before but now, I know that some problems are affecting few persons in my family. Here, my family means the Big Family, including cousins and the rest of them.

In my case, I do write about my feelings here and there (since I have two blogs). However, at this moment of time, I'm a bit secretive on my private life. I don't know why. Maybe it was because of my past experiences that if I tell it to the world, it would not happen. So, you got to wait until the good things are confirmed, then only I open up. But I don't know until when I'lll be keeping it shut. And about the past, I'd rather put behind. Some have really hurt me a lot and it's better to just forget about it. To this date, I know I am still not a great person. I always make mistakes. Yeah...I'm human.

Anyway, went to a family wedding just now. All of our relatives were there. It was a big gathering! And even that, there are still some who can't make it. Imagine if ALL were gathered together! Here's the pix of the wedding just now and last night's majlis nikah. I'm kinda beat and full,so til next time. ChOWwWzzZzaAAa!!


The Bride
The Pelamin

Girls @ Wedding
Yana & Nor at nikah

Saturday, May 28, 2005

Two Thoughts In An Hour

As I was eating one day (meratah lauk in exact since I don’t take rice), I thought of people who knew my habit. I used to hide this habit of mine because yes, I know others thought it’s weird. Until I let Dena in about this. Surprisingly, she does not mind and she also did not take much rice (but she ate once in a while). It had helped me to be open on everything in my life since then. Dena had helped me a lot in accepting more of myself. I am not scared anymore of telling people of my weird habit. But I sometimes feel awkward when just buying ‘lauk’ and eating it just like that. Around people like Haikal, Fyza and Kak Yati (in UKM), luckily they made me feel normal.

Some people asked why I refused to take rice. Is it a diet routine? I laughed usually. No. It’s quite funny how it happened. It has little to do with diet, that, I can say. Actually I do eat rice but when I have the mood to eat or when I am at a certain occasion like kenduri kahwin. I’m much tolerable in eating rice now than last time where I have gone 2 years without rice. It does not affect me much since I’m not an eater. I consume little and could not take too much at one time. Even when I had buffet, I eat little by little. I guess I am cursed with a small tank. Quite lucky I must say but it has its drawbacks. Man!


I am listening to my private playlist as I am writing this now. Bintang Di Surga by Peter Pan is playing. It isn’t the lyric that trigger this thought but it is the melody. Lyrics apart, the melody tells a story of its own. It’s a melody of unconditional love that grows and grows for someone. I am a musically driven person and I guess I have come to a point where I appreciate a song’s melody and decipher its meaning on my own. Whether it’s right or wrong, I don’t care because one has every right to think creatively.


And talking about Love, I guess I have been having that a lot now and in one special case, very near to having that. Somehow, it feels incredible. Life seems brighter and despite problems at work, it supports me. Before, I would say my life is as usual but if you ask me now, I’d say, My life is great! Incredible! (with a big smile on my face). I don’t know how long the feeling would hold up (if it’s for a lifetime, won’t it be great?), but while it’s here let’s cherish it. =D


I think that’s enough for now. Oh, I just read a nice piece on the net. I will post it after this. I guess I got a lot on my mind. I can post lots in one day! But let’s keep it simple yah! Heheh. It’s all because of you… -Sway by Bic Runga- Almost to the end of the song. Man, I just feel good, don’t I? =) Til next post, ChOwWwzzZzaaAa!!

Now Playing: Kabus Ribut – Butterfingers (just started)
Next Up : I'll Be - Edwin McCain
Mood : All the nicest winks on MSN hehe

A Friday In May

I have a blog fan!! Hehehe. Well, he calls himself Anonymous, but I know who he is actually. ;)

To Anonymous: You can’t escape anymore…I got ya!! Hahahha.

You know, it feels nice to have someone who really reads your blog. Maybe I haven’t had that much fan yet but I know my sis read mine because I saw the link to my blog from hers. Amin read my ToW blog at Friendster. Oh and that reminds me. I have to inform Nadiah and Nadhilah about this blog. Both of them have asked about my story updates. I guess I forgot to mention about moving the story here.

Note to self: Tell Nadiah and Nadhilah about story updates.

Today, I feel much better. Met a potential client at 11 am and gave him the details that he wants. However, today he is in a good mood. Kak Nana joked that it was because I looked ‘keanakdaraan’ and ‘cun giler’ today. Haha. Nope, it’s not that, okay. I was only dressed up like that because today is Friday. So, I’m being a bit ethnic. Here’s the pix before I went to work. Nice? =P


I got back the computer that I sent down yesterday. I mean, the office comp. It was really slow and was frustrating me so I told the technician to format it and put in Windows XP. Now, I have a much faster computer plus I am able to chat using MSN or YM. Hehe. And I can now install anything that I want like Adobe or whatever. But yeah, when I have no work, all I do is chat, checking Friendster, downloading and blogging.


However, currently I have much work to do. So I took the full advantage to log in the Internet when I have no work due. Man, I am so addicted to the Internet. Wonder why…hmmm…. Ahaks! Seriously, having this XP now, things are much easier. Good mood so far because it’s colourful (colour does affect your mood!), faster, manageable, not jammed and I can finally listen to music! Yea!!


Oh, my grandmother from my mom’s side is here. She often comes down to KL anyway. But she’s here now because our big family has a wedding coming up. Just got back from there actually. My Dad and I went there straight from the office. Supposedly it’s the daughter of my mom’s auntie or cousin or somewhat.


I helped where needed and observed the crowd (I like to do that often huh). Women on one corner gossiping and sharing old time stories while the men talked about recent stuff as well as their own complications in health (if there is). It was really fascinating watching the scene. Oh, and my grandma was hinting me and you know how you go to people’s wedding for that 'berkat kahwin' (uh oh!).

Man, you know what? Talking about the big family, I miss Johor. I mean, JB (to all none Johorians out there). Seriously, I have been quite attached to Johor since I was small. I even went to UTM for a year! I miss my favourite aunt who just gotten engaged last Saturday. I didn’t go to the ceremony because my parents were not home due to Umrah. But I met her boyfriend before the engagement, when I did a round trip to JB. She asked me what I thought of her guy and I simply approved! Hehehe. I seriously think they compliment each other and it was so cute seeing them together. The guy is much better than her last bf.

Cik Mal, happy engagement! Hehe. Hope you and Amri will stand through all the bumps on the road! I like seeing you two! Wish I have one who will make me happy and is as nice, caring and sweet as you fiancé. Pray for me k! (Mama dah sibuk2 nak tau who is my bf…pdhal takde pon. Suruh Nor la kahwin dulu…dia yg ader bf).


That's my Friday so far. I guess what makes this not like my other Friday is because I did not go out to Bangsar Seafood. Yeah...they called to pick me up. But for once, this time, I skipped. Well, no crime in that. So, I'm off for now. ChOwWWzZZzaAAaa!!!

Friday, May 27, 2005

Poem : What Is This Feeling?

I wrote this last night. Inspiration from my own feelings. I won't elaborate nor would I tell who is that person (if he ever existed). For the meantime, let me hide it. Kinda fun that way hehe.


What is this feeling?
I am trying to hide,
I do not want to fall,
And get hurt in the end;
What is this feeling?
I am trying to fight.
I have given my all,
To convince we are just friends.

But the more I pulled away,
The more you came to stay;
And the farther I ran away,
The closer you are to me each day.

And when every time I said 'No',
My heart said 'Yes',
And every time I told you to go,
You came back with your very best.

So what is this feeling?
That I am trying to fight,
That I am trying to avoid;
It is stirring me inside,
It is confusing me a lot,
So would you please explain?
What kind of feeling is this?

- 26 May 2005 -

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Remember The Past

I had a talk with one of whom I consider my closest friend in ToW club, yesterday. It started of just as a simple talk. I wanted the guys to stop teasing me because they had put their hands into my personal matter. And of course, when it gets to that I'm sure no one would want it. At first, they were teasing of how I look really happy these past days and all (is that a crime?)...but then it got deeper and I started to feel emo.

So I confessed to my friend of my feelings...that I didn't like it when they go overboard. I wanted him to stop them because he was the one who started it all. Suddenly, he opened up a topic that was already couple of years old. It was the time where he did something that our whole geng despised of and was 'punished'. I was one of them and I know where his wrong was. But we did not tell him. We simply kept it to ourselves and left him wondering what he did wrong. I guess that's where our mistake is.

He still remembers that well and carries it with him. Although we have forgive him of what he did, but still he did not know where his wrong was. To him, everything that happened was our fault. We were the ones who had the egos. He did not know that he hurted me a lot (we had something going on back then) on a lot of occasions and that I was always trying to be patient with him. Eventually, when everything seemed clear, he showed his true colours by mistake and let us all see it. That's when everyone decided to lay him off from the geng for a while so he could realize his mistakes.

Unfortunately, he did not. And judging by yesterday's discussion, he would not forget about it. How stupid I am to not realize this. He is always so nice, picking me up to clubs activities and dropping me off at my house or coming by my house to just have a chat -- just like a great friend or a brother would -- but yet he remembers the past and as he said to me 'masih takleh terima' what we did, even if we have apologized.

In this case, I could do nothing except to apologize for me and on behalf of the others. He still won't accept though. I guess it would have to take some time. Anyway, back to me being Happy. =D Yea! I still am happy although with much stuff in my head. Worries, problems, happiness, lucky...everything is jumbled up in one. But I still can't get away when people look into my eyes and say, 'Ily, you're shining.' Oh well, it is true when they say Eyes Are The Window To Your Soul.

I got to go now. I'm meeting a client in 15 minutes. So for now, ChOwWwzZZaAaa!!

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

No Turning Back - Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Watching the view out the window from the bus – cars zooming by, the clear sky blending between blue and white, the green landscape of trees – she thought of him. If she had a choice, she did not want to. But no matter how she tried to think of anything else, his face kept appearing in her mind. His boyish look, a heart-shape tanned face with few cute freckles, his fine straight hair, his thin lips that parted showing his perfectly proportioned teeth when he smile, his long nose and his deep eyes seemingly looking into your soul would not escape from her mind sight. To her, he was ordinary. He used to have a cute teddy-like appearance especially when he smiled or laughed but he had shed a few kilos when she saw him the other day.

She longed to see him again. Her mind kept fantasizing their next meet, where they would each declare the love they still had for each other and get back together again. But it was only in her fantasy. She had no clue of how he felt about her. Did he love her as much as before? She hoped so. She could not believe how she still cared for him. She felt that love for him burning inside her the moment she set sight on him once again. She went to the university with no expectations. In fact, she had convinced she felt nothing for him before she was off. Her intention was only to visit her friends whom she had not seen for months. Now, she was in the bus, going back home. She felt something amiss and she knew what it was. It was him. She was leaving him. And she was already missing him.

She stared outside the window as the rain started to pour, fading the landscape of palm trees with the sky in the background. She looked to her left at the man sitting beside her. He was busy sleeping along the way. She then looked down to her lap, where her intertwined hand sat still on top of it. Her longing for him burnt a hole inside her heart. She was there, watching the view faded, as she fought the urge to send him a message on the phone.


“Sayang, I’m going back tomorrow,” she told him, already enduring the pain of leaving him behind. She did not know where they were. He had brought her to a quiet place for some “privacy”. All she knew was they were sitting on a bench beneath a large tree with its branches as shelter above their heads.

“I know. You’re going to miss me right?” he said, smiling. She nodded as his hand stroked her hair. “Come on. We’ll meet as soon as I got back home okay?” This time I’ll come by your house and pick you up. How’s that sound?”

She looked into his eyes, her rosy lips widening into a smile. “Serious?” she asked.

“Serious…” he assured her and playfully, he pinched her chin with a giggle.

“Isk, sayang…” she scolded him and smacked his arm. She did not like it when he touched her chin but he always did that just to irritate her. And every time, he stared at her deep and lovingly and that never failed to make her heart melt.

They sat quietly on the bench, looking up at the dark sky coloured with glittering dots of diamonds. She silently counted how many stars were up in the sky while searching for the brightest one. “You know what, hon?” he asked suddenly, breaking the silence.

“No, I don’t. What?”

He turned and brought her cheek so that they were facing each other. “I must be the luckiest guy alive,” he said, staring into her deep brown eyes and never left them.

She felt sweat trickled down her neck even though it was breezy; she felt his hand stroking her cheek gently and saw a different look in his eyes. She forced a smile and asked, “Why’s that?”

With that, he returned her smile and inched his face closer to hers. Her heart was beating faster than a runaway train. She was extremely aware where this would all lead them to. Her mind alerted and told her to stop. She shut her eyes, not wanting to see what would happen. Her hands were shaking on her lap, sweating, as alerted as her mind was. They were ready to push him away if what she was scared of would eventually happen. She did not dare to open her eyes; her heart now was beating ragingly against her rib cage as she felt his hand placed on her hips.

Then, all of a sudden, her eyes jerked open. Her breath was shallow; it forced her to keep breathing in and out. She glanced to her side and relieved to see the man was still sleeping. She took her face in her hands and breathed again. Oh, how she was glad it was only a dream! She looked at the time on her watch and did estimation. Another two hours until she reached her destination.

She thought about her dream. It left her in shivers. God, what did he do to make her think of him so much? She tried to find her instinct. But none came. What was she to do? Was it good or bad? She leaned back against her seat and sighed. As much as she liked the thoughts of him, she needed to get out of it. It was driving her insane. She closed her eyes and this time slipped into a dreamless sleep.

He could not explain why he felt uneasy that day. He could hardly concentrate on the book he was reading. He felt as if something was not complete. He tried reading the words on the book out loud. But it was of no use. He could not even hear his voice. “Come on, Amran. Your last paper is tomorrow. Concentrate!” he told himself. He unplugged his mp3 player earphones from his ears and put it aside. “Maybe silence would do it,” he thought. He tried again. However, five minutes later it was all the same. The concentration refused to stick. It was frustrating him at last.

Beep, beep! Beep, beep! His head shifted to the sound of a phone. He took a look at his handphone on his bed. 1 message received. “Who would it be now?” he said to himself, annoyed by the sudden disturbance. He grabbed his phone and opened the message. “Arrived safely at uni. Just thought I’d tell. Study smart and make sure you score,” it said.

Looking at that, he let out a breath of relief. “She’s safely there,” his heart said. Somehow, the uneasy feeling had vanished. He felt like the weight he was carrying was taken off by an invisible force. He felt totally at ease. And while he was once again trying to revise for his examination, he realized, he got back his concentration.


Fry onions and garlic until golden. Pour cream and stir. For those who like it hot, put it the chillies. Next, throw in crabmeat and shrimp and stir the mixture. Optional, you can add in onion leaves for more colours. After that, bake the mixture in microwave with mozzarella cheese on top for about 10 – 20 seconds.

Eryn read the recipe once again after she wrote it in her recipe book. She had remembered the recipe from that morning show on television and thought how easy it was. She was actually feeling bored stuck in her hostel room. It was raining heavily outside and she had absolutely no mood to sleep much less to go out. Her friends would have slept over a rainy day but she was different. Eryn would only sleep when she felt like it. And now, she was not feeling it at all. How she wished she was home and in front of her beloved computer. She would have spent hours on the computer just surfing around, chatting or playing games. She could also go shopping with her sister and chit-chatting on the latest happenings.

“Man, this is so boring!” she said alone. She grabbed the nearest magazine and started reading on what seemed like a health article. As if answering her exclamation, her mobile rang. “Hah, now only you rang!” She picked up the blue Nokia phone and looked at the screen. Her face immediately lit up.

“Lysa, hey!”

“Hi, Ryn. Just thought I’d call. Where are you?” A sweet voice, which could describe a small cute lady, said.

“In my room. Stuck in uni. I’m so bored, Lysa. Don’t know what else to do,” she complained while putting the magazine on the floor.

She sweet voice let out a laugh. “Me too. But I’m going home in two days time. So how was your trip? I got your message. What happened?” Lysa was one of Eryn’s best girl friends. She studied up east, about six hours from their neighbourhood. They had been friends in primary but lost contact when Lysa moved to another school. They met again a year ago and since then, always contacting each other. It was unbelievable how in common they were right to their zodiac to their favourite food stall. However, Lysa is the one on the softer side while Eryn is more comfortable on being harder.

“Two days?” exclaimed Eryn. “That’s early. I will still be stuck here though,” she frowned. “Oh yeah. The trip was great. I met most of my old friends and of course, him.” Him was Eryn’s ex-boyfriend. She had liked him on and off since they were friends and although, she had less feeling for him when he asked her to be his girl, she accepted nonetheless. She thought she would uncover the feelings she once had for him back again but unfortunately, she did not. And so, they broke up soon after. But they remained great friends after that.

“Lysa, I don’t know what happened. All of a sudden, I felt something for him. Don’t you think it’s strange? Even you know I felt nothing for him before this,“ she explained to her friend. She imagined Lysa was right in front of her. Her fair rounded face in a scarf, patiently listening to her.

“Hmm…it’s hard discussing over the phone. Never mind, how about we arrange a meet as usual when you get back? Or maybe you can sleepover at my house!” Lysa suggested excitedly. Eryn had been to Lysa’s house countless times as Lysa was the only girl, besides her mom, in the family. So, when they got together, it was usual for her to go to her house and talked countless hours about new stories, crushes and secrets.

Eryn smiled. “Yeah, besides I am absolutely sure there’ll be more to talk about! So I’ll see you when I see you okay?”

“Alright, Ryn. See you and take care. Bye!”

Eryn smiled to herself, happy receiving the call. She could not wait to see Lysa again. It had been two months since she last saw her. At that time, Lysa was in a confusing state of relationship with their friend, Adil while Eryn was swearing off guys, yet once again.

Sunday, May 22, 2005

No Turning Back - Chapter 2

Chapter 2

“Do you notice that all these kids have the same style of clothing? They’re too influenced with the likes of Avril, Lindsay Lohan and Hilary Duff,” said Eryn, opinionated.

“Yeah. I think it’s sad that most of them think what they do is cool. They haven’t taste the real world yet,” agreed Lysa while browsing through various kinds of shoes in the shop. She picked up ones she liked and tried them, often asking Eryn’s opinion.

“Honestly, Lys, what bothers me is that there are so many of what they call ‘Skinheads’ now. I mean, can’t they see that they look totally ridiculous? People are saying that they are gangsters and all…but who cares? At least, I don’t. Come on, to me they’re just a bunch of posers.” Eryn rolled her eyes in irritation. She had encountered with too many of that species and she felt as if the world she was living in had been invaded with ‘Skinheads Aliens’. The guys dressed ludicrously bad with carrot cut jeans stopped at the ankles and the girls, either baring too much flesh or dressed very tomboyish ala Avril Lavigne when she first came out.

Lysa nodded while putting on a shoe for trying. “Luckily we didn’t end up like them,” she replied. “Nice?” she asked Eryn about the shoe. She put out her right foot with the shoe fitted in at her friend. “I have to get a pair of comfortable shoes so that I don’t have to wear sandals when I go out. They hurt my feet.”

“Yup, luckily. And yes, that’s very nice. Suits you.” She browsed around and her eyes fell on a pair of nice brown heels. She took it and jokingly asked Lysa, “Check this out. What do you think?”

“Eh…that really suits you. You should get them. I never had the chance of seeing you wearing heels, you know,” Lysa said.

She smiled knowingly. “That’s because I only wear them on certain important occasion only. Many people think I am not use to heels but actually I wear them more often than not!” she explained. She took a glanced at it and put it back in place. “I like the looks of it but nah…I won’t wear it much anyway.”

“I’d like to see you wear that one day,” said Lysa, trying the shoes she wanted to buy for the last time. She then packed the shoes in its box and took the receipt from the salesgirl to be paid at the cashier.

“You’ll see me in that on the day I get married,” replied Eryn spontaneously and both of the ladies laughed.

Looking at her watch, Lysa said, “Ryn, let’s go eat. I’m hungry!”

She turned to Lysa. Knowingly, she suggested, “Arena?”

“Okay!”

Bringing the tray containing her food to the table, Lysa saw Eryn sitting there, checking her phone. “Have you ordered?” she asked, placing down the tray on the table.

“Yeah, five minutes,” she replied and helped Lysa in removing the tray while she switched her food onto the table.

“Thanks. Aren’t you going to take your food?”

“Five minutes.”

“Ryn, five minutes is not long. I bet they’ve done with your order.”

“Okay, okay. I’m going…”

Lysa chuckled watching the lady strode along to take her food. It was so Eryn to wait a bit more than five minutes to take the food. She knew her best friend was somewhat self-conscious and sometimes need to be pushed.

“Hmm…satisfied?” said Eryn when she came back with a tray in her hands.

Lysa giggled. “Wow…black pepper! Yummy!”

“Want some? Eat, eat.”

As the two best friends savoured their lunches, talks kept going. Much to be caught up after months separated without contacting each other.

“Um, so what’s the story between you and Adil?” asked Eryn, remembering about the two’s relationship.

Lysa raised her shoulders. “I don’t know. I choose to not care either. He’s always hot and cold so I decided I’m done for.”

“Really…” She looked at Lysa with raised eyebrows. She could hardly believe Lysa could be over it so easily.

Lysa let out a tiny smile. “What…Of course! He’s so egoistic. He won’t let me win in any way. The other day, I didn’t wish him on his birthday. I waited if he would call. But he didn’t! I guess I kind of felt guilty, so I called him about two days after that. So, I wished a belated one. He said he waited for my call on that day but I didn’t call. Then, I just told him that I purposely did that because he didn’t call me and all. And then, he said he too purposely didn’t call! After that, get this, he had the nerve to say that he won because I gave up and called him!”

“Lysa, it’s obvious,” said Eryn. “He likes you! But he is so egoistic!”

“Adil. Egoistic. That fits him perfectly.” Lysa recited. She smiled but at the same time annoyed when thinking of Adil. “So, what is this story about Amran? You still like him?” she asked Eryn, changing the topic.

Eryn sighed. “Gosh, Lysa. My girl friends over there encouraged me to think it over! They kept saying things like, ‘Why did you guys break up?’, ‘Amran is a great guy!”, ‘Pity! You two suit with each other’ and all. Even Nat said it will be no harm to start over.” Natasha is Eryn’s best friend who stayed in another state and studied down south. She was one of the reasons Eryn kept searching for free time to go over there. She, like Lysa, wore scarf but she was a lot shorter than Lysa and she is a Gemini, which Eryn found her hard to understand. However, it was unbelievable how they got along so well whenever they were together.

“Meaning, you still have feelings for him?” asked Lysa, looking straight at Eryn.

She shook her head. “I’m scared to say anything. You know me. I don’t want to turn back. If it’s in the past, it will remain at that,” explained Eryn, firmed with her decision.

“Oh, well. If that’s what you want, then okay. I just don’t want you to feel left out and neglected again like what happened last time.”


Her phone rang. She was on the computer, replying messages on Friendster and was lazy to get her phone. But it rang and rang, urging for someone to answer it. Her brows scrunched. Who would have called her at this time? It was already 7.30 p.m. She sighed. “Yeah, I’m coming!” she shouted to the phone. She ran upstairs to her room and grabbed the phone. “Yeah, what?” she answered.

“Where are you?” asked a male’s voice.

“At home.”

“Want to hang out?”

“Where?”

“Hartamas,” he replied.

She thought a while. “Erm…alright.”

“Fariz will pick you up at 8.30. Chow,” a short goodbye came from her friend.

“Oit, Zek. Tell Fariz to pick up at 8. That means 8.30 to him,” she said, knowing how a procrastinator Fariz is.

“Right, chow.”

She threw her phone on the bed and smiled. “Yes!” she thought. “Out and away!” She grabbed her towel and rushed to the bathroom.

“So, what’s on?” she asked when the guys took a seat near the big screen.

Chelsea and Arsenal,” replied K-Ry.

She smirked. “Ahh…Chelsea will win no doubt.”

“Eh…Arsenal’s the one, man!” protested Haziq, who is known among them as the number one Arsenal’s fan. “I know you hate them Ryn. But you got to admit, they’re the best around. Come on, they beat Man U last week.” Haziq knew Eryn’s liking for Manchester United. But he also knew that she could be universal in supporting teams.

“No way. The Arse suck. I don’t care if they beat Man U or not. We’re talking about tonight’s game.” Eryn did not exactly hate Arsenal, but she purposely bad-mouthed them just to irritate Haziq. Haziq is a real fan of Arsenal and he once refused to go to school because Arsenal had lost a match one night. She remembered that and never forgot how she was the one who discovered his reasons of not going to school. “Ey, Haziq. You know that Chelsea has been strong lately right. There’s no denying that Chelsea will win tonight,” she predicted. “Right, K-Ry?” She turned to look at their friend, a Chelsea fan, for his reply.

“Totally right, Ryn.” K-Ry replied in agreement. Eryn felt victorious over that and stuck out a tongue to Haziq.

Haziq mocked her by imitating her gesture. “Hey, you’re asking a Chelsea fan. Of course he backs you. Why don’t you ask the rest?” He laughed at her. “They’ll surely back me. You want to know why? Because I’m The One.” He laughed again at his own so-called Matrix joke.

“Ahahaha. As if.” She rolled her eyes. “I’ll smack your head, and then you’ll know who is better.”

Haziq imitated her again which made his face looked funny. A few of the guys laughed along. “I want to see you try.”

Suddenly, a voice louder than Haziq’s and Eryn’s sounded, “Fariz, look at them. This is a sign. A healthy relationship in the progress. Man, can’t you guys stop arguing? The games starting you know? If you couple want to fight, go back to Haziq’s house. Then, you can have your real ‘fight’.” And all the people on the table, including Eryn, laughed. They all knew what he meant.

“Zek, they really make a perfect couple,” stated Fariz. “Every time we go out together, these two just can’t stop taking each other’s throat.”

Zek laughed. “Why don’t you two just stick your tongues into each other’s throat then?” Loud laughter burst again.

“Eeiii…Haziq? No way, dude.” Eryn started. “He’s the one always trying to annoy me.” She took a glimpsed to her side at Haziq. “He’s always saying he’s better than me whatsoever. He’s the one who always have to win. And the ‘I’m The One’ thingy? Matrix’s over okay, Haziq.”

Haziq kept on imitating her. His mouth followed as Eryn babbled on. When Eryn saw this, she nudged the side of Haziq and he jumped. “Ah! Enough, enough. Games on.”

The Life I Have

Although I'm up and down these past days (due to my period), but HappY feelings never escaped from me. I'm leading a normal life. Just like everyone else, carrying on as usual. Breathing like other humans do, working like other working people do, hanging out like all other teenagers out there. But I'm always happy. Why?

I guess one of the factor would be friends. I am always cheerful when friends are with me. Somehow, now things are more than that. There are people whom, I realized, I really care about. For example Dena. She has never disappoint me in any way. In fact, she had supported me a lot and we never failed to have a great laugh together. We share our problems and are honest with each other. Definitely a friendship I'll hold to the end.

There are more. Like the ToW guys who also have supported me in my bad times. They have seen the changes in me and will always keep seeing it. Although I've been bullied with their teasings and their typical guys attitude but I guess I've gotten use to that (but I do get embarrassed at times). The friendship with them is simply platonic and it's great to have them on my back.

And there's a friend that I've gotten close with. It just a short span of time, I found that I'm comfortable around him and he's similar to ToW guys but very much unique. Never fail to make me smile and laugh in any situation. Even when I am in my down mood, he manages to bring it up with his sense of humour.

Currently, everything is fine in my life. Relationship with my mom is ok. We don't always fight as usual. My relationship with siblings is also good although I seldom talk with the 3rd sister and 4th brother. Problems will always be there because that's how life goes. But I believe that God gave me problems because He knows that I can handle it. I feel blessed now for what He has given me. God has supported me the most and He always will. For everything that has happened in my life, I owe that to Him. Alhamdulillah...

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

News on TTDIonWHEELS

I am not feeling too perky today. I don't know what I ate bad yesterday that caused my tummy to upset. I can recall that I ate naan and had teh o panas at Mosin. I had chocolate coffee for lunch. I didn't take any dairy stuff so I'm still wondering. I puked my guts out thrice last night and went straight to bed. I felt drained and I felt my tummy muscles tighten. Woke up maybe about 3 am or 4 am, wanting to barf again. But when I got to the toilet, it had calmed down. I feared I may have gotten food poisoning. Woke up in the morning, a little better. Took my breakfast and I was thinking of skipping lunch. But my tummy growled for food. So, here I am, just after having my lunch, still not feeling upbeat as usual.

Anyway, there are news on TTDIonWHEELS club. The website is up and running. And do visit my Friendster's blog. More news on ToW is posted there. Here are the links:
Keep uptodate with ToW's latest news. We're currently planning our next trip and members registration. Registration can be made through me or Adlil. There's registration fee where it will also include front and back car stickers. Oh, and before I forget, here's a view of our logo.

Nice? It was done by me. Thank God the boys dig it. Hehe. Well, hope you guys visit the sites. And leave comments as you please. Til next time. ChOwWwZzZzAaa!!

Monday, May 09, 2005

Uhh...married? Me?

Yesterday, I received sms from Dena. She told me that she dreamt I was married! I mean, in her dream she was at my wedding ceremony! Luckily, she said she does not know the person I am marrying. Fiuh! Meaning, that person was neither my TTDI friends nor my exes for that matter. Although, I'd rather be married to one of my TTDI friends than someone else.

But then, imagine if I were to be married! Uhh..okay, stop that thought. It's scary! I'm a very difficult person to be with (in my opinion) and I'm not like most girls. Even I am sceptical that I would be getting married. Yeah, it would be nice to have someone who loves you truly and all...but I guess I don't have that confidence that any man out there would love me just the way I am. All men wants a nice figured, beautiful girl. I am not that nor I would be that.

In the meantime, I'll be just happy fantasizing that an ordinary guy will sweep me off my feet when he visit me riding on a white horse. No, I don't want a prince (although that would be a bonus!)...I just want someone to like and love me as I am. Inside and out. The good and the bad. And is not awkward to advice me in whatever areas I am lack in.

I'm off now to watch The Contender. I'll be back sometime later. ChOwWwZzZAAAaaa!!

Sunday, May 01, 2005

The Intro

Assalamualaikum and Heyy to all Frens and visitors. =) Let me introduce myself. I am ILynn. Yeah, just call me that, I'm not giving out my full name. Restricted..hehe. Anyway, welcome 2 my blog. This Blog is created because Friendster have no much space for me to publish my stories up. So I'm using Blogger instead. However, they will also be some other writings than just poetry and stories.

I will also be posting my thoughts, fren's blog excerpts which interest me, news (maybe) and wutever that catch my attention. About TTDI on WHEELS, if you guys are familiar with it or want to know more about it, it will be up at my Frenster's blog. And when the website is done, I will be posting the URL here ok.

Wut else....I think that's all. So, pls wait patiently for the next post. I'm sure it'll be up in no time at all. ;) Til then, ChOwWzzZaA..!