Beneath the Cheerfulness...

I am having this whole concious thing again. I keep worrying bout what others think about me and my doings. Cobaltte advised me to just relax and be cool. He said the guys won't mind anything and that I have forgotten my own words, "Brotherhood!". That kind of relaxed me a bit. Then, Dena even reminded me for how many hundredth times to not think so much. Okay2...relax Ily...

Anyway, this week is pretty hectic I must say. Beneath all my cheerfulness, there has been quite some conflicts. And with mom being difficult at home, it's not helping. Thankfully, I have my happy factors. =D And with this not getting hostel thing is also bothering me. It's going to be really tiring for me going to and fro from classes and my house, which is 45 minutes apart! Just my luck huh? Nvm, I am appealing..so hopefully I can get a place either at Kausar or Dato' Onn. Insyallahh...

Hmm...mane Abah ni..? I am off to OU. I want to see Dena. She's a bit not well...in a way that she's not seeing anyone else except her family and me. She has her own story to tell and it's time for me to lend her a listening ear. Oh and Dena has been saying that right now I'm .......... (oops, not telling!) though I don't know whether that's true or not. She insisted that sometimes other people can see it but not me. So, as about now, I am not saying anything because I don't know (am I just so blur or wut..?).

Okayy...I think I should off this now. Dunno what else to do. Website is about 75% finished. I'll keep building until finish and tell you guys when it's done. =) ChOwWwzZZzZaaAaAa!!!

Now Playing : Semusim - Marcell
Next up : Rindu Padanya - Azharina

HaPPy Factor

Mood & feeling :


When you smile. =)

Occupied & Energised

I have been really occupied these few days. Out and about. Mainly in the day. I try to stay home at night because of my mom's babbles. Man, her mouth seems to have a life of it's own. But all it does is criticises, babbles and scolds all day long. Before she went to Mekah, she has a quite short temper but since she was back from the Holy Land, it seems that her temper was even more short. Probably triple than before. And she has been very very sensitive. Ugh!

For two days, I had very little sleep. But enough for my body to take it. 3 hours of sleep a day. Cobaltte was surprised that I have so much energy even with that kind of sleep. But I do. Yesterday, I baked a cake because I was simply craving for one. Then went out to meeting. Back home, I did more work. And today's plan : Out after Zohor for meeting and more meeting at 6pm.

I have been working on my website. Yes, I have one. I had neglected it but when Farid found it, I was shocked it still existed. So thanks to him, I'm doing a total make-over on the website. The design is pretty girlish, does not potray a brutal side of me. But I liked it. You can visit it here, it is still in construction though : www.bluevirgo14.tripod.com

Now, in TTDIonWHEELS there is some stir going on inside. Guys do have a big ego yah. A member of the club feels threaten by other members, because we have been business-minded lately and have always been together discussing. He feels left behind I guess, but maintains his ego. Oh well, we decided now that friendship remains friendship. Other stuff, will have to stay outside of the club for the meantime. (waiting for money to roll in)

Last night, Cobaltte was expressing his thoughts on long distance relationship. Which caught my attention. He told me lots. Like how it's not about meeting up, hanging up or anything. That you have to be open and mature about this kind of thing. There are many mind-openers that he gave me. Maybe in some other time, I will share it here.

Okay, I'm off to working on stuff again. Til next post. ChOwwWwzzZZzaAAaaa!!!

p/s: Such a great feeling when he understands you well. =)

AF3 - Pengundi yang tak bijak

I am sooo UPSET! Why? I can't believe that Idayu was out! It was like Rosma's episode. Idayu was the best among the students and other voters was just blind to see that. Or are they just looking for pretty nice figure singer? This is just absurd. I was sooo close to not watching AF again, but I have to support another person, Yazer. And if he's out, no way I am gonna watch AF3 again. This is not fair. Truly unfair.

I was rooting for Idayu, Yazer and Marsha to be in the finals. Look what happened. Voters throw Idayu out! Oh, and if you guys were wondering whether I voted for my faves (Idayu and Yazer), no more questioning. I voted okay! Alright2...don't talk to me. I have no mood at all.

Denganmu...

Dengan Atau Tanpamu

Tika ku disentuh cinta

Cinta melirikan lara

Gerah kerinduan sendiri tanpamu

Kadang mengusutkan jiwaku

Namun aku tetap tegar jua

Lalu ku tempuhi semuanya

Cinta luhur digelap menjadi cahaya

Dengan mu hidup lebih bermakna

Keyakinan mu pun semakin bertambah 

Semakin mudah kaki mengatur langkah

Rasa tepatnya hidup bersama dengan mu

Sebelum terjatuh sakit yang tak tertanggung

Atau kemungkinan langit esok mendung

Dibawah langit yang terbuka
Ku mohon rahmat Tuhan yang Esa

Kalau di takdirkan aku harus berhadapan

Berakhirnya suatu ikatan

Akan aku relakan 

Pedih perpisahan
Nyawa berpisah dari badan  

Kalau ditakdirkan berakhir dipertengahan

Suratan sebuah percintaan
Sanggup aku menahan

Pedih perpisahan
Walau menghiris perasaan

Sakitnya biar aku rasakan

Brother-Sister-Hood & Relationship? Hmm...

Had few conversations with some of the guys. Suddenly, it came to the point of me and this whole relationship stuff. They were asking me if I am really single or in waiting etc etc. And I, could not answer. In the situation I'm in right now, honestly, I know something of it but at the same time, I seemed to know nothing. Pretty upside down huh? I cannot pinpoint the exact word of it all. Actually, I am afraid to take a risk. It's like I'm on an unstable equilibrium and trying hard to get it balanced. I am standing still on it and afraid to move. And the things in my head. Sometimes I worry, sometimes I feel just right, sometimes I'm confused and sometimes it's all good. But to think of it, I don't have any trouble in where I am now. I'm okay with this, like this. =)

Oh, the bizarre thing is, they are trying to matchmake me with one of our gang. Huh? What the --? They know that I don't think any more of the gang except as brothers. Even Adlil said yesterday, "Brotherhood yeah! Oh..and sisterhood! Yg sorg nih jela..ahahahha." But at the same time, they are fully aware when there is a certain someone in my life. The great thing is, despite their usual teasings and bullying their 'sister', they want to see me happy. As long as the person I'm with (whoever la) treats me well and they know I am truly contented, they'll be happy. These are the perfect friends, the perfect brothers. I won't ask for more because I am already grateful for what I already have with them now. I just thank God because he sent me these guys in all my good and bad times.

So, that's just a short account for today. Gotta go cook lunch. Man! See you guys later...ChOwWwzZzzaaAaa!!

p/s: Do you think they were just bullying me with the matchmaking thing? Hmm..they'll get it from me! ;) Hehe..

AF 3rd Concert

Watched AF repeat just now. It was quite exciting because my favourite students, Yazer and Idayu really hit it! And I still stand on saying that Marsha is just soo sexy. Plus I liked the song that she sang and she was just really really pretty. Idayu was perfect so is Yazer. I like them both!




I have their songs downloaded in my PC already. Yeah! HEhehehhe. Curiga and Suatu Masa sang by Idayu and Yazer, originally from Ning Baizura and M. Nasir. Err...actually I don't know what to write. I'm in the process of collecting Rm2000. I know, that's a LOT. Think Ily..Usaha! Okk, it will definitely take time for me to get that money. Man, how? I have to think. (Ily, you're always thinking.)

Okk..time for me to go. ChOwWwzZzzZzAaaAaa!!!

Long Live!!

There was nothing much. Just that I've been thinking a lot. This and that. Some stuff that's bothering, some are just worth thinking about... I've got less than a month til I enter uni again. Oh man! The continuing struggle.

Today, KTR appeared in Berita Harian. KTR = Kelab Teater Rimba. Yes, I'm active in theatre. Khalid Salleh commented about our performance at Shah Alam Museum, a piece called 'Perkahwinan'. Despite the comments, we at KTR will take those as words of wisdom and learn through it. But creative ideas from young teaterawan will not stop. We will continue with our effort, work and journey. Long live KTR!

And I have update ToW's blog. Yes, we had fun with the sun and all ;) hehe. I have also posted some pictures at the blog. All in all, we had 200++ pix (WOW) but of course, not all will be displayed. Just enjoy what is there yah! Mama is starting to dissaprove me with the guys, but she can't do that. ToW is my family. They're my brothers and some of us even vowed that we will maintain our family and as one member said, "Susah sama susah". Long live TTDIonWHEELS!

>> TTDIonWHEELS blog site

Okk, I'll be off now. See you guys later...ChOwWwzzZZzZAaAaa!!!

I'm back & last night's F1 a bummer!

I'm back! It was such a great weekend! Man, really it was. PD was hot but with the guys with me, I felt loose. No probs in my head at all...except that I was always thinking of him. Even now, I felt the urge of messaging him but maybe a little later, I'll just miss call. Hehe.

The pix are already in my HD. So far, I've got 115 pictures. They'll be more, I tell you. Swen, Hisyam and Amin haven't send me theirs. I was the cameragirl, as usual, so there won't be much pix of me (bummer!). But someone had to sacrifice to take pictures rite? Anyway, we arrived at about 4++pm and stayed at Aji's grandfather's house at the Saujana area. We also went to the Saujana Beach and had a real blast.

Bbq in the night and the guys had shisha afterwards (courtesy of Amin) with ghost stories...heheheh. I don't have much to tell now. My mind's kinda empty...maybe because I'm just missing........? ;)

Oh yeah...last night's F1 suck! 6 cars ended up racing. Cars using Michelin tyres were advised to pull into the pit as a sign of protest over the unsafe track. For more info, here are the stories :

>> US race boycott set 'to harm F1'
>> Only six cars start U.S. Grand Prix
>> 14 cars boycott U.S. GP over tires

Gotta go now. Pretty tired I guess. But I wanna go watch AF now. I'll be back later. ;) Bye. ChOwWzZZaaAaaa!!

Away

Yes, I'm heading to my Getaway! I want away from this house...and I thought maybe if I am out this weekend, it'll be good for me. So, I will be outta the house about 830 am. This would be great, I hope so. I pray to God to give me strengths while I'm off, so that I can calm my mind and search for the right solution.

Besides, I am not the only one who will be away. He will also be away, and the best part is, to Langkawi! Gosh, how I wish could trade places with him. I mean, chocs n stuff there are cheap! Ferrero Rocher (30 pieces) is only RM19! Imagine that!

Anyway, I am off to find piece of mind. See you guys on Sunday or Monday? Yeah...that's from me. ChOwWWZzzZaaAaa!!!

scared of .........

I am scared. Of getting hurt. Today, I know something. I had suspected this but I maintained my cool over the past weeks. But I felt something more today that almost confirmed it. I have no clue why at first. And I was wondering the whole time. I try to shut it off but it demanded to stay. And now, I am scared if this would disappoint me in the end.

Okay2. What I discovered was: I care. A lot. No, I mean...a WHOLE lot. And I also know, that this would get me screwed. You know what...I don't know. I'm confused. I'm probably a mess. And I am definitely scared.

Do I Have To Be Beautiful To Be Loved?

I thought of this some time ago and wrote about it. Today I finally finished the article and editing it. So, here it is.

Isn’t it ironic? People often say, “Who cares about looks?” or “Look on the inside – the heart.” But realistically, they don’t do that. As beautiful as the world may seemed (if you’re an optimistic person), it is merely stereotypic and pressurised. We have heard so many kinds of motivational talks telling us to be confident in ourselves and to shut all these naughty ramblings on being physically perfect. Yet, they only work for about a week or two and after that, we are back to being pressured. It is sad because it just seemed as if we are all being judged by our appearances. Why can’t we just be ourselves and the rest of the world just accept it? I guess the world is becoming shallower day by day.

It is not a crime to be vain. Whether they are men or women. However, I found that men often complained on women being too dressed up or simply when a woman tries to make herself up. But they are contradicting their own selves. If you ask them what kind of women they want, I can tell you that 95% say they want good-looking women. So what will happen to the others? Well, some ended up with the other 5%, some grow old alone and for some, dedicated themselves to career. Now guys will say, ‘What about women? They are the same too. They search for the best things in men.’ Yes, they do. But despite that women will still consider the inside. And when we manage to look deeper into one man’s heart and know him as whom he is, then only we decide whether to stay or go (doesn’t matter how handsome he is).

In my experience, when I was still immature in all this relationship thingy, I used to look at good-looking men. But never once in my life did I score them. Okay, my last ex was cute. But I only go out with him because I really liked him for who he is. I haven’t had many exes, just two. I won’t touch about the other one though, who is a very hypocrite guy. I did have many affairs – the type where you are in the process to get to know each other and then suddenly, it did not work out. And they are also cute guys. I must have a thing with cute guys…hmmm… But one thing for sure, I prefer cute than handsome. =)

Back to the topic, I don’t want people to judge me by looks. Seriously, I don’t like it when people compliment me with words such as “You’re cute”, “How come a pretty girl like you don’t have a boyfriend?” or anything related to that. I might feel flattered but I don’t really like it. Because that, has already shown how people judge you. For all I am concerned, I am neither pretty nor beautiful nor a ‘Hot Chick’. I like to be simple, I like others to see me as the real me and not judge me by appearance.

I have found that they are so many women out there who try hard to please men. Come on, you can look pretty and nice, but do not overdo it. I mean, what is up with all those skimpy clothes that make you look like a slut? Do you do this because of the attentions of men? Of course, they will drool over you and all. But it doesn’t mean they will pick you up for a long term relationship. My friend said to me, “All these girls are just made for playing. If I want a wife, I’ll go for that kind (pointing to an innocent looking girl with tudung).” That’s the reality but I have also met some who doesn’t really care. Most men want girls who are supportive of them, giving cares and loves.

Now, the perspective of being beautiful equals to flawless zitless face and thin bodies, are emerging. Women are pressured by the thoughts of having model-like figures. To say that I am not influenced is so not true. Being one, I can’t escape from it. Everybody will have a say on parts that they don’t like about themselves. I do admit that I’m not excluded. But I don’t want to be loved by my physical. Of course, first attraction is looks. But after that you’ll realized you go deeper than that. You tend to have a liking for a person because of his/her personality.

Attention is far from what I am seeking. Sometimes I like to better my appearance in order to look presentable and to instil confidence in myself. But other than that, nothing. I even feel insecure at times when random people are looking at me. So, no attention for me. To others, I’ll just present myself and no one else. And in relationship, I believe I have grown. I will love a person for who he is and love him because of God. I try to accept people as who they are because I want others to do the same to me. I don’t want to have to look beautiful to be loved. I want people to like me on the inside. I just want to be loved by being who I am. And that what matters most.

put up with me

I suddenly wonder, how can people put up with me? Especially the guys, him... I know I'm such a self-concious person, I'm always trying to be perfect, I have low confidence in myself at times, etc etc. Sometimes, I myself don't know why I am like this. I try to avoid, try to push everything behind...but I simply can't. It comes within me. All the things I'm feeling...it's all from me. No pretending.

So, I asked Cobaltte. How can the guys be patient with me? How can they put up with all my craziness, girlishness, loudness, seriousness...just everything about me? His answer was : "You've earned their trust and respect." And I thought, 'Wow, that's a big thing!' It was because we all have been together so long, and I am the only girl in the gang, who puts up with them, their acts and jokes. It's receiving what I give to them. I told a friend of mine, "I soo love my friends." And at that time, I realized that I really meant it. These guys mean a lot to me.

To be such a complicated person and having people who are sincere with you, understands you completely and accept you as it is, gives a whole new meaning of what true friendship really is. And in relationship too. I saw a saying about a week ago,

The feeling of love may come and go, but enduring friendship is what keeps it (the relationship) going.

Had a talk with Swen, Hisyam and Cobaltte few days ago...and they were saying the same thing. When you marry someone, it's for a looonggg term. Things will tend to get dull and boring...feelings may disappear. So, that's a challenge for couples to make marriage work. You have to be prepared to spice up and rebuild the marriage. You say, 'I have no love for him/her anymore.' Well, deep inside, what do you really feel? Go watch Mr. and Mrs. Smith (not for action only but also for the lesson it tries to inflict). Then perhaps, you'll get what I mean.

There you go. A piece of me today. I'll be back with more later. ChOwWwwZzzzZaaAa!!

Hurt me

Yes,
I'm Bad
I'm Weird
I'm Odd
I'm Hated
I'm Rebellious

Left behind
Underestimated
The Underdog
Pushed aside
Disgusted
Yes, you can say all you can about me

Sensitive
Torn apart
Emotional
Yes, I'm hurt

the waiting game...

It's 6:33 pm here. And I'm still waiting... Bile nak sampai nih..?

Bluevirgo out. ChOwWZZZaAAAaa!

The Guys

Went out with Cobaltte, Swen and Hisyam at 3 pm. They saw the problem look on my face instantly. Our initial plan to watch Mr. and Mrs. Smith was cancelled since all nearby theatres were sold out (and I only knew last minute when the guys told me they want to go eat). So, headed to Homst, a restaurant near here.

The guys did not hesitate to ask me what happened. They knew something was not right. And so I told them about the fight I had with Mama and the pressure at home. Then, we all had our share of stories. Perhaps the critical home stories would be mine and Cobaltte. We both are in a similar situations except in mine, my mom is the queen control and in his, it's his Dad.

I know that I really cherish their friendship. They're the best guy friends you could ever have. They know me inside and out. Mostly. When I'm with them, it's a free world for me. I don't have to be much in control. We have known for years and years and are always together in a group...so it's never awkward and we all know each other well. Besides, when we're together all of us, we're a family. A family that no one can touch. We back each other up and we have our ups and downs just like a family.

These guys are those who makes me happy and smile. My happiest moments are 98% with the guys. They're my brothers! Unbeknownst to my parents, they have helped me a lot through thick and thin. Lately, Mama doesn't like me to hang out with them. I don't know why...I mean, it's not a crime to be friends with them! Why judge them? She does not know that without these guys, I think I'll be empty. I won't be who I am today. They have accepted me as who I am and is always supportive of my changes. Even though they made me emo or mad sometimes, but they never fail to stick by me.

That's the story for today. Bluevirgo out. ChOwWWZzZaAAaa!

I Will Run

I don't understand. Why am I being treated like a 15 year old kid? Hello World, I'm 3 months to 20 years old! I might look younger than that or act younger than that...but still, I want to be treated equally. If one wrong would get me grounded, might as well I just keep on making mistakes!

So mad with Mama because she made our family seemed sooo boring, soo rebellious, soo pecah among us sibs...I mean, she's overprotective! When I see my brothers getting pressured of doing their school work, I really pity them. I know they play a lot but why can't she slowly ask them to do their works instead of forcing them? C'mon...doesn't she know that forcing could only make things worse?

Hmphh, I have rebelled countless times against her. Truthfully, most of my life I hated her. Only when I really grew up that I appreciate of the terms 'Family'. And just when I thought things are beginning to get good, it all starts to go downhill again. On the other hand, Abah is his usual self. Being so damn quiet. When he gets mad, then only he speaks up. But then at times, I'm frustrated by his quietness. Can't he back up his own daughter? Or am I always wrong? Am I really is a useless shit around the house?

My friends and people around has said really great things about my family. But that only mean one thing. They have seen a 5 star movie with great actors. On the surface, it's all fine. But no one knows what's happening under it. I love my Dad, yes. For the fact that he has done a lot for our family. He's fierce, when he needs to be. There are happy moments in the family but the reality in this household, everything seemed professional. I never forgave Mama for betraying my trust. Oh, it's a thing in the past sure, but it's a BIG thing. If I trust someone fully and he/she played with it...I'll remember to the end.

This might sound childish, but I want to run away. I need a getaway...and I know where. I'll go there for two days, away from my family. Then, I won't hear people criticizing me for being big, ugly, weird, loud or just anything negative. Or maybe, I'll prove them wrong. I'll change from being big and ugly. Not sure if I can change from being weird and loud though. Will a change be good for me? Hmm...

God, help me get through this hard life. Yes, I will run. Made up my mind.

13 Left

Accounts of AF3 2nd Concert

1. Amylea sang 'Asmara' in a very manja way.
2. Marsha proved she can sing. And she is soo sexy.
   
3. Yazer was good! He rocks dude!! ♥
   
4. Idayu lost her confidence sadly.
5. Felix was really funny!
6. Reza's performance (minus vocal) get the credit for the night.
7. Amy - worst of all, with 2nd goes to Mawi (seriously, in my opinion!).
8. Fuad really hit with that expression of losing the one you love.
9. Aidil sang well, better than some.
   
10. Akma did better than I expected.
    

Other accounts that's worth mentioning:

1. We saw the 'Ahmad Dhani'!
2. Mawi perasan haha. Oh..and he suck at dancing! Look back and you'll notice he stumbled a lot!
   
3. There's this two Makcik who were really kecoh! Kept shouting , 'Daulat Tuanku', 'Ampun Tuanku', 'Bile nak naik LRT?', 'Aznil!!!!'. They gave us quite a laugh though.
4. The night was tensed due to fierce commentors and M Nasir himself.
5. Farah is soooo cute!! Zahid is bigger in size..hehe.
6. Farah and Idayu seemed to have been friends before. (Hmm..?)
7. Linda Jasmine is soo pretty.

It came as a shock afterwards when Elliza was the first person got voted out. She gave a good performance. But I guess it wasn't memorable enough? Or maybe as Hana said, she's just an average? Nonetheless, Elliza also rock that night! Wished she stayed longer. She has a very nice character I think and fun to look at. That's just what I have to say now. ChOwWZzZAaaa!!

The Funny Thing

You wanna know something?
Right at this moment, I miss him. I really do.
Shoot me for being so bold and for thinking so much.
Shoot me. Come, shoot me!
But truth is, I can't stop.
I might have fun and forget a while,
But it'll come back soon after that.
What am I to do?
What am I to do?
I just seemed to have lost control of me.

Yeah...
Funny thing is,
I like the thoughts that run in my head.
Hmm...
Anyone have a cure?
I need a cure, don't you think so?
This is not normal, in my opinion.
Look at me,
I am actually babbling this out!
I do need a cure...

But I guess I will have to just wait then...

AF Concert Tonight!

Instead of waiting until Sunday which is tomorrow, I end up waiting for Monday! Flight problem it seems. But yesterday, chatted online. That actually made my day. =)

Went out with the guys to our usual Friday port at Bangsar Seafood. Then, went karaoke-ing. Not at Bangsar Avenue, where it'll cost us RM270 for just a normal room, but at Cobaltte's house. His parents weren't around so we karaoke-ed like mad. Haha. We did imitations of singers like Aqua in the song 'Barbie Girl'. It was hilarious!! And I came back home so late (Swen didn't want to send me home. They were having such great time). As usual, I knew already I was about to get the lecture from Mama and Abah.

Oh, tonight I will be going to Akademi Fantasia's concert. Yeah! Free tix courtesy of Hana, a friend of my sis who has been a friend of mine too. In fact, my sister's friends are all my friends also. I guess they're just as crazy as me. But I'm not vogue or 'Hot Chick' like them. Haha!

This coming week will be one busy week for me I guess. I have soo many things to do:

1. Settle hostel placement (no, I haven't secured one yet)
2. Plan the PD trip (next weekend)
3. Get mp3 player!
4. Settle OSON and give the rest to Khairul Marketing.
5. Claim salary!

I guess that's it for now. I'm thinking to go OU. Hmm...we'll see about that. If Dena can't go, I'll ask Nor to go with me (surely she will want to follow!). Okk..ChOwWWZzZZaaaAa from me!

p/s: AFUNDI Idayu and Yazer!!!

Playing now : Sex and Candy - Marcy Playground
Next up : 40 Kinds of Sadness - Ryan Cabrera
Mood : OK + Thinking of ----- + Want to go shopping.

Songs Survey

I thought at first that today was Saturday. Then I realized, it's only Friday! Man! Oh well, I went to OU with my mom and sis. Just window shopping...boring! I found a shirt I like, but I knew if I asked mom for it, she won't let. Guess I'll have to go maybe tomorrow and grabbed it. RM20 only! Yeah!

I was thinking of a song this morning because I dreamt about... haha. And I was in Living Quarters when that song was played! Wow..what a coincidence. Layan la aper lagi! Hahaha. Did this survey just for fun anyway.

Write your answer with title of songs/album with names of artists. Try it, this is fun!

1. Your choice

Edwin McCain, KRU, BSB

2. You are listening to…

Nothing Hurts Like Love [Daniel Bedingfield]

3. You would describe yourself as

- Fighter [Christina Aguilera]

- Aneh [KRU]

4. Others describe you as

- Not That Kinda Girl [Jojo]

- Crazy [Javier]

5. Your current mood

- Miss You Like Crazy [The Moffats]

- I Feel Good [James Brown]

6. Personality that attracts you

- Slumber [O@G]

- The Real Thing [Gwen Stefani]

7. Your life is

- Colors [Utada Hikaru]

- Long, Long Road [Bo Bice]

8. What do you do/need when you’re upset?

- Chocolate [Kylie Minogue]

- Sahabat [Peter Pan]

- The Getaway [Hilary Duff]

9. What are you thinking now?

- You [Jennifer Love Hewitt]

- Sitting, Wishing, Waiting [Jack Johnson]

10. How do you love?

- Aku Masih Setia [Dia Fadila]

- This Is Different [Joey McIntyre]

11. Describe your partner or crush.

- Amazing [George Michael]

- Satu [Dewa]

12. Your dreams are

- Wonderful [Ja Rule]

- Talk Shows On Mute [Incubus]

13. Your family is

Bittersweet Symphony [The Verve]

14. What kind of friend are you?

- Kita Tertawa [Peter Pan]

- I’ll Be Your Crying Shoulder [Edwin McCain]

15. Your advices

- Love Is A Movement [Switchfoot]

- God Is In This Place [Plus One]

16. When you’re mad,

- Crush [Mandy Moore]

- Negatif [KRU]

17. What do you want in a partner?

- Loving Me 4 Me [Christina Aguilera]

- I’ll Be your Crying Shoulder [Edwin McCain]

- True [Ryan Cabrera]

18. What do you want to be remembered as?

- One In A Million [Bosson]

- Concrete Girl [Switchfoot]

- Istimewa [Indigo]

19. What don’t you like?

- Overprotected [Britney Spears]

- Never There [Cake]

- Sandiwara [Tyco]

20. What do you want to do now?

- Still Around [Jennifer Lopez]

- Play That Funky Music White Boy [James Brown]

Counting The Days

He messaged in Friendster! So HaPPy! =D Counting the days...

Watched Kingdom of Heaven. Yup..definitely a nice movie! Orlando Bloom looked really HOT! That's the first time I said that about him because I only liked him in LOTR. I didn't really think his face suited with black hair...but in Kingdom of Heaven, he's just WOW....

Went out with Dan and Arif to OU (haven't gone out with these two for some time). They wanted to eat. I was only accompanying them. Besides, I was craving for McD's shake. But I didn't get one...and I still want that shake.

Today, at 130 pm, me and ToW guys are going Bowling @ Bangsar again. Yeahh! I guess because it's cheap. RM3/game for student. Good price huh? Next time, anyone want to join?

Watched Cit-Cat Umie Aida and Ako Mustapha (thought of him).
Watched Diari AF...Elliza sang D-Va's song (thought of him).

Okayy...just say it. I'm crazy? Yeah...I probably am. So what? Hahaha.

Alright, I am sleepy. Time to sleep. See ya then. ChOwWzzZzzZAaaAaA!!!

Now playing : I'll Be Your Crying Shoulder - Edwin McCain
Next up : Mr Ronald Moore - Pretty Ugly
Doing : Surveys, Counting days, Chatting (Dena and Cobaltte)

Left this morning...

Wednesday. 8 of June. I woke up with immediate thought of that guy. Who? Haha. You don't have to know. Grabbed my phone and I was like, 'What? No message? He couldn't have forgotten, can he?' For a moment I thought he had left. But looking at the time, tried to remain positive...that he's busy arranging the group.

I was right. Fiuh! Well, said Bye to him. And here I am, thinking of...yeah..who else? But in addition, I am also thinking of Dena. Received her email. She's kind of down. Hmm..is it Virgoes down time now? However, I promised that we'll go out maybe on Friday or weekend and have a nice long talk. As for me, I'll be patiently waiting for Sunday. Gosh, I miss him! And it's only the first day! Oh no...am I crossing into THAT side? Man, it's getting deeper...and honestly, I'm scared. With a bit of excitement. But also anxious. Jumbled up.

Dena advised me not to think a lot. She told me to cherish the moment. I am happy so just go with the flow. Hmm..I used to tell myself that huh? Okk, meaning, I have to do that again. Ily, go with the flow!! =)

So...what am I going to do today? Maybe I should go jogging in the evening. Been two weeks since I've done that? Yeah. Guess so. What else can I do? Hey...I bought DVD right? I can watch Kingdom Of Heaven! And before going to jog...I could do some graphics. Learn more tricks myself. Yeah...I could do those.

I'm off now! See ya! Hehehe. ChOwWwZZzaaAaAaA!!!

Now playing : Tangisan Marhaenis - Hattan feat Dia Fadila
Next up : Sentiasa - D-Va

making me feel good

He makes me HaPPy again. Never failed to do that. =D

Okk...so he won. And I'm not complaining. ;)

ILynn = Bad Shape

I am not in a good mood for today. Well, after 430 pm that is. Why? At first, my sis got me so pissed. As in the Big Pissed. If she had wanted that thing, she didn't have to offer me and get me so pumped up..and then dumped me so suddenly in the dumps! Ugh! Pissed, pissed, pissed. I have been soo patient with her attitude. I know in family there's always love-hate relationship but today, she definitely raised my hate. And no, this time I'm not tolerating.

Then, with people at work who thinks I'm an innocent girl who they can bully...definitely ticked me off. Perhaps they think I don't know what's been going on around the office. Wrong! I know. And I'm disappointed at their attitudes. We're all together Malays. And still, you're simply want to take advantage of the opportunity given to you by your OWN kind. Gosh...I'm ashamed.

Chatting now with two ToW guys with my probs, since Farid had exited (I soo wish that he's here right now). And while I'm expressing my anger, I feel like crying seriously. Because I realized how much I had to get through this one whole day. As I'm talking to Cobaltte now, with all his advises, I feel so useless. My tears are on the edge honestly. I'm trying to hide it because I am at the office right now.

Man, why do I have to be so nice to people? I have always mengalah to my sister, to other people...can't I for once have a control over everything? Can't I not mengalah for just this once? And when every time not-so-good things happen, can't I not be the one to be blamed? I've just had enough of all these putdowns.

Huhhh....no worries. I'm okay. All I have to do is put on a happy face and smile. Who cares what I feel inside? Fool them. Put on my happy-go-lucky mask. Dah2 Ily, get over it. Calm down. Me, out. ChOWWZzzaaaAa!!

Platonic Friends

Swen's birthday today. Happy 20th Birthday Swen!!! Wished him and his reply was : 'Tq. Ngeh ngeh ngeh.' Wahahahah...typical of him. This guy is really someone I could consider as a best friend. Yup, I might be emo with him and all but I guess we always get along well. Known him for years already (since primary) and he's like a brother to me. In fact, most of the guys are like family to me.

Almost all my friends have asked, with me hanging out with them, don't I have any sort of extra feelings for them (meaning, past the platonic terms)? Come to think of it, I used to. But it has been such long time. I've since, only sees them as brothers and friends. Crip and Swen are both totally like fun big brothers (haha..they treat me like a sister they like to sakat!). Cobaltte and Naf are both sensible friends who you come to when you want to have serious talks. Naz is also like a bro but he's a cool kind of person, only fun when he's katai-ing. Hisyam is the one everyone likes to katai because you can only know how he is but can never figure out what's on his mind. Fazly on the other hand, the one who follows the lead. The rest, nothing too important I guess. Because now, I'm close to the above.

Anyway, sent Nad back today. Gosh, I'm gonna miss her again! Nad is the type who seldom contacts you. So, it'll be quite sometime before she contacts me again (out of the blue usually). Yes, she noticed that I'm a lot different. She felt my vibes also. But luckily, I still act pretty normal and others would not notice much. Nad also pointed out that I'm temperamental/adjustable. My behaviour adjusted to people and groups. But still, not much different. I'm just what you say, mengikut rentak. Maybe, maybe. Truth is, I am just who I have been born to be, right? God made me as Me. =)

I'm gonna have to update ToW's blog. The guys asked me for updates. So, I gotta go. See ya then ChOwWWZzZaaAaa!!!

Wanting to : drive car, buy book to read, sms *silly face* (rindu...hehe), watch dvd
Listening to : Perhaps - Cake

Sceptical, I am.

Talked a lot with Nad yesterday. I noticed how sceptical someone is when he/she is having a crush on someone. Like Nad for instance, she likes someone but she is sceptical that the guy is feeling the same way. But from others' point of view, that someone ALSO likes her but is maybe torn between two. In my case, I am always sceptical of things. Even one senior said, I'm a sceptic. Gosh, am I that bad?

I don't usually believe what other people said about me and other people, especially when it's good, and when in a r/ship I'm always thinking stuff like, 'Is this enough? Am I enough?', 'Oh my...he doesn't like me anymore.' and those related. Maybe it has something to do with my self-esteem, confidence and the way I look at myself. Oh shoot...now I realized how much I'm putting myself down! And now I know why I always tell myself to think Positive!! Why didn't I think of that before? 'Because you're stupid. No! Because I'm worth it. <-- Loreal ad. Haha. No-lah. Because I may be still learning the process of life. Yeah! =)'

However, the pros in being a sceptic is you keep wanting to better yourself. You try pushing and neglecting all those negative mental putdowns and motivate yourself in acheiving your wants and goals. But I guess in my case, kinda slow the process is <-- sounds like Yoda backwards talking.

Anyway, wrote a poem. For fun I guess haha. Gtg now. Breakfast calling!!! Heheheh. ChOwWwzZaAa!!

Sitting here alone,
Here on my own;
But not lonely I feel,
Just remembering you still.

Even though a short while,
I love the way you make me smile;
Looking forward to every new day,
There are reasons for me to stay.

This place is where it began,
And I do not want it to end;
To Him I say a prayer,
That we will be ever after.

Friday Morning!

Somehow today even while I was asleep, the song Arah by D-Va kept swirling in my head. And the moment I opened my eyes, immediately one word came into mind. Well, I've been having that since quite some time already. Hehehe. Scary yeah...but life is supposed to be that. And I mean it in a good way.

And I guess I'm a bit fussy this morning. After getting ready for work, as usual I have to take breakfast. And once more, no food! Actually I'm getting pissed by my maid. Thing is, when my parents went to Umrah, she was doing nothing at home except cook (tak sedap pon, in my opinion). Else, she went out (dunno where!) and caught her taking (dunno if I should put stealing) MY gate remote control for the convience convenience of HER outings!

And after that, things are just going downhill. Starting to realize how I seldom eat at home during that one week and she expects us to buy/do breakfast ourselves during weekdays. She knows I NEED breakfast, can't skip that but she still does it everytime. Man! Took chocolates for breakfast anyway. Thanks Dena! (who brought that choc from Langkawi).

Enough about that. I'm meeting client today. Bank Rakyat procedure is soo complicated. Have to settle that quick. Then, after Friday prayers, going to Low Yat. Trying to get supplier for handphones. And maybe surveying mp3 players and pen drive (I need a new one!). Ehem,ehem...someone is selling me brand new mini iPod at rm200. Yeahhhh!! She must be really rich because she already had three! Wowww....

OK..since schedule is good, I better go off. Til next one up. ChOwWwZZzaAAaa!!!

Thinking of : Incomplete - Backstreet Boys
Playing now : I Could Not Ask For More - Edwin McCain

So Many Things, But With One Thought.... ;)

Well, it's bizarre today. Why? I've been listening to Cake's song, Take It All Away, for like sooo many times! Not that it's my doings but my playlist at home kept playing the song after every few songs. Not that I don't like the song, it has been one of my most favourite songs. Serious, you guys should listen to it. Reallllly NICE!!!

I worked outside just now (I'm still at the office) and had some not-so-great time with the person I'm dealing with. I guess it must have been my collegue and my own young looks. We looked like two newbies who don't have any experiences perhaps. Hmph...how dare you underestimate us! Had to call up clients and gave them some bad news. But thankfully, they're eager to set deals with us and I am also looking forward to close this deal ASAP.

Naz called and teased again bout who else [You don't know who? Nvm, you don't have to know ;) ]. But initially I think he wanted to ask me to lepak together. Dunno who else is joining but I suspected Cobaltte and Swen maybe. Unfortunately, I'm at work and can't go. I'm thinking of skipping work tomorrow but client wants to meet me. Maybe I'll bodek Abah to go home early? Heheheh

Oh, and Nad is coming here! Going to stay with me!! On Friday which means...Tomorrow!!! Man, all the things that I want to hear from her! She must have got lots to tell me. I know she has. What's her update with that Abg? What's her life's like now? I dunno if I'll be able to tell her about my life. I dunno if she still can see through my coolness on my face (she used to can see my sadness through my calm face). But since now I am HaPPy...she'll see that! Wonder if she can see more than that........

Azfar is also coming on the 4th June. He said he wants to see me. Oh well, the old-friends meeting up again. Haven't seen him in like, 3 years maybe? And I'm not sure if Swen knows about him coming here. They had some quarrel-like thingy last I heard (but very discreetly). Not sure.. This weekend is gonna be full I predict..but no matter how full it's going to be, my mind will always be running the thoughts of, haha merely someone I know! ;)

Oh my...hahahah. Mengarut, am I? Well, time to go. Post again later. ChoWwZzaaAa!!

Now Playing : Sentiasa - D-Va [thinking of....]
Next Up : Tak Tahu - Adam [makes me think of someone lg haha]

Man, Infection?!

My Grandma and Wak Samah slept over at my house today and I had quite a talk with them this morning. My mom was also there. Discovered that the 'lebam' on my nose was an infection. Aarrgghh!! Well, not a real big one. Just minor. They told me to leave it alone. 'Dier kering sendiri nnt,' as Mama said. Nor, you're the one to blame!

Anyway, got to work outside today. I thought to just scribble little in here. Thinking of trimming my hair..tp syg la. Thinking of quitting work sometime in mid-june. What else? Thinking of getting an mp3 player, want to put in my private playlist ;) hehehe. Maybe bodek Abah for new hp and car? Ahahahha..dream on Ily!

Ok2, I got to go. Post the next one later. ChoWwWZzzAaAaA!!!